The ones you love the most
will break your heart once or twice
It's not because their evil
their human, they will mess up sometimes
The one you give your heart to
will disappoint you one day
It's not because they don't love you
their fighting demons that won't ever go away
The people you call your friends
will make mistakes that will upset you
It's not because they don't care about your friendship
it's just what they have to do
The sun won't always shine
sometimes it will rain
It doesn't mean something bad will happen
it's God's way of cleansing your pain
Your parents who you thought were perfect
may overstep their boundaries by telling you what to do
It's not because they doubt you
it's their way of saying that they care about you
The God you lean on 24/7
will cause you to hit rock bottom
It's not because he deserted you
it's the only way you will grow

Reading to me is like being in a relationship. You invest your time getting to know characters like you do getting to know someone. There are no pictures in novels so you fall in love with a characters personality and heart instead of their looks which I think a lot of people don't do in the real world anymore. You go on adventures, you feel things and parts of you that you thought died are brought back to life with one simple quote, phrase or line. The characters may be fictional but the things the characters go through sometimes are actual things people go through. It's nice to have places and people to lean on when reality gets to be a little too much. The best part is that the characters never leave. If you miss them, just open the book and there they are. People complain that reading takes too much time. Books are like life. You have to take it one chapter at a time because if you move too fast, you will miss the most important moments. Life already moves too quickly. It's nice to be able to pick up a book, take your time and catch your breath.

I forgive you for the rumors you spread
I forgive you for cheating on me
I forgive you for criticizing my looks
I forgive you for cursing me with insecurities
I forgive you for choosing alcohol over me
I forgive you for the lies you told
I forgive you for all the sleepless nights
I forgive you for stealing my hope
I forgive you for turning my friends agaisnt me
I forgive you for comparing me to her
I forgive you for making me out to be a *****
I forgive you for using my pain agaisnt me
I forgive you for making me feel so low
I forgive you for the mean texts
I forgive you for stealing my property
I forgive you for using me for ***
I forgive you for the harsh words
I forgive you for being fake
I forgive myself for letting you have power over me
I forgive you for becoming the person you said you’d never be

Writing gets way more personal
Imagination moves at full speed
No anxiety
Every part of my body feels like it is in a jacuzzi

Caramel Macchiato flavor
Overwhelming feelings are at a standstill
Family is more tolerable
Friends are more entertaining
Early mornings are the best time to be outside
Enjoying the sunrise

Problems find solutions
Off days turn out to be the biggest blessings
Eerie thoughts are heard
Time does not exist
Raw and unfiltered
You learn a little more about yourself with each poem that you write

They call her fat
but she's really not
She's actually really pretty
in fact she's hot
They make her feel stupid
and embarrassed to show her skin
Because of their words
her weight is growing thin
She's so unhappy
you should see her face
She wants to breathe
and get away from this place
There's no one else she can talk to
nobody cares
So she keeps losing weight
because nobody cares
You have no idea how this girl feels
when she has problems
Starving and cutting is how she deals
She just wants to die
she's suffocating anyways
and they still call her fat
every single day.

I am not Ms. popular
that is okay with me
I honestly do not like attention
unless it is my friends who give it to me
I am no beauty Queen
that is totally fine
I like the way that I look
I have no problem flaunting what is mine
I am not the one all of the guys want
I like it that way
It is nice to go out and have fun
without getting hit on everyday
I am not 100% anything when it comes to stereotypes
and I don't want to be
I like the idea of being open to anything
that way no one can label me
I am not a *****, I am not a troublemaker
I do not sit around letting others peer pressure me
I am someone who drowns out all of the negative noise
while following the beat to my own drum
I am the one who stands out in the crowd
by choosing to be the odd one

That girl is such a ****
she has *** with different guys
she swears she’s an innocent angel
but all she does is lie
She’s constantly talking **** about someone
then she cries when karma hits
she thinks the world revolves around her
if she doesn’t get her way she will throw a fit
She’s two faced, she’s a hypocrite
all of her friends say so
her parents give her what she wants
they don’t know how to say no
She cheats on every boyfriend she has
she’s always having pregnancy scares
she uses people, she ruins lives
and she doesn’t even care
Girls like this end up alone
it’s very sad to see
they think they need attention to survive
they can’t be the best that they should be
Girls like this act tough
but inside their breaking down
underneath those pretty little smiles
are girls who secretly wear frowns
Girls like this are beautiful
they need a guy to believe that fact
they act like their comfortable with themselves
but deep down they think their fat
Girls like this need a hug
they need a friend who will always stay
if you be the bigger person and just be nice to them
it may change their life one day

