at some point in my life,
a bitter seed was planted in my veins -
or perhaps it had been there all along,
and its roots slowly raced toward my heart?
all i'm certain of is this;
i'm not the person i
used to be.
i've hurt too many people
and done too many unacceptable deeds,
and thought too many negative thoughts
to continue with my life at
this same
pace
in which i exist.

life's a whole lot more complex than
dreams, tea, and poetry.
maybe one day i'll wake up and realise
i'm not growing any younger.

he told me, "put down the cigarette,"
worried i'd get sick.
i looked at him with regret,
craving nicotine like a nervous tick.
we left around half past twelve,
just to clear the air,
leaving my heart on the shelves.
he asked, "is this really fair?
breaking my heart this way?"
he reiterated his worry.
and i laughed it all away
"don't fret, my honey.
i'm clean and new.
my heart has been glued
and is no longer in two.
i'm eating my food -
see look! my ribs!
they're aren't as pronounced.
maybe one day we really can have kids."
his hand held mine as he denounced
that i was still no good
i was still no better
than before emotions would flood
his heart, i still his debtor.
so on i went,
forward to the waves,
and on this pole i leant,
until i came to with sun's rays...
and i became one with the sea.
she is more than i would ever be.

I recognize her and run
but she chases me into the darkest
corners where I cower and feel the
anxiety thrum like musical chords in
a restless tempo. She drowns me but
I still seem to be gasping for air. I try
to scream but the clenching in my
stomach won’t disappear. She shields
me in her sensitivity as she consumes
my mind—forcing her way into my
unsuspecting thoughts. She captures
my attention for her own use. She’s
everywhere I look, she’s the only thing
I feel deep inside. She becomes the
blood rushing through my veins and the
skin covering my trembling bones. She’s
the monster under my bed and the one
living in the depths of my closet. She has
become the darkness of my life, and
I can’t seem to escape.

In love, nothing exists between heart and heart.
Speech is born out of longing,
True description from the real taste.
The one who tastes, knows;
the one who explains, lies.
How can you describe the true form of Something
In whose presence you are blotted out?
And in whose being you still exist?
And who lives as a sign for your journey?

you told me you'd do everything in your power to not hurt me
you promised things that i thought would go threw
you told me you loved me and im a stupid girl who believed it so easily

your lies flowed out of your mouth so easily  
it was like you singing a song

you promised you'd stick with me
but now your intertwining your fingers with someone and kissing them softly like it was me.

you knew my face like the back of your hand
when i was upset you wouldnt let it go

you promised you'd do a lot of things

and those promises are still stuck to me
because all im doing is waiting for them to happen

and i'll never realize when they will because
your not mine, your hers now.