I used to have to take sleeping pills to help me fall asleep at night
Now all I have to do is lie in your arms and I get the best sleep of my life every night
I love you
Thank you for choosing to end your days with me

Why do you do this?
Why do you make me cry tears of happiness?
Why do you make the hair on the back of my neck stand up whenever you touch me?
Why do you make it impossible for me to breath whenever you look at me?
Why do you give me an adrenaline rush so high I could swim an entire ocean if I wanted to?
Why do you stay home on Friday nights reading my poems instead of going out with your friends?
Why do you insist on holding me throughout the night as I sleep?
Why are you nice to me?
Why do you care about me?
Why do you inspire me in ways I have never been inspired before?
Why are you so patient with me?
Why does everyday with you feel like Christmas morning?
Why did you see me that day?
Why did you say hello to me that day?
Why did you ask me out?
Why did I say yes?
Why did you fall in love with me?
Why did you choose me?

I know it is too early to talk about Christmas but I already have my list made and this is what I want. I know my list is not exactly rational to some but as an honest person I feel that my list should be honest so when I go to the mall with my nieces this year I will be sure to give Santa this list. Yes as an Aunt I am required to believe in Santa. Maybe I do believe in him. Maybe I never stopped believing. Anyways, here is my Christmas List for 2015:

1.) Spend Christmas in the Children's Hospital with children who can't go home for Christmas because they are too sick. It breaks my heart to think of a child alone on Christmas. I know that families can go to the hospital and spend Christmas with their loved ones but depending on the child's illness, sometimes the families can't. I have a family but I'm not married, I don't have kids of my own so I have all of this free time and love and I would rather spend time with a child who is alone on Christmas just doing whatever they wanted to do than sit at home doing my holiday traditions that I will admit I take for granted a lot. I think it's important to give back and I would love to give a child confined to a hospital the Christmas they deserve, make them smile and help them to forget their pain for a day.

2.) Go to England. I know some may think I'm crazy but I firmly believe something is waiting for me. It's like a pull whenever I see a photo of England. I just have to go there to see what it is. I will admit I'm scared to go because whatever it is waiting for me will change my life and it could be anything. A challenge, a conversation with a stranger, a love affair, an opportunity, inspiration, the list of possibilities is endless.

3.) Meet Derek Sanders from Mayday Parade in person. Hug him and thank him as well as the rest of the band for saving my life. I don't care about a picture or autograph I just feel it is my duty to let them know how many lives they change with their music. I know many fans have already told them that but I haven't, YET, and I want to very badly.

4.) Snow. I miss it. I miss it like a person misses a loved one who is dead. I miss the feel of it. I miss the smell of it. Yes snow has a smell. I miss the beauty of it and how whenever I am surrounded by it I feel like I am in heaven. I miss catching snowflakes in my hand and thinking about all of the miracles and magic we miss seeing because we are so busy rushing our lives to things we don't really want. I miss lying in the snow and feeling like nothing on this earth can hurt me. No matter what I was going through, good or bad, snow had a way of making me feel alive again. I miss that. I need to feel that way again.

So that is my Christmas List for 2015.

Let us stay here forever
Let us just just lie on this bed staring into each other's eyes
as the snow falls outside
Let us allow the snow to pile so high
we have no way of leaving this place
Let us shut the world out and create a world of our own
Let us create a world so beautiful
it would be just like heaven
It would be our secret world
our special place where we can lie here for all of eternity
No one can harm us
No one can tell us how to be
No one can tear our love apart
It will be just you and I
Our two hearts beating so rapidly
it's enough to make non believers believe in love again
Let us believe in the impossible
Let us always dream
Let us always be in love


Dedicated to My Friends Jarod Drew Vermilyea and Nikki Lul

Before you close your eyes and go to sleep I just thought I would take the time to remind you that you are important, you mean the world to somebody and if someone forgot to tell you how much you were loved today then please allow me the honor of saying this: I love you, I think you're great and I am so glad that you exist.

Caring about what other people say
has always been a weakness of mine
That does not surprise me
I am a writer
I believe in the power of words
I believe words have the power to build you up
to the point you feel like you are flying
or drag you down until you're falling down a deep dark hole
like Alice did in Wonderland
Knowing how much power words hold
I make it a habit to speak things that empower people
There is so much negativity in the world
It is so easy to be mean
and make someone feel bad just by saying a few negative words
We all complain about the world being mean yet
we contribute to the negativity by saying things
that just should not be said
Instead of being mean with our words
let's be kind instead
Kindness holds the same amount of power words do
Put those two together and you get magic
Hearts soften with kind words
People believe in themselves when they are told kind things
People are better when they use kind words
I will always worry about what people say about me sometimes
That is my flaw
That is my problem
Not caring become easier on my self esteem
when I choose to speak kind words to those who are negative