The blood seeps out of my thick pale thighs
and it doesn't seem to stop
The tears fall out of my dark hazel eyes
as I hear the razor drop
My body turns numb while ignoring the pain
it feels like I'm half dead
The blood gets darker and my eyes get wetter
there are absolutely no thoughts in my head
All I can hear is my heartbeat
it isn't beating fast anymore
I feel myself getting colder
as I sit on the cold tile floor
I feel myself getting sleepy
as if I just ran a really long race
I close my eyes and continue to bleed
while wiping the tears off of my face
I'm hurting inside more than usual today
the pain just won't go away
I could write in a journal or talk to someone
but what the hell am I supposed to say?
No one in this life can help me
so I cut to cope with the pain
All the while hoping I die
so I can get the **** away from everybody else

You sag your pants
I prefer mine tight
You wear beanies on your head
I wear my hair spiked high
You wear shoes bigger than my face
I prefer my small converse
You like to go out everyday
I like to stay home underneath the covers
You like to get things done quick
I procrastinate
You're impatient when waiting to take showers
while I can wait for hours
You like naked women on your bedroom walls
I prefer song lyrics
You like to talk about your day
I love hearing about it
You like to think about things
I like to jump to conclusions
you know why you do the things you do
whereas I never have a reason
You like things neat
I like a little mess here or there
You worry about what others think
I simply just don't care
We are total opposites
people like us normally fight
Instead we get along so well
we can stand to sleep together at night
We can spend hours together
and spend our time wonderfully
It's amazing to me how two different people
can mesh together so perfectly

A breakup means you are one step closer to finding your soulmate.

There is a reason we go through the things that we do
There is a reason why we meet the people we meet
Whether we understand those reasons or not
in the end they shape us into who we are
When things go to **** we have two options
We can be victims
or we can be warriors
Who are you going to be?

Let's sit on this park bench together
and watch the people go by
We can dip our french fries into our ice cream
as we laugh while we cry

Let's swing on the swing set
and sing obnoxiously out loud
We can lean back as far as we can
until we feel as light as the clouds

Let's lay side by side on the grass
and chase butterflies with our eyes as we hold hands
We can cherish the moment
where we pretend to be children again

I put some money into a vending machine
I was in the mood for a soft drink
A man about my age was staring at me
I didn't quite know what to think
He walked up to me and said
"Do you realize you just paid 5 euros for that?"
"Is that too much?" I asked
He shook his head yes and chuckled
Feeling so embarrassed
I began to walk away
When he said out loud "Wait!"
He took some keys out of his pocket
and opened up the machine
He gave me back the money I was owed
I told him "You didn't have to do that"
He replied "I know that but I wanted to"
then he kindly smiled

We sat waiting for the bus
as we fell into conversation
He asked me if I was American
I told him that I was
"How are you liking Bristol?" he asked "Is it everything you imagined it to be?"
"Actually no" I answered "It's better than I imagined it."
We conversed about my stay here
I told him I was here visiting a friend
He admitted that he wished he would have met me sooner
because I seemed like an interesting gal
We ended up going for a walk
stopping for a break at St George Skatepark
He asked me if I was looking forward to going back home
I told him that I wasn't
"All you ever hear about is London, Manchester and many others city's
people think those are the only places in England worth getting to know
After being here in Bristol for this entire week
I have falling in love with this place and it will break my heart to go."

After a few seconds of silence he said "Then don't go. Marry me and you won't have to go."
"That is illegal" I replied back in shock
"Not if we never divorce" he said very seriously
"I don't even know you. I met you an hour ago" I said still in shock
"Alright" he told me taking a seat on the ground "Here is what you need to know
I am a bit messy, in fact I am a major slob
however I feel that after living with a woman for some time
that bad habit will eventually stop
I am a huge breakfast person
I could eat breakfast all day
I can cook too so if you are ever hungry just let me know
and I will start cooking away
I have a **** job but I make decent money
I don't live in a mansion or anything but it's a place to live
so either way I am happy
My friends are total idiots, they are in fact a group of arseholes
but they are there for me when I need them and
I know they would love to meet you
I know I am not that good looking but I will treat you right
I will put you first always as long as you never go to bed angry with me at night
I know we have known each other for only an hour
Maybe what I am asking is illegal
but I seem to have fallen in love with you
So marry me and we can work out the legal crap later."

