Tonight I went looking for my sister in the dark after her boyfriend left her stranded in the cold
Tonight I held her as her heart broke into pieces because that same ******* of a man left her for his ex wife
Tonight I watched my window shatter from the heart of a girl who has finally had enough
Tonight I sat in the cold with a cigarette in my hand crying because I felt helpless
Tonight one of my best friends admitted to me that she tried **** twice
Tonight I felt like cutting but I didn't
Tonight I felt myself turn inside out like a nightmare I can't control
Tonight I feel lost
Tonight is just a ****** night

It sort of ****** me off that the characters in the books I read are having more *** than I am.

If you are reading this right now you are probably a stranger who has never met me

I don’t know you personally and I have no idea what is going on in your world

I am not very good with people so excuse my awkwardness

If tonight you are having one of those night’s where everything seems off

Where everything seems to be crashing down around you

Where all of your past mistakes seem to be knocking on your door and

Voices are telling you to snort that *******, to cut yourself with that razor

To pour that glass of *****, to run into oncoming traffic just to feel anything but the emptiness you feel now

If your heart is breaking, if your parents are fighting

If your best friend betrayed you by sleeping with your boyfriend or

Someone very close to you died

If your feeling suicidal, lost, depressed, stressed to ******* capacity to the point you think you will absolutely lose it then

I want you to read these next words very carefully

You are much more than your past

You are not your mistakes

You don’t need that adrenaline rush, that sight of blood

That alcohol or that specific drug to feel better

Your life is far from ending

That feeling as if everything is ****** up is just the beginning of something spectacular being born into your life

In life great things never come without a little pain first

Whatever it is you are feeling I want you to know it is temporary

I want you to tell yourself that you are beyond extraordinary

You are strong enough to handle anything life throws at you because you are a bad ***

Nothing and no one can tear you down

Cry if you need to, scream if you need to, throw something if you need to

Feel whatever it is you need to feel, fall down, crash, let your emotions hit you

Then I want you to get back up, take a deep breath and keep going

Life is ****, life is down right awful sometimes and it doesn’t ever make sense

If there is one thing I know from my past experiences

It’s that there is something wonderful to look forward to

There is something worth living for and proof of that shows up when you least expect it

So before you go to sleep tonight

Please don’t forget to look into the mirror and tell yourself how wonderful you are

Because the truth is we are all facing demons but no matter what demons tend to haunt us

We can overcome them, we will overcome them

Saying no to whatever you use to escape from your pain is the first step to beating that demon

Let's go to England

We can take a 6 am flight and be there by 3 pm

We can see the Tower Of London and share a kiss underneath The London Eye

We can spend two weeks in Bristol crossing bridges, floating in giant balloons, riding boats and bikes and visiting Bansky's art

We can visit Shakespeare's hometown and walk the streets that once fell in love with the feet of the most romantic writer of all time

We can drink coffee and smoke cigarettes at New Forest Park and go swimming at Towans Beach

We can make our own wine in Gloucestershire and have a picnic in Cambridge

We can dance near Princess Street and go clubbing in London

We can shop at the Stratford Centre and drink tea in Oxford

We can stand in the rain in Surrey and go to concerts in Bedford

We can start over and make all of our dreams come true

Let's go to England

I just want to be with a man who won't run away when I tell him that I have a mental disorder

Oh Darling,
It kills me inside to see you so sad
You are so young
You are so beautiful
I won't be the kind of person who tells you that you are too young
to be so sad
Depression doesn't care about age
Depression doesn't care about race
Depression doesn't care that you have a plate full of problems already
Depression is a sneaky *******
Depression has a way of reaching into your personal outer space
and wrap it's arms so tightly around your neck as it forces you
down into the deepest part of the ocean
It lets you go every once in awhile but as soon as you are so close
to reaching the surface to finally catch your breath
it comes back up and down you go again
I'm sure somewhere in your heart you know that you are beautiful
You know that you are strong
You know that you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to
However, depression doesn't let us see our beauty
It doesn't let us feel our strength
Depression takes away our ability to get through the hell it unleashes onto us
I spent seven years slicing up my arms in the hopes that my sadness
would leak out of me
I spent months starving myself
as a way to make up for the beauty depression took from me
I spent so many nights envisioning suicide and attempting not once
not twice
but three times because I was so tired of feeling sad
I was so tired of being sore not just on the inside but on the outside
I was tired of feeling like I was constantly drowning
Someone once told me I was too young to be sad
I laughed in anger because how dare that person tell me that
How dare that person make me feel like I was being ridiculous
for feeling how I felt
Do you think I enjoyed making myself bleed?
Do you think I enjoyed being hungry?
Do you think I enjoyed feeling tired because I was fighting a battle that no one else could fight but me
I know that when you cry yourself to sleep at night
you wish you could just fall asleep in peace
I know that when you take those pills
you don't really want to take them
but you are running out of options on how to make your unhappiness go away
They say it's the people around you
It's the things that you watch
It's the things that you read that make you so sad
The only people who tell you that are people who have never
ever experienced true depression
I haven't cut myself in three years
That doesn't mean that when depression pays me a visit
I don't wish that I could lean on a razor to feel better
I am not here to tell you what to do or what not to do
I am here to let you know that I understand what it's like
to feel the way that you do
I understand what it's like
to be where you are right now
I know what it is like to just want to die because you are tired of fighting
I also know now that there is a light at the end of this dark
and what feels like an endless tunnel
I know that if you keep fighting
you will get through this sadness
I'm not saying the sadness will go away because it won't
I'm twenty three years old and that sadness I felt as a teenager
still lingers behind me each and every day
I learned to reach inside myself
and use my sadness as a weapon to kick depression's ***
It's exhausting each and every day
It was devastating to learn that I will be fighting this battle for the rest of my life
I have two options every morning when I wake up
I can choose to fight or choose to give up
Oh Darling
It kills me inside to see you so sad
You are so young
You are so beautiful
I won't be the kind of person who tells you that you are too young
to be so sad
I will be the person that loves you
and shows you that there is life beyond this ugly thing called depression


If you ever need someone to talk to: 24-hour Hotline.
National Suicide Prevention Helpline.
1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)

He got sent to prison today
The judge said "life without parole"
He will never taste freedom again
He will spend the rest of his days
stuck between four walls
I knew this day was coming
I knew what the judge would say
What he did was wrong
and now he has to pay
He murdered a man a year ago
in fact he murdered several
The man that I am in love with
turned out to be a serial killer
He skinned people alive
He enjoyed hearing them scream
Then he put their bodies in a shredder
so he wouldn't leave traces of anything
When I was at home cooking dinner
he was out stalking his prey
According to the evidence shared in court weeks ago
he murdered a man and a woman on Christmas Day
He skinned them
Burned them
Hung them upside down like animals
He shredded them to pieces
and came home as if nothing had happened
This has been going on for years
since he was about seventeen
It makes me cringe whenever I think of all of the times
his hands were all over me
Did he ever think about murdering me
Could I have been one of his victims
He told the courts killing those strangers was easy
because he had no love for them
When asked why he did what he did
he smiled with pride
He shook his head and laughed
"That is just the way I am wired" he replied
A part of me wanted to throw up
another part of me wanted to cry
When he was taken out of court in handcuffs
I was absolutely mortified
It is astonishing the way us humans
can hide secrets so well
The things we do when no one is watching
just to get through our personal hell's
What makes me even more sick is that despite his actions
and many other sins
My boyfriend is a serial killer
and I am still madly in love with him