And to you, just know
That my final breaths are not me still trying to live
It’s just I have nothing more to leave you.

I am fatal
I am consuming
I am fear
I am stage 4
I am your cancer

I'm what's slowly killing you
I'm the pain that comes back after every remission
I'm what causes you to cut pieces of yourself out
I am your cancer

I'm the sleepless night
I'm the dead feeling
I'm the reason for the pills
I'm the tumor in your head
I am your cancer

Cut me out and be survivor
Leave your cancer behind
I am your cancer

With our last kiss, I think you took my love.
With our last embrace I think you stole my heart.
With our last goodbye I think you kidnaped my mind.
Because I can’t love another and my inside are like these bottles …. Empty, and I think I lost my mind.
I miss the dimple on your left cheek because it was only visible when you smiled
I miss your voice because it always led me home
I miss the soft brown eyes that could see straight through me
I miss those 4pm texts saying good morning cuz you knew where I was
I miss those late night calls talking about absolutely nothing but just to hear each other
I miss the looks you gave me when I say everything wrong
I miss the touch of your lips against mine when I say everything right
I miss when you would tuck your head under my chin and it just seemed like the perfect fit
I miss waking up to you
I miss you
I look back down the road at all the arguments and problems we had, and I noticed one constant theme
It was me
I ruined a lot of things
I made a lot of mistakes but taking you for granite was the biggest one
I enjoyed the 465 days with you
I want 1,000 more
I realized what I want
I realized what I had
I realized what I lost
Many people don’t believe in second chances
But that doesn’t matter because all that matters is
Do you?

I woke up on your side of the bed this morning... it was empty
2. I cut myself while shaving cuz you didn't attack me with Barbasol like you usually do
3. I cut myself while shaving again to try and wake myself up
4. This is real life
5. I looked through our old pictures
6. I couldn't breathe
7. I dialed your number
8. I hung up
9. Your favorite song came on
10. I sang along
11-50 are things I'm sorry for
51-70 are things we never did
71-97 are how many apologies I've worked on
98. Even though I have a heart of stone you'll find your name engraved on it
99. I still love you
100. Its time to come home

Dear brother,
You were taken from us too soon
Things are different with you gone
But not for a second have you been forgotten
You were as kind as could be, even to strangers
You showed respect to those who spat in your face
You were as patient as an empty handed fisherman
You had the courage of a man who flat-lined to the other side and back
And you had the love of the family
It was a normal day and it was out of your control you were merely a passenger along for the ride at the wrong time
It shouldn’t have happened to you
It was the one time you took off of work to celebrate your birthday
And now everyone remembers it
Because you receive the tears of a nation
And the prayers of the world
September 11, Happy Birthday brother
You were taken from us too soon
Things are different with you gone
But not for a second have you been forgotten

Our faces were less than inches apart.
I’m not a bomb technician so I didn’t know how to diffuse the situation
So instead of cutting wires I cut to the chase
If this action caused an explosion that is a good thing right?
I’m not talking about the kiss in the rain that concludes the story
But one that signals the beginning of A lifetime
I began to close the inches that seemed like trying to Cross an ocean while holding your breath
I didn’t think I could Hold my breath any longer, I thought I might pass out, But that’s when my lips were enkindled by yours
No fireworks shot off, no music was played, no magic fairy dust was sprinkled
But Trust me … this was deeper than any film could portray
Because in that moment my lips were tattooed with an addiction.
I got to open my eyes into yours and know they saw my intentions my perfections and even my imperfections and know you belonged to me.
And only left with the question … do I kiss her again
And the answer is always yes.