I smoked myself a cigarette
okay maybe five
I thought long and hard about the situation
trying hard not to cry
I didn't even know this man
yet everything about him drove me crazy
How on earth could I marry a man
who barely even knows me
I put out my fifth cigarette
let out a deep exhale
"Okay" I said finally "I will marry you"
He got up off the ground, helped me up and then we started to run
For the first time in my whole existence
it felt like my life had just begun

I was 23 when I got married
I had no idea what I was thinking when I said yes to that man
I am 87 years old now
and I am still in love with him
In our 60 years of marriage he has kept his promise to me
to always put me first
I never go to bed angry at him
and we spend every Saturday afternoon at St. George Skatepark

Little girl, little girl please don't cry
it's not your fault that you want to die
I know that he's mean to you, he yells all the time
he does it so much that his words seem to rhyme
Little girl, little girl please don't hide
it's not your fault you want to commit suicide
I know that they hurt all the bruises he leaves
he hits you so much when he tells you he loves you, you can't believe
Little girl, little girl please don't run
it can't rain forever, there really is a sun
I know that it's cold when he forces you to his room
when you refuse to go he hits you with a broom
Little girl, little girl please don't be afraid
Jesus will help you and take you away someday
I know that your weak so much you can't speak
one day you will be happy and walking on your feet
Little girl, little girl please don't cry
it's not your fault your not ready to say goodbye
I know that he scares you when he throws you on the floor
Jesus is taking you home now
you won't have to suffer anymore.

That's the way the world is though.
The fakes get all of the attention and glory
for being something that their not
and the people who are true to themselves get rejected,
mistreated and bashed for living an honest life.
I honestly find my honest life peaceful.
I don't get a lot of attention
via social media and/or by people in general.
That's fine by me.
I like my small group of friends
who are happy being themselves.
I love the confidence and empowerment I feel in the air
being around people who are not fake.
My life is less chaotic and hardly has any drama.
I think that is the best thing about being a social outcast.
Fakes see it as something horrible
I see it as a blessing.

I have been told multiple times that I talk about my mental health issues way too much. I have been accused of sharing my story to gain attention. I have been accused of using my past as a way to get people to feel sorry for me. However, that could not be further from the truth. I talk about my mental health issues openly because I know what it's like to be alone and suffer in silence. I do it for the ones who are struggling and who do not have a voice out of fear of being told to shut up. I am not the one that needs attention. The topic of mental health issues are what needs attention. I do not need anyone feeling sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for me. Everyone goes through some kind of hell in their lives  and my battle with mental health is my hell. The ones who complain about me speaking out are always the ones who get off on telling people to be quiet. They are the kind of people who are ignorant and are so quick to judge issues they know nothing about. I refuse to be silenced. I refuse to let others who are in my shoes to be silenced. I refuse to let negative people get to me. I spent so long living in silence as well as many others trying to cover up the mental health issues in our world today because it makes people uncomfortable. It's time to speak up. It's time to be educated on these issues. It's time to make a difference so we can save more lives.

I spoke to Derek Sanders from Mayday parade on the phone last night.
It was a dream come true.

I am getting out of here tonight
I have no plan
I have no idea what I am going to do once I get there
All I know is that I am going to England tonight
I have one carry on bag with me
I have my purse on my right shoulder
a Starbucks latte in my left hand
and my phone in the back of my jeans pocket
I have three minutes to board my flight
or else my chances of escaping are gone
I don't know where I am going to stay once I get there
Right now I don't care
I just need to go
I have a broken heart
A soul suffocating and craving adventure
I need to go to a place where no one absolutely knows me
No one knows my past
No one knows my name
No one knows the secrets I hide
No one will know about my suicide attempt two nights ago
No one will know anything
I have one minute
I am running through the airport now
My latte is pouring all over my hands
I hear my heart beating in my ears
as the rest of the world goes silent
Suddenly!!!! I am in slow motion
ENGLAND
It has been my dream to go there for as long as I can remember
I am almost to the gate
Last call
Do I make it...?

As I lay here by your side
Warm in your arms
I think about wanting to stay here forever
As I ignore the alarm
I hold tightly onto your body
And I fall asleep to the rhythm of your heart
I dream about our days together
Their beautiful like a work of art
I can't wait for more moments like this
I feel so peaceful when I'm with you
I don't have to speak for you to know how I feel
There's nothing I really have to do
Except look into your eyes and smile
And you see right into my soul
You love me for who I really am
That's all I really need to know.

WRITTEN BY: Mandie Michelle Sanders
WRITTEN ON: May. 1, 2011 Sunday 12:33 A.M

Dear Mr. Styles,

To some you are just a member of a UK boy band
but to me you are so much more
Your voice has put together pieces of my heart
and brought my soul back to life
Your personality has given me courage
to treat myself with respect
The way you carry yourself has inspired me to be strong without being prideful
Your sense of humor has caused me to laugh through tears
The things you say during interviews are so random
It's the way you make me feel good about being different
that makes me proud to be a part of the One Direction fandom
You have taught me to not be ashamed to want to be with a decent man
whenever I was feeling down you, Liam, Zayn, Niall and Louis
were all there to hold my hand
It's because of you I have learned to stand up for myself
and not take **** from anybody
You have done more than just make music
you have reminded me that I am somebody who can do amazing things in this life
Thank you for always staying grounded
and not allowing fame to turn you into an *******
Happy 22nd Birthday
You are loved immensely


(Every woman has a celebrity crush who makes her feel great about herself. Mine is Harry Styles.)

