Let's pour ourselves a glass of wine
and make a toast to the craziest people we know
The ones who hear constant voices
yet continue on with their lives as if everything is normal
Let's toast the ones with multiple personalities
as society labels them as dangerous
Let's raise a glass to the ones with PTSD
may they stop reliving their awful pasts
Here's to the ones with scars on their arms
from trying to free themselves from emotional pain
To the ones with eating disorders
may you stop putting so much pressure on yourselves to be pretty
To the ones who can't leave the house
without feeling a tightness in your chests
May you find the strength to make anxiety your *****
so you can put your personal chaos to rest
Here's a toast to the ones who never give up
despite the struggles you face everyday
Even though people call you names and shame you
you always find reasons to smile even for just a little while
May you always remain strong
and be a light for those who are just stepping into your shoes
To those of who are currently in recovery
may I say I am so ******* proud of you for making it this far
CHEERS!!!

I don't mind that you have a mental illness
It doesn't bother me that you have to hold on tight to my hands
whenever you feel like you are drowning
It doesn't annoy me that we can't go to certain places for dates
because your stomach ties in knots unexpectedly
It doesn't irritate me that you get stressed out
when it's really hot outside
It doesn't make me mad when you have to miss work
because anxiety makes you physically sick
Your anxiety doesn't make me love you any less
it's the opposite actually
I am in love with you deeply
I don't care that you have anxiety
Hold onto me for as long as you need to
I don't mind
We don't have to go anywhere special
as long as you are okay then I am just fine
I hate the heat too
so let's be stressed together
I am here for the long haul
your anxiety does not scare me

Take me to the beach
Let me feel the sand between my toes
Let me sit and fall apart
about all of the things I can never talk about out loud
Let me write my name in the sand as if it will make a difference
then watch it disappear without a trace
Let me swim in the ocean
Let me tie something heavy to my ankle so I can drown
as all of my baggage that I used to carry
suddenly floats away with my last gasp for air
Let the sharks eat away at the parts of my body
that I always find disgusting when I look into the mirror
Let the sunset carry my soul to heaven
where I can finally be at peace without the emotional torment
that always weighs me down
Let the pages in my journal fly with the wind
to be ripped to shreds like my life
that never mattered anyways

I don't know what I'm doing
I am so far out of my comfort zone
I have no idea how to handle what I'm feeling
I just want to go home
and be away from the world
I want to shut off my electronics
and let the world believe that I am dead
I apologize for being weird
I apologize for being myself
It has been so long since I have let anyone in
I don't know what to do with myself
I want to run away
that is exactly what my mind is telling me to do
I don't want to do that
I don't want my anxiety to win
I feel so out of my element
I wish I could feel better
I need to stop doing whatever it is that I am doing
that seems to be upsetting everybody

I am at my wit's end
I just want to shut down and hide from the entire world
I can't continue ******* people off
I can't keep talking about my problems
to sort out emotions as I feel them
I can't keep reaching out to people
who have their lives on track
It's not fair for me to cause stress for other people
I can't even describe how I feel anymore
It's more than depression
It's worse than anxiety
It's something unknown
It isolates me
It confuses the **** out of me
It causes me to feel out of my skin
to the point I want to rip myself apart
I don't want to discuss it
I don't want to see a doctor for it
I just want it to go away
The possibility of me being dead by thirty does not surprise me
I am starting to understand the peace those suicide "experts" talk about
The peace
when you make the choice to die
how all of your emotional turmoil just disappears
Maybe I am becoming suicidal again
I don't know
I am so through with thinking
I don't want to die
but I can't keep living a life full of dead ends

I understand what it's like to be in your shoes
I totally get feeling like an outcast to society
You can't walk anywhere without being judged
For as long as you could remember you knew you were different
you just never imagined yourself to be as ******* up as you are
Some days are so unbearable you just want to end it all
you're sick of talking about it
you're sick of trying to distract yourself from the way it makes you feel
Suicide seems like a good answer
yet you can't bring yourself to do it
Why is that?
If we are so unhappy here, then why do we choose to stay?
Why not end the suffering?
It's that tiny flicker of possibility
that keeps us from making the worst choice we could ever make
That flicker that says "Wait! Just wait a little while longer!
Something good is bound to happen!
I just know it!
Don't give up yet!"
Don't deny ever feeling that flicker
If you have never felt it then you wouldn't be here right now
If you want something badly enough
you would go after it
Despite your endless emotional pain
there is something else entirely different
waiting to erupt from inside of you
I don't know what that is
only you can answer that question
Whatever it is though
you need to grab it and do something with it
Forget what the world thinks
Imagine all of the things you could do
if there wasn't an outside world telling you
that you couldn't be who you want to be
There is always going to be someone
who tells you that you are not great enough
Tell that person to "*******" and keep going
Who knows you could be writing that persons checks one day


I want to thank my boyfriend Chris for not only inspiring this poem but for always encouraging me to dream big despite what the world thinks. I love you!

I am so tired of being depressed
I don't want to complain to people
about how sad I get sometimes
They don't care
They have their own problems
They don't give a **** about mine
Sometimes it is impossible to leave the house
because the anxiety that comes from being sad
is too much for me to handle
I get so frustrated because it's bad enough I get so sad
to the point that I want to end my life
I hate walking around with the feeling like I am constantly being suffocated
When the sadness and anxiety get to be too much
I just want to give up on myself
I am so exhausted
Do you have any idea what it's like to fight something
that you cannot see?
The criticism from ordinary people with ordinary problems
are so mean
especially when those ordinary people are family members
I look into the mirror sometimes and I am just disgusted
I can see in my eyes all of the emotional ******* I carry
it is enough to make me physically sick
I just want to bury myself in some blankets
and never wake up
I can't even sleep because the stress of my anxiety
likes to keep me awake
I am so angry now
I do not want to ******* deal with this
I am tired
I feel like I am losing my mind
because my head hurts so much
I don't know what the **** to do
I just want to be normal
I want to be a normal woman
with normal emotions,
normal thoughts,
a normal sleep pattern,
normal self esteem,
normal everything!

I am so irritated that even the wind currently blowing outside
makes me want to shoot myself in the face
I can't tell anyone how I feel because they will worry
I don't want people to worry
I want people to tell me I will be okay
because right now I do not feel okay
I feel scared
I feel tired
and I don't know what to do