I wonder if anybody lives out on the limb
I’m not wearing a dead man’s clothes
I don’t have to worry about getting ambushed
My homestead is mine and nobody minds
The frontier is no longer about stealing land
It’s about why young men take their own lives

I’m not casting any nets because I live in one
I’m caught already and tangled up in twine
I don’t have a horse to cross a river full of ice
I don’t have a people, but I have a family
I don’t know what I am anymore to anyone
But the sun on a golden canvas is still my friend

I gave her so many hints I thought I wrote a book
But she won’t move like she’s a stone in the tide
Then she tried to get me to meet her friend
It was like a trickle of water to fill my canteen
Was she as afraid of me leaving as I am of staying?
There’s plenty of time to talk about things like that

The river I once crossed by bridge waits for my sins
The melted ice tells stories of warm beds of silt
Where the river ends is where my fingers join yours
Somebody else can choose the time of my funeral
I can only choose the road that I want to walk
And if dust be my skin then you will be my bath

I want to cry
I want to scream
But I won’t do it
I want to laugh instead
I need to laugh instead
I should laugh instead
I’m going to laugh instead

What do I deserve
How strong am I really
What do I deserve
How blessed am I really
What do I deserve
How privileged am I really
I know how much
I know how much
I know how much

I feel everything you do
But it looks like I’m numb
Or maybe it’s that I don’t feel
At least not the way you can

I want to be your shoulder
I want to be your heart
I want to cry for you
I want to inspire you
But how can I
When I only think of myself

No I’m not going to cry
And I know the reason why
I know what I deserve
And it’s not my own tears
It’s not my own tears
It’s only yours
Because I did it to you
Because life did it to you
And I’m still here
The same as ever
How can I cry
When you beat me to it?

I look at the sun and sky
I squint not in cynical repose
It’s just that it hurts
It’s that simple sometimes
I know why things happened
I was there the whole time
I can take it
I can take being wrong
I can take being strong
Because I am
I am because I can cry
But not about me
Not about me
Only about you
I can cry about you
Even walking the streets
Like being asleep with my eyes open
I can cry
And they won’t know it
Because it’s on the inside
And they think my eyes are red
Because I stared at the sun
And I did
Yes I did
You were the one who burned me
So why do I keep looking up?

But I’ve not had enough
I won’t sink too far
I like to swim
I won’t tell anyone how deep
They might try to save me
I know how long I can hold my breath
Maybe it’s that we’re in the same place
And if you see me then you know
You know how bad it is
Because that’s how bad it is for you
We can swim alone
Or together
But oceans aren’t for dying my friend
It’s only a place to fall
It’s the quiet life
Where everything can only stare
The way I am walking the streets
Dodging the light from above
Because I know it’s you

I rub my eyes every first moment I see
A tiny new cut invited every light for a drink
Even the ones that kept me awake all night
A glimmer of a life only a dream can think of

I rubbed the skin raw right above my heart
The cutting knife guided my blood to the levee
The clock ticks louder next to the flood
I’m listening but time cannot drown love

I rubbed the bottom of my feet until I laughed
The cut between my toes stayed too long
My socks mopped up like tea steeped in water
Walking on my own water is better than a drug

I rubbed my ears while a preacher talked
The cutting words asked me a question
Do you think what he can see is real?
Can I have believe in a grave that will be dug?

I rubbed my head right where my hair starts
Can a cut heal in a holy way if I'm not clean enough?
Burning hands full of nail ends try my mind
But I’m going to call on a willing heart laying on a rug

I rubbed a piece of paper full of my mistakes
I cut my hands hoping they would go but it’s just me
I can take it now because here is not there anymore
The past is too blind for me to live below or above

I'm not climbing to higher ground;
it's holy enough where I stand
It's my fault I planted the wrong seeds;
scattered about by my own hand

The spirit hovers over silent waters;
it's life unconcerned about my fulfillment
Desert sands burn my swollen feet;
my pain has become my sacrament

Don't weep for me
Don't sing for me
I'm not a martyr
My life is my burden
And yours my blessing

Have I humbled myself too late;
a story already written enough for dust,
settling on the bounded spine of memories
Where regret blooms and pride can only rust

I pray for my friends
I pray for their children
what else can I do?
what else?
what else?

Don't weep for me
Don't sing for me
I am not a prophet
My life has been chosen
And yours keeps me guessing

I pray for you my love
I pray for you my love
what else can I do?
what else?
what else?

You know you might could just do it
Do your own thing
But nobody’s gonna’ pay you for it
It’s only a way to pay yourself

Go ahead and be you
It’s not easy being different
But it’s easier than being something else
Don’t pick the wrong version of the story

When you decide to breathe again
I hope you’re the one who’s there
When you decide to speak again
I hope you’re the one who cares

It’s time to quit pretending
There’s nothing but pain there
It will happen soon enough for you
But now you belong to your own heart

When you decide to see again
I hope it's you standing in the mirror
When you decide to love again
I hope it's my heart that becomes nearer

I'm not better without you
I can handle myself
But I need a few stones to walk on
And a garden to sit and slow down

I'm good at doing my own thing
Sometimes I stare so hard
It jerks my mind
Like a car wreck when I wasn't looking

Standing on a piece of wood
High up on the side of a tree
You don't want to come down
But so much is happening on the ground

It's not a crisis
It's just so much selfish discovery
I think about you constantly
It's just that I can't find the opening

I don't think I'll check myself in
I know what I'm seeing is real
I'm not gonna' run away from a bottle
Drinking makes it easier to sin

Sometimes it's like the girl I missed
I wonder if I make them feel like that
It's the blues waiting to cry once again
I hate packing them with me but they insist

I'm not saving for anything else
It's already spent
You don't have to loan me
You don't have to owe me
Let's just drink tomorrows rent

You won't have peace in your bed
Not if you drag me in the girls room
That's the crazy stuff we'll remember
A line of girls knocking in some bar

I'm not praying for anything else
They've already been sent
God don't have to listen to me
God don't have to speak to me
Maybe my own will is what he meant