Smile.
Smile because on this day last year you were going through something horrible and even though you thought things wouldn't get better they did.
Smile because the person who attempts to dim your shine needs to be reminded that not everyone is a **** and out to hurt them.
Smile because you're alive.
Smile because your favorite song played on the radio five times already and you wish it would play again.
Smile because even though you have no plans today that's fine because now you can spend time with yourself and give yourself some undivided attention.
Smile because you love yourself.
Smile because whether your teeth are perfect or crooked your smile is beautiful as ****.
Smile because everytime you smile you send a dose of magic into the world that makes someone else's day that much better.

When someone wakes you up in the middle of the night
whether it's by phone, e-mail, text or in person
because they are upset and need someone
do not get mad, irritated or annoyed with that person.
Think about it that person is falling apart
and out of all of the people in their life they could talk to
and lean on
they chose you.
For whatever reason they chose to come to you
They chose to let you in during their most vulnerable moment
because they trust you
Being able to trust someone is a big moment for any human being
Be happy that you are trusted with the most beautiful thing
a human being can offer
Being able to open up and allow someone into your heart
when you are sad is risky for anyone
That person opened up to you
Cherish that
Take that seriously
To be trusted is a rare gift
Don't ever take it for granted

I hate myself
I hate the way I cry
I hate my view of the world
I hate the scars I leave on my body
I hate the way I think
I hate the way I walk
I hate the way I treat people when I am mad
I hate how I feel inside
I hate the choices I make
I hate how I cannot make anyone happy
I hate how I give up so quickly
I hate how I close myself off from the world so that I never risk getting hurt
I hate how I care so much about others
yet nobody cares whether I live or die
I hate how my family treats me
I hate the word goodbye
I hate how I look
I hate the dreams I have
I hate my name
I hate life in general
I hate love
I hate sleep
I hate not being perfect
I hate being a **** up
I hate how he is worth it
I hate everyone and everything
I wish all this hate would just go away

It's been 100 days since you broke my heart
and I still miss you everyday
I do all I can to fix myself
but not even my passions can take the pain away
I see you in my dreams every night
in my dreams we are kissing under the moon
then I wake up alone in my bed
and start to cry because I really miss you
Every time I talk to another guy
I pretend I'm talking to you
I go back to the times when I told you everything
because I trusted you like you wanted me to
Sometimes I still feel your kiss on my lips
and it still makes me feel alive
then I realize we will never kiss again
and no matter what I do I can't help but cry
My friends all tell me I should hate you
but I can't because I'm still in love with you
I can't just let you go like a balloon in the wind
not after everything we went through
Your still everything I want
even though you treated me cruel
You will forever have my heart
and I'll die still being in love with you.

It's three in the morning
I have to ***
I go ***
I go back to bed
I am wide awake now
I'll play my Inside Out game on my phone
I used up all of my lives
I have to wait for them to reload

It's four in the morning
I am still wide awake
I'll read random status updates on facebook
I come across a woman I met once or twice back in high school
she's married and has two boys under the age of three
WOW!
She's two years younger than me
and she already has so much to show for it
What about me?
I am twenty-three and I don't even own a car
how embarrassing
I need to distract myself
Another profile of someone my age who is far in life
she is really pretty too
How come at twenty-three I look so old but this woman looks sixteen?
She is thin too
How come the only time I come close to being thin
is when I have an eating disorder
GOD LOOK AT HER TEETH!
How come she was blessed with straight teeth and I wasn't?
Why was I made to be an ugly duckling?
I feel depressed now

It is five in the morning
I'll go back to sleep
I lie down
I close my eyes
I cuddle close to my boyfriend hoping the touch of him
will make me feel better
He went to dinner last night with his family
he said he was broke and couldn't pay for dinner
but they told him it was no problem
His sister made a comment about my facebook posting
she knows what her brother is up to
because I post about every part of our day
What we do, what we watch, what we eat
WAIT!
How can he afford to buy me wine
but not be able to pay for dinner with his family?
They're probably thinking he's lying
Now they're going to be mad at him and its all my fault
Why do I post so much on facebook?
The world doesn't care about what I eat for breakfast
The world doesn't care about my "deep thoughts"

It's five-thirty in the morning
I posted a throwback picture of my 22nd birthday yesterday
That was a good day
Balloons, pizza, cake
One of my gifts was a laptop
The soul purpose of that gift was so I can skype with an ex
who was away at college
He never called that day to wish me a happy birthday
he claimed he forgot about it
How do you forget the birthday of the one you claim to love?
Am I that easy to forget?
I remembered everything about him
I knew the name of every medication
he took on a daily basis for his bipolar disorder
but he couldn't remember my birthday?
This is the same person who ditched me at prom
for a party two months prior
I was silly for thinking he could be considerate for one day
WAIT!
This was three years ago
WHY DOPES THIS EVEN MATTER???!!!!
My head hurts
I am tired
I am depressed
I can't stop thinking

