insecurity is poisonous

because it will enter

your bloodstream

using your eyes and

seep out of your

mouth to infect

those who have only

treated you well

there is beauty in every person
like a seed perfectly sown
by planters with years of life experience

time passes and the seed is watered
with waste, and humiliation
pain, and sorrow

but somehow
it still finds the sweet nectar
of creativity and love

slowly, the seed will
sprout into a beautiful flower
a different one to match every soul

there is beauty in every person

but beauty does not grow
through happy life experiences
beauty comes from the spirit
that transforms the wrongs its been dealt
into flowers for those who hurt them

little black shorts latched
onto legs thats stumble
as they walk
those legs are at a loss for feeling
numb, and the girl can feel her arms slightly more

hands out, car door open, legs in

little brown paper latched onto hands that tremble
as their fingers shift
on his own lap
those hands are numb
and the boy can feel his feet slightly more

lighter out, paper lit, smoke in

little black shorts catch ash and soot as she grows more and more numb
every body part
just short of defying gravity everything physically numb floating
except for emotions

exhale in, exhale out, pass

little brown paper
fizzled out in hands
that no longer knew
the difference between reality and dreams everything physically numb
except emotions

little black shorts unzip trembling hands move in
a longing to be numb floats between the two

they say the older you get, the easier it becomes for you to hold on
but when i look into their eyes, i see a different story
it only seems to become harder for them

their eyes tell me what their mouths never will
“help.”

their asking, begging, i know it

why else would she spend an entire paycheck
filling her body to the brim
with every kind of toxic drug she can get her hands on

and why else would he
even attempt to justify
the two little pale pills
he just dropped in her drink

why else would they
look at me with sorrow
filled eyes and with regret
emanating from their skin
if they didn't want,
need help

they are asking, begging for it
maybe not with their mouths
but with
their eyes
their actions
and i was begging for it too
why else would i write this?

“help.”

a cockroach crawled up her sleeve and inside her shirt
and it fumbled its way into her brain
then, it fed her lies and let her think she was worthless
when it was done, it crawled back out
and on its way out,
it took all of the love that she had for herself
it left her empty

from that day on
she unconsciously let in every cockroach she met
trying not to feel empty
not knowing that those cockroaches
were only making her feel
more empty

i sit shotgun in her pickup truck
with a pen in my hand
a notebook resting in my lap
and i try my best to focus
focus on anything
anything to stop this

the whole car starts to spin
my heart beat thumps in my brain
a nauseous feeling creeps up from my stomach to my throat
and just before i lose my breath
she stops the car

i can hear her voice spilling from her mouth like sweet honey
and she says:

“focus on the pen in your hand, charlie.”

“breathe, charlie.”

“you’re okay, charlie.”
“you’re okay, charlie.”

then a miraculous thing happens

the car stops spinning
my heart stops thumping in my brain
the nauseous feeling finds itself a way out of my body
and i breathe because,

“im okay, sam.”