I just want to talk to you
and hear your voice speak
I just want to be with you
and lay in your arms so deep
I  want to scream
I  want to cut
I  just want to stop
wanting you so much
I don't want to miss you
I don't want to care
I don't want to keep reliving your stare
I don't want to see you
Or wonder where you are
I didn't want things to go this far
I don't want to worry
Or try to keep you near
I don't want to love you
But inevitably I do
I don't want my heart to break
But it's breaking over you
I didn't ask for this
Or even really try
I didn't need a man
Or a new start
I just wanted to be miserable
and left alone here in the dark

I wanted to not fall into
what I have so many times before
Why can't I just hate you
as I do all your kind
Why do I want to run to you
when there's a chance I'll be left behind?
What's this spell you have put me under?
with your captivating charms?
Why do I dream of you and long to be where you are?
Why am I so stupid?
Why am I so blind?
You're only going to hurt me....
It's just a matter of time.

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden

I think when I first saw you,
I swallowed you like my anti depressant pills,
and you settled into my stomach.
When I first saw you,
A thousand seconds in time wrapped themselves in silk,
And became cocoons of memories.
Turning into butterflies,
they fly around in my chest.
When I see your smile,
when I hear your laugh,
when I remember the stars in your eyes.
When I first saw you,
I wanted to breathe in all of the air of the earth.
Because you...
You took my breath away.
When I first saw you,
I wanted to live.
For the first time in my life..
I wanted to  live.
But minutes turned to seconds on our pocket watches,
and you sat on the hillside of my insides with a gun.
You sat there and shot down all my butterflies.
And now..
I don't want to live.
And I don't want to love.
I want to die.
You took love from me.
You stamped at it with your feet like cigarette ashes but I'm still burning.
You grabbed me by my throat and whispered,
"I love you."
And as you left me there dying,
with my last breath I apologized for getting blood on your coat.

He led me to the water
said just put in your toes
feel the wave wash over you
and let your demons go.

It drags my insecurities
swiftly out to sea
takes them to the bottom
and drowns them all beneath.

Dig my toes in deeper,
sand swallows my feet whole ;
he knows what this place does for me
it patches up my soul.

Dinosaurs were in existence for 160 million years.
**** Sapiens have been in existence merely 200,000 years.
Will humans remain the dominant species on Earth... or are we simply a phase of life that will eventually be replaced? ...and if so, how so? Will mankind extinguish itself? Or is mankind -is the aspect of life itself- some type of chess game played by the Gods of the universe? By Gods of the universe... do I literally mean spiritual Gods and anointed souls... or do I mean the physical and chemical forces that construct and compose the world beyond the world that we live in.
What about dimensions?
Are the crossable?
Should I mention; they say that human beings are the most intelligent creatures alive. We exist and thrive off energies and vibes yet how many of us utilize the potentials possessed within us? Does that make us less intelligent than they say?
But who is 'they'?
Who believes in the extraterrestrial?
Who believes in Magic?
Are dreams a portal to things unforeseen?
Is there a higher power, or are all things reasonable and explainable through the documentations of science?
Have you ever pondered the wonders of Faith?
Does everything happen for a reason, or are all things coincidental?
Knowledge is Power and Evolution is Revolution.

being famished, malnourished of the words,
adorned on a sapphire platter, looking sumptuous,
but as I try to pick one of them, it disappears,
leaving behind thin air, devoid of those nouns,
adjectives, verbs and prepositions, I so desire,
but they are not for me to grab, and gobble down,
I am meant to sleep empty, without a trace
of something creative, to simmer in my mind,
the concoction of imagination, thus remains dried,
and I look for the flies with an incredible vision,
into the worlds of worlds of chronicles,
so that I could seize them into my fist and
appeal for a single ray of light, that could
awaken my senses, making me experience things,
agitating me to see new dreams, the slivers
of which can be scattered on the pages,
bringing to existence, the wondrous universes,
still unexplored, for me to step through,
and find that one fruit I could feast upon,
to fill up my drained urn with a fragment,
of a blessing of that miraculous muse

It started out with one
"I love you," said he.
She said, "I love you, too.
It'll always be you and me."

And yet, as often is the case
He was soon on his way
Out the door, he left her
Once there was nothing left to take.

It took awhile for the second
To convince her to let him in
And she was right to worry
Since he left right after, fin.

It soon turned into three
'Cause that's when she stopped believing
She let him in, saying, screaming--
"Oh, please, just stop my grieving."

But that was too much pressure
And he was ill-equipped
To deal with such a girl
So sad, alone, and whipped.

So three faded into four
But he was nothing but mean
He did not love her, not one bit
And the things he did, obscene.

Five tried to save her
Oh yes, he truly tried
But she was much too broken
And sadly, their love died

Six is the devil's number
And there's a good reason why
He used her face as a cutting board,
Now she can't look him in the eye.

Seven could have been her everything
He was her greatest maybe
But neither of them were ready,
Torn apart by an unborn baby

Eight was a late night mistake
Fueled by drunken lust
Though in the morning, she denied it,
He was her needful, solid must.

Eight told nine about her
And he was rather struck
Nine was one of those guys,
The ones who only want to ****

And though she told him no
He simply didn't care
She was quiet, she was still
She pretended she wasn't there.

Ten came rushing in
He saw her eyes and scars
And he said, "There is no yours or mine,
There is only ours."

But she wasn't ready
And their love began to falter
By the time she wore her dress of white
She was fleeing from the altar

But eleven understood her past
She told him more each night
And he promised to be there
And help her put things right.

He waited patiently every day
For her to settle in
For her to remember who she was
Before she attempted to love him.

She remembered back to the days before
The days of one through ten
She realized there was more to her
Than to be an object of men

She started painting every day
She started baking pies
And in the process of filling up her world
She opened up her eyes.

She started to believe in herself
She managed to look in the mirror
She knew that she was worth something
And she stopped living in fear.

Eleven waited patiently
He held her hand when she cried
And she helped him with his demons, too.
She called him out when he lied

Their life together was not perfect
Love never really is
But it was something completely new
It was both hers and his

She never forgot about her demons
But she discovered she could forgive
She could make amends with her past
She could fight her sadness, she could live.

She kissed him softly every night
And he held her close each day
Their story is the living proof
That everything will be okay.