It is six in the morning
I need to get up now

Dear guardian angel I am really frustrated
I hate being talked about and I hate being hated
I just want to go home, I do not want to be here
I want to be cool with the friends that I love so dear
I do not like feeling uncomfortable
Please make this feeling stop
it feels like someone is holding me down while beating my face in with a rock
I really want this day to be good
I want this day to be fun
I do not want to get angry and call my mom because that's all I do is run
Guardian angel please be with me today
keep me strong if I start to cry
I know I am a hassle but I will try to behave even though I just want to die
Give me a song to replay in my head to remind me I will be alright
Help my sister to have a good day too so me and her do not have a fight
Guardian angel help me keep my comments to myself
help me to have no fear
Help me walk tall with my chin up
even though I feel really weird
Help me to be my best self
Help me to be patient
Help me to not be so tense today
help me to just go with it

I have no one to kiss at midnight for New Year's. Instead of complaining about it I can't help but imagine how fantastic it will be when I am able to kiss my future soulmate every year at midnight for the rest of my life and in that moment I will be so glad I waited to save my next kiss for someone who truly loves and appreciates me for who I really am

You are not broken
You are injured
People get injured all of the time and that's okay
People only become broken if they allow themselves to stay injured

She put the cap on her pen
placed the bookmark in her journal
She packed away years of poetry into boxes
and left them on the floor of her closet
She covered her desk with a black blanket
so she never had to be reminded
that the one thing she ever loved more than anything in this world
was now dead.

I can't get you out of my mind
it's driving me insane
It seems whenever you're around me
my heart feels no pain
Even though we are not a couple
it feels like we are
I don't see why you won't go out with me
after we have made it this far
I realize you got her pregnant
you feel obligated to stay with her
but she's going around cheating on you
why would you waste your time with her?
I would never do that to you
your too important to me to hurt
I would be so faithful to you
I would even forget how to flirt
I bet you think I'm crazy
and although my words don't mean ****
If you keep going back to her
disappointment is all you will get
I can make you happier
I don't lie all the time like she does
I would be honest about everything
and I would never use the term "Just Because"
I have days where I think you love me
then I have days where I think you don't
All I want is for you to make me yours
but for some reason you won't
I can't wait around forever
you're going to have to figure out what you want
I'm not playing this game anymore
you either want me or you don't

I feel so much pressure
to be at certain places in my life
I am a dreamer
I like to think of the future
but I don't like to stress about it
Fear is a horrible thing to carry around with you
fear prevents you from having any kind of personal peace
Without personal peace
you leave yourself exposed to every negative thing
Negativity can ******* up
so you have to be careful
I just want to live my life
I want to do what I have to do to be a functioning adult
and also not want waste my free time
worrying about things I have no control over
Worrying is not fun
I am not one of those people who does something
because someone thinks I should
I have never been one to follow the crowd
I sure as hell am not going to start now

I want you to run away with me
just leave everything behind
don;t worry about anything or anyone
I promise we will be just fine
You and I can start over
we just need to leave this town
we can go somewhere where nobody knows us
no drama will be around
We can get away from all of the *******
and start a life just you and me
if you trust me and take this chance
you will be the happiest as you can be
Don't worry about money, food, etc.
just get in the car and drive
we will worry about life when we are out of state
let's just make it out of here alive
I know I sound crazy
but you will thank me later
just take this chance and run with me
I promise you will feel so much better
This is scary I know
it's a really big risk
if we don't take it now
we will always regret that chance to run
an opportunity that we missed.

I am like a cup of coffee
The black coffee is my soul
the cup is my body
the hot temperature is my love
the steam rising are my dreams
The sugar is my friends
the cream is my family
Leave me out too long
I start to get cold
re-heating me is like giving me a hug
reminding me that I am not alone
The spoon is my soulmate
I need him to mix the flavors
Whip cream is the blessings
I receive on a daily basis
The sprinkles on top are milestones I have reached
the scent is my voice for when I sing and when I speak
Vanilla is my favorite holidays
Chocolate is my birthday
Raspberry is my laughter
Macchiato is my sad days
Pumpkin Spice is my comfort
Peppermint is my kisses
Lattes are my poetry
Cappuccinos are my tears
Every flavor is another part of me you have to get to know first in order to like
Irish Creme is my hello
Hot chocolate is my goodbye
I am brewed every minute of everyday
I am well loved by everybody
I can warm you up and make you feel alive
just like a cup of coffee

