I don't want to get up today
Why make the bed when I know I will just mess it up later?
I just want to stay in the dark because I don't want the world to see me
COFFEE! I NEED COFFEE NOW!
I hope my shower washes away all of the uncomfortable feelings I am feeling right now
Taylor Swift always makes everything better
These jeans make my *** look big
My hair is so frizzy I wish I looked cute bald
Lipstick doesn't cure ugly but I can dream right?
I wish I could physically jump into the book I am currently reading
I don't want to go outside
I feel sick
This grocery store is making me claustrophobic
I can't figure out where anything goes
My head is full of chaos
WRITING HELPS!
I can't wait until my boyfriend comes home from work
Doing the dishes is so therapeutic
SERIOUSLY! IT'S THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE DO I NEED TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK NOW!!!????
I can't sit still
Something is wrong
I wonder if he thinks I'm fat
I need to eat slow
I hope this wine doesn't turn me into an alcoholic
I wonder if I annoy my boyfriend
I feel so **** and fat at the same time
WHY CAN'T I JUST ENJOY THIS ICE CREAM?!
It feels so good to laugh
Don't stop
BEDTIME! I'M DRAINED!
I wonder if he wants to break up with me
I can't sleep
Anxiety won't let me

Time to get up
Make the bed
Let some sun shine through a window
Make some coffee
Take a shower as Taylor Swift plays on the stereo
Put on some jeans
Comb my hair
Put some lipstick on my lips
Read a chapter from a novel then run some errands
so my breakfast doesn't stick to my hips
Buy some groceries
Put them away
Write some poems until the boyfriend comes home
Wash some dishes
Watch a movie
Do anything that distracts me from feeling alone
Eat dinner
Have some wine
Cuddle and kiss babe on the couch
Eat some ice cream wearing nothing but his t-shirt
while I laugh to the point my cheeks hurt
It's 11:00 pm now
Time for bed
I lie down as his arms wrap around me
I let myself drift away
praying I don't get woken up by my anxiety

He whispered into my ear "I want to make love to you"
I opened my eyes
I noticed the clock said 5:13 am
I rolled over to face him and his arms wrapped around me
causing goosebumps to form on every inch of my body
His right hand touched my face as he kissed me
his tongue dancing perfectly with mine
Before I knew it we were making love
It wasn't the kind of love making you seen in the movies
It was gentle, slow and passionate
Every move he made forced me to hold back a moan
I swear would take away my voice if I let it out
I dug my nails into his back
as if I was holding on for dear life
The only noise between us were our heartbeats pounding
everything else faded away
I felt him come into me
and a part of me fell deeper in love when I looked into his eyes
There was so much love in them
it was impossible to look away
He moved my bangs from my forehead and kissed me
leaving me wanting him all over again

I sit in the steaming hot water naked and vulnerable, both mentally and physically  to blemishes accumulated on me.
The mental thoughts race back and forth between  my eyes playing and rewinding  back through mistakes I have made.
Remembering the wrong paths that dramatically  changed my history.
As the water rises I feel the anxiety inside my chest making me hyperventilate profusely.
I close my eyes plunging my face into the water, feeling my hair floating over me.
Staying under as I feel the anguish of the misconceptions of my life fall off of me.
coming up as if awakening from the dead, while ceaselessly  stepping out of the ***** water leaving it behind.
I peer into the mirror inhaling the air surrounding.
Slowly wrapping my arms tightly around my body, letting the women in the mirror know I except her.
Telling her I will always love and fight for her.

I would just like to take a moment to celebrate my brother Ty. Despite the ******* life throws his way he always manages to get out of bed and get **** done. Whenever I speak to him it doesn't feel like I am talking to a 21 year old young man. I feel like I am talking to a very wise soul. A soul who even though speaks very little words, his heart is revealed through his actions. He may make mistakes just like all human beings do but when I need a hug from my baby brother I know that I will never be denied the opportunity to cry on his shoulder. I love you Ty Andrew. When you are 80 years old whenever I look at you I will still see you as the tiny blue eyed two year old asking me to help him steal cookies from Mom's cookie jar. I am proud of you. You are a great brother and a wonderful Father. Do not let anyone tell you differently.

You ever come across a picture on social media of a woman who is so beautiful that just the sight of her makes you physically sick because you know that no matter what you do to yourself you will never, in this lifetime, be as beautiful as her?

Then you just sit and think of everything wrong with you until you are in such a depressed mood you can't even look at yourself in the mirror because you are so disgusted with what you see.

Then you feel bad because you're thinking "this is wrong. This girl can't help that she's beautiful so why do I feel like I need to ***** when I see her picture?"

Then you start to get mad at yourself because you are being so selfish because you should feel beautiful in your own skin but because of some unrealistic expectation that you put on yourself you can't help but beat yourself up.

So now you have all of these thoughts going on at once and eventually you get so overwhelmed that anxiety takes over and now you feel like you are going to have a heart attack, all because of a beautiful stranger that not only doesn't even know you exist, but is probably photoshopped to the max because for all you know she may feel the same way you do.

So now you feel stupid, ashamed, embarrassed and your day is now ****** and the sun hasn't even risen yet.

Am I the only one that goes through this?

I was on a beach
The sky was grey yet no rain was in sight
There were seven other people on the beach with me
each one minding their own business
I was sitting in the sand
allowing my hands and feet to soak up the warmth the sand provided
I looked out into the ocean and noticed the water start to tremble
The trembling now reached the shore
and I felt myself tremble as well
It felt like an earthquake
The seven people began running off of the beach
I just sat there clueless to what was happening
All of a sudden I heard screams
I turned to my right and watched half of the beach fall away
taking the seven people with it
I stood up to run but I was forced to stop
as the remainder of the beach fell away
leaving me stranded on a giant cliff
There was nothing but water below me
with icebergs clinking against each other
The cliff I was standing on slowly began to crumble beneath my feet
I had no where to go
there was nothing I could do
Finally the rest of the cliff fell taking me with it
I fell in slow motion
I attempted to scream but I was silenced
when I let go of the possibility of surviving this nightmare
I landed in the water
my head hitting the corner of an iceberg
I floated in the ocean
as blood poured from the **** on my head