have you ever realized the color of your eyes resemble coffee beans? already on my mind as i take my first sip. i keep finding myself looking across the counter to where you stood just a couple months ago, where our lips danced as if they knew it would be their last. when i thought forever was an unspoken agreement laced in between our fingers. my apartment is as barren as my heart the day i saw you with her. you told me she was a mistake and i remember saying "so were you." by the time you were gone i was already cutting your face out of our pictures. sometimes i miss the way you could make me feel breathless with just a look in your eyes, spending our nights listening to playlists you made for me, but now when i replay those memories all i can hear is broken records and static. i still wear the locket you got me for our 6 month anniversary. it stays tucked away because im afraid to be caught wearing it, or get that feeling a kid gets when he has his hand in the cookie jar. i guess you could say a lot of things aren't meant to be, just like you and me.

i can't stand all the lying society does
and all the while they do it just because
the words they say just to fit in
little do they know my patience is wearing thin
i think that they're all egotistical,
their stupidity has become a ritual
maybe if they opened their eyes
they to would be surprised
they got so caught up in life
yet their actions were in strife
balling my fist as they attack my flaws
that's fine by me because i can fight my own brawls
because i realize they have people pressuring them
and all the while just to fit in.

I want to hold you.
I want to touch you.
I want to love you.
I want you.

I want you to want to hold me.
I want you to want to touch me.
I want you to want to love me.
I want you to want me.

I want to feel your breath against my neck.
I want to feel your heart beat with mine.
I want to feel your hands caress my body.
I want to feel you.

I want you to want to feel my *breath against your neck.
I want you to want to feel my heart beat with yours.
I want you to want to feel my hands caress your body.
I want you to want to feel me.

Sometimes I imagine
What it would be like
If I lifted a quadrant of my skull
And let you eat the parts of my brain
that contain the memories of you.

I think you'd dive right in
Just to chew them up and spit it out.

That I'm severely damaged and I want you to help,
Without coming across like I need you.

I'm here when needed.

But I don't seem to be needed much anymore..

rivers of salt; saccharine silicon and
iridescent nightmares;
kids carve their names into trees
because their concept of forever is
three summers forward;
entropy demands a tithe, a
forfeiture of lives; decimate your herds
and still
no, it is not enough.
know it is not enough.

don't keep your sweet little mouth
open too long; sugar attracts flies,
and pretty soon your
teeth will be teeming
with maggots and rot,
streptococcus sanguis
cheerfully wearing down your enamel
like you wore down my inhibitions.
"it'll be fun," you said, dropping
one hundred milligrams
on your tongue, firmly grasping the back
of my neck, and applying your lips to mine.
one hundred milligrams
slide down my throat, and despite myself,
I laugh, because even when I'm scared
I want to be with you.

the Black Angel is God On Earth; she is
lonely beyond belief, and I give her a hug.
people forget that monsters have
feelings too, and
God?
God is the biggest monster of them all.

God is entropy, and she is
unimpressed by the pyramids
on your dollar bills; she will devour
the stars and the planets and newborn
babies swaddled in blankets,
and she yet hungers:
redwoods and sequoias and aloe vera,
microchips and inkjets and MacBooks.

we are crowded around the bonfire,
s'mores and cheap liquor, your hand on
my thigh; the heavens have
opened up, drenching us
in starlight: I have never felt more
beautiful. you raise my wrist to your
mouth, placing a gentle kiss on my
scaphoid and my lunate; you swipe
your tongue across supple flesh
before clamping down with your teeth;
I am seeing stars and feeling lovely
and I am so, so enamored with you and
so, so happy you are here.