Love is dead to me
I got no love to give
I feel nothing from a hug
I don't even have strength to forgive
I think of the word love
and it makes me sick
I get nauseous in my throat
all I want to do is spit
Hand holding and kissing are not my thing
anniversaries and hearts on paper don't mean anything
Those are things you do and have
to keep the other person around
That isn't love
that's like playing music with no sound
There is more to love than people realize
it's not all fun and games
Love is making each other happy
and taking each other's pain away
Love is doing your best
just to see the other person smile
Love is being faithful to each other
if one has to go away for awhile
Love is being strong
when the other person is sad
Love is being there for each other
even when times are bad
Love is not giving up
when one makes a mistake
Love is trying something new
taking a risk not a lot of people take
Love is admitting you have fears
and letting the other person help you face them
Love is thinking someone is amazing
without having to know everything about them
Love is a forever thing
Love isn't quiet
no one should say "I Love You"
unless they really mean it
Love is sticking together in situations that are tough
Love is knowing the other person loves you despite what others say and do
and that should be enough

I can't walk up to a stranger and introduce myself
without feeling out of my skin
I can't be surrounded by family
without feeling my world caving in
I can't text a person without feeling like I am bothering them
I can't open up to people
without worrying I am too weird for them
I am not putting on a show
or making up excuses
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder
yes it is a real illness

Self- harm is a coping mechanism meaning people self-harm as a way to get them to focus on something other than their emotional pain. When you are hurting physically, you don't have time to deal with your emotional pain so you push your emotional pain off to the side. That only lasts so long though. Your body is like a volcano. The more you try to cover whatever it is that is causing you pain, eventually you will reach a breaking point and snap. When that snap happens, your in real danger. Some people have an emotional break down, some self-harm even more than they already do and some even try to commit suicide and succeed. You can't stop self-harming overnight. It doesn't happen that way. There is a reason why people do it and most of the time it's because something happened and the thing that happened is too painful to deal with. In the end, in order to quit you need to confront the issue you are avoiding and it can be anything: death of a loved one, a break up, a car accident, abuse, abandonment, witnessing a ******, being kidnapped, miscarriage, divorce, moving around a lot, bullying, near death experience. All these things can cause a person to self-harm and a lot of the time these people aren't suicidal, they just want relief. To get relief they need to confront the issue. Confronting the issue is scary. By confronting the issue they are reliving their traumatic experience and they are forced to feel things and talk about things that they have been hiding through self-harm. Those who self-harm also need to learn other ways to dealing with their pain which can be hard to do especially if you were raised in an environment where violence, self hate, anger and abuse were how you dealt with your emotional problems and if you have been self-harming for a long time, it's very difficult to let go of something that has been your comfort blanket for years. It's strange that something so painful can be so comforting to people. Self-harm is something that is hard to understand unless you have gone through it yourself. It is an issue that needs to be addressed. You can't make somebody stop doing it. Just like drugs you can't make a person stop their addiction unless they want to. What people don't want to see is that self-harm can **** someone. All it takes is one wrong move with a razor or whatever you self harm with and your done. If that truth doesn't scare anybody into taking this rising issue seriously, I don't know what will.

My favorite thing about you is your smile
it just brightens up my day
It is there to comfort me when I am feeling blue
or when I am venting as you take in every word that I say
It is on your face when you kiss me
it gets wider with every "I Love You"
It makes me blush as I get goosebumps
and smiling is all that I want to do
Your eyes sparkle when you smile
they cause my heart to beat rapidly
I lose my breath so I take your hands
as I thank you for making me so happy
I get a view of your heart when you smile
that view makes me want to stare at you for hours
When I go to sleep the first thing I dream about are your brown eyes
and that perfect smile

It is so hard to grow into a better person
when I have so many people reminding me
of who I used to be.
Three years ago I was sad,
obsessed with my weight,
lonely,
bitter,
angry,
terrified
and withdrawn.
I was a lot of things I wish I never was.
It's hard being in a good mood after you hit rock bottom
when you have no idea of who you truly are,
when you're basically lost it is not easy to be happy,
social,
open,
confident
and kind.
I have worked really hard to be comfortable with who I am.
I feel a change within myself that has brought me true peace.
The kind of peace you read about in motivational quotes
all over the internet.
I don't want to stay in bed sleeping my life away anymore,
I don't want to feel guilty for eating a sandwich,
I don't want to be uncomfortable around people,
I don't want to be cold hearted,
upset all of the time,
held back,
defensive,
rude and closed off from the world.
I want to be free from those things,
I want to feel good in my skin,
I want to be embraced for who I am now
not for the person that I used to be.
You have no idea how challenging it is to change
after engaging in certain habits for so long.
Do not be afraid of who I am becoming
be proud of me
I may not like to admit it
but I need you now more than ever.

