my struggles
exist not only
at home or
in my head,
but also in

                                       school
With anxiety
and depression,
focus is lost,
and class

                                      finds
me confused
and far behind
I spend most
of my short time
contemplating all
the problems with

                                       me
With all these
numerous struggles,
I’m too behind,
and I feel completely

                                       lost

colors are amazing
I’d have to say
the best one
for me is likely

                                        red
It’s a beautiful
thing. Pull sharp
silver across my
skin, and red

                                       flows
It flows not loud,
like a river,
but more like
a stream,

                                       quiet
and slow, but
powerful and strong
bubbling
intoxicating

                                        and
perfect. Silver
brings pain, but
it’s a beautiful thing,
its touch not
soft,
but harsh,
cutting, deep,
to the core
of my being.

call me maestro
because I’m a master
I’m not talking art
I’m talking high class

                                               self loathing
I’ve had so much
practice at it
I’m finely tuned
to how it works. It

                                              is
my strong suit.
It’s pretty much
the only thing I
know how to do. It’s

                                              my
kryptonite, but
also my strength.
You could call it
my only real

                                             specialty

there’s shame I know
In what I do.
Splitting skin,
allowing precious

                                              bloo­dletting
I try to stop,
but nothing works,
nothing relieves pressure,
nothing positive

                                              help­s
the way that
opening veins,
splitting capillaries
does, how it allows

                                              me
to finally gain
real control,
the sharpness of
the silver lets me

                                              focus.

People fill up
with emotions
and thoughts
and most have
a release
I don’t know

                                       where
mine is. It’s not
family, and it’s
barely friends,
at least not anymore

                                        Can I
find a place
to talk, to learn
to let go? Can
I find that sweet

                                       release
No place is safe
Nothing is secure
Nowhere to talk
to rid myself of

                                       pain

I have no friends
no real ones at least
and I’m pretty lacking
when it comes to

                                                     family
I have one, of course,
just not the best
most supportive one
and isn’t that what family

                                                      mea­ns
is to be supportive?
They’re supposed to be
a safety net, but
I’m falling with

                                                     ­ nothing
there to catch me.
I’m surrounded
by hurt and evil
and I find nothing

                                                       good
anywhere.

There are endless ways
to sexually identify,
as well as gender-wise
I am figuring out

                                                how
I know that
whichever I pick,
I’ll have to go,
but exactly where

                                                 to
I don’t know
why must I
struggle to find
my way to

                                                 define
All I know
is that whatever
I really am,
I’ll need to learn
to love

                                                 myself