Take me to the beach
Let me feel the sand between my toes
Let me sit and fall apart
about all of the things I can never talk about out loud
Let me write my name in the sand as if it will make a difference
then watch it disappear without a trace
Let me swim in the ocean
Let me tie something heavy to my ankle so I can drown
as all of my baggage that I used to carry
suddenly floats away with my last gasp for air
Let the sharks eat away at the parts of my body
that I always find disgusting when I look into the mirror
Let the sunset carry my soul to heaven
where I can finally be at peace without the emotional torment
that always weighs me down
Let the pages in my journal fly with the wind
to be ripped to shreds like my life
that never mattered anyways

The other day I told my boyfriend I wanted to hurt myself
It was just one of those days where I was really depressed
and I felt like I couldn't handle how I was feeling without
causing physical harm to myself
He stopped what he was doing and held me as I cried for twenty minutes
He never once told me to get over myself
to stop being dramatic or anything like that
He just held me
He listened to me
He took time to try to make me feel better
To be emotionally vulnerable and to be accepted without judgement
was a feeling I have never felt before
It was very liberating
It made me feel closer to my boyfriend in a way
*** could never do

I have a lot of secrets
there are some I cannot share
Some things need to be kept quiet
I am sorry if you don't think that's fair
There are bad things that I have done
I have made people cry
I have disliked a person so very much
that I wished she would die
Some of the secrets I have though
are secrets I cannot hide
Everyone knows that I used to be a cutter
and yes I have thought of suicide
Sometimes I still have suicidal thoughts
but I am learning to ignore them
I am learning to embrace life like a giant cookie
I don't need to give into them
Some secrets I have make me cry
I wish they weren't in my head
When I think of these secrets they make me angry
and I wish myself dead
These secrets are past memories that no one else needs to know
their memories that don't exist anymore
meaning it is time I let them go

This is for the cutters, the ones with eating disorders, the ones who are bullied, the emo kids, the different ones and the misunderstood ones.

I know you all are hurting

you have demons you all are fighting everyday

some of you cut just to ease the pain

while some of you wish to just go away

You get talked about and judged

for being what everyone longs to be

and that is to be yourself 100%

not giving a **** who disagrees

Some of you are throwing up on purpose

to feel pretty by those who don’t see your true beauty

some of you do drugs to block out excess noise from the ones who call you nobodies

Some of you plan out your suicides

because life for you is unbearable

some of you hide who you love

out of fear that love for the same *** will be unacceptable

Some of you cry yourselves to sleep at night

while some of you stay up to write songs

you write about wanting to make a difference in the world

when in reality you already are

All some of you have is music

and the crazy thoughts inside your head

while some of you have no one to lean on other than the pillow on your bed

I know every cut, every plan, every purge, and needle in the arm

is an escape from your own reality

some of you get beaten for no reason at all

when all you want is to be loved by somebody

You all have one thing in common

you are warriors agaisnt the norm

you were put here to make a difference

to change the world is why you were born

This is for the ones who get frowned upon

for being nothing but themselves

This is to those who struggle with a mental illness

and is pressured to be like everyone else

This is to those who express themselves in ways no one understands

This is to the ones who go after their dreams

with encouragement from their favorite bands

This is to those with scars on their arms

and to the ones whose rib cages show

you all are loved by somebody

and it could be by someone you don’t even know

I know you think your not heard

but I got news for you

I know what it’s like to be in your shoes

and be unsure of what to do

I want you to know that I love you

I think you are awesome as it gets

you are the ones that I look up to

when I’m lonely and depressed

I care about what you have to say

even if what you say is bizarre

I accept you for the hearts you have

because your hearts show who you really are

I care about your well being

I want you all to shine

I just want to hug each and every one of you

and hold you tight as you cry

I don’t want you to be afraid of anything

I want you to go after your dreams

don’t listen to the ******* people say

because what they say say means nothing anyways

I know I’m only one person

but please believe me when I say

you guys are all I think about when I’m writing my poetry everyday

I want to be your voice

for those who are afraid to speak

I want to be your encouragement

until your strong enough to be on your feet

The world is a scary place

for those who are considered misfits

but in the scary place we call a world

is where magic happens if you search for it

You are never alone on this journey

I am here for you till the very end

I’ll be here until God calls me home

and I promise to always be here to hold your hand

I find it really offensive when people tell me they worry about me because I don't have a man in my life
"Don't you get lonely?"
"Don't you want to meet your Prince Charming?"
"Don't you want to be happy?"
"Don't you want someone to share your life with?"
"You better get out there because you won't be young forever."
"You NEED a man."
Let me take a moment to answer those questions

Yes I get lonely
That is why God gave us friends so we have someone to call when we get lonely

No I don't want to meet my Prince Charming
I am my own Prince Charming
I am strong enough to handle my own problems
I don't need a man cleaning up my messes

Who said I wasn't happy?
I have a family that grows everyday leaving me with that much more people to love
I have friends who encourage me to be my goofy self which makes me confident to be myself
I have my poetry, I have music, I have other things that bring my heart joy
I don't have time to be unhappy
There is more to life than men

Yes I would like someone to share my life with but I'm not rushing things
Love is not something that you can rush
It happens in it's own time
I've been around long enough to know that things always work out the way they should
I have no time to have anxiety about something that I cannot control

My age does not determine my future relationship status
People can fall in love at any age
Don't try to use age as a way to scare me into something I am not ready for

I do not NEED a man
I will be with someone because I want to be
NEED makes you desperate
WANT means you know what you are getting yourself into
Even the most healthy relationships end sometimes
If you NEED a man to feel good about yourself
you still have insecurity issues that need to be dealt with
How can you love someone else if you can't love yourself?
You can't

The worlds outlook on love is beyond messed up
Love is more than meeting someone, marrying them and so on
It's about letting someone into your heart and allowing them to love the parts of you that you thought could never be loved
Love is about putting someone else ahead of yourself
Love is about encouragement, acceptance, happiness and growth
Not ***, fighting, divorce and being forced into something you don't want to do
Love is finding someone you collide with perfectly and still finding happiness in each other even when the rest of the world is doing all it can to see you miserable

Life is full of possibilities
Let me live my life
Let me enjoy my happiness the way it is
Stop trying to change my personal happiness

Today was a hard day
everyday is a hard day
sometimes it's hard to concentrate
in every single way
Today was not fun
everyday isn't fun
Mom screamed at me today
I swear she burst a lung
Today I was tired
everyday I'm tired
my boyfriend is worried about me
I swear he thinks I'm wired
Today was very cold
I can't stand it when it's cold
when I'm cold I feel old
Today I cut myself
I got to live a little while today
but today was still a hard day.

Be honest even if the truth hurts.
Love even though it hurts like hell.
Be supportive even if you don't like the situation.
Do what's right even though you might get laughed at.
Smile as if nothing is wrong.
Be you because that's the best person you can be.

We did it
We finally tied the knot
After months of stress from planning
we got the wedding we always wanted
I walked down the isle
you stood there watching me with wonder
As we said our vows while staring into each others eyes
I knew I would look into those eyes forever
We finally kissed as we went from two people to one person
We became one heart
as our kiss sent off sparks of passion
I held your hand so tightly
to make sure that this was real
We are now husband and wife
words could not express the joy I was feeling in that moment
As we had our first dance
it became clear to me
You are the one
God has chosen for me
As our song played beautifully
we sang along quietly together
I am so happy to share this journey with you
that tells the story of us forever


This poem is dedicated to Jeremy and Heather Okon
Congratulations on your special day
I love you

2012 will be here in 7 days
and I am still stuck in the past
I need to let this **** go
or else the misery I am feeling will last
They say the world will end in 2012
why should I be miserable that year?
I want to take on 2012 as a challenge
and not have any fear
I want 2012 to be a year of changes
I want to change my style
my way of thinking
everything
I no longer want to be a victim to my emotional pain
I want to be happy
I want to be free
I want to do practically everything
I want to be confident
I want to run with excitement
I want to be the girl people talk **** about
but not worry about the haters
I want to be independent,
I want all of my dreams to come true
I want my uniqueness to shine bright
to the point my haters won't know what to do
I want to be ****
I want to be fun
I want to try new things
I want to finish high school
I want to drive
I want to dance
I want to sing
2012 will be the year to start over
it is the year to start fresh
from my birth to today I'm letting go
I'm going to start over
I'm giving 2012 my all and my best

That's the thing though. I don't give a flying **** about what other people think about me. I refuse to waste any more time giving pleasure to those who live to see me fail. I am well aware I am a chaotic, mentally ill, obsessed with words, etc. but at the end of the day I wouldn't live my life any other way.

You ever come across a picture on social media of a woman who is so beautiful that just the sight of her makes you physically sick because you know that no matter what you do to yourself you will never, in this lifetime, be as beautiful as her?

Then you just sit and think of everything wrong with you until you are in such a depressed mood you can't even look at yourself in the mirror because you are so disgusted with what you see.

Then you feel bad because you're thinking "this is wrong. This girl can't help that she's beautiful so why do I feel like I need to ***** when I see her picture?"

Then you start to get mad at yourself because you are being so selfish because you should feel beautiful in your own skin but because of some unrealistic expectation that you put on yourself you can't help but beat yourself up.

So now you have all of these thoughts going on at once and eventually you get so overwhelmed that anxiety takes over and now you feel like you are going to have a heart attack, all because of a beautiful stranger that not only doesn't even know you exist, but is probably photoshopped to the max because for all you know she may feel the same way you do.

So now you feel stupid, ashamed, embarrassed and your day is now ****** and the sun hasn't even risen yet.

Am I the only one that goes through this?