You always tell me what to do
I'll never do what you want me to
You don't make me happy
you make me mad
You ignore me when I talk
and you laugh when I'm sad
I do all the work in the relationship we have
You don't care about us
or anything that we have
I yell and I scream
so you can understand me
but it's making me sick
because you never listen to me
If you really care for me
you would try to be there
but all your proving to me is that you don't care
So tell me what you want
because I need to move on
I can't believe your an ***
I can no longer hold on

I am so in love with you I want to scream
I am so glad I found you
it makes me gleam
The smile on my face says it all
you make me feel strong so I can stand tall
You kidnapped my heart
and it feels so great
You're there to hold me and catch me at any rate
Your love for me makes me blush
when you hold my hand I get an adrenaline rush
The things you say to me make me feel special
the things you do for me are so wonderful
I can do anything when you're around
you pick me up from the cold when I fall to the ground
I can't believe I have you
I love you so much
I love you even more every time we touch
You are my soulmate
you take my breath away
I love you so very much
marry me today


I wrote this for the man I had my first real relationship with. I was 16 years old. I hope to feel this way again one day when I fall in love with my true soul mate.

I need to go away from here
I'm starting to go insane
I need to go far away
so I can release this pain
I don't want to worry about tomorrow
I don't want to talk to anyone
I want to hear nothing whatsoever
I just want this day to be done
Why does my head hurt so much?
The pills I take are not working
Why can't I stop panicking?
I feel like my brain is bleeding
The noises I hear are getting louder
I need to go for a walk
I need everybody to leave me alone
I don't want anyone to talk
I take more pills that I don't want to take
but my head hurts some more
I leave my house and I want to puke
I don't want to hurt anymore
My hands are sore I sit down and I start to cry
if this headache does not go away soon
I'm gonna have to say goodbye

They call me ugly
They call me fat
They call me pathetic
They call me a ***
They call me depressing
They call me a cutter
They call me useless
They call me a *******
They call me anti-social
They call me dumb
They call me weird
They call me numb
They call me stupid
They call me a ****
They call me a poser
They call me a nut
They call me a fake
They call me thick
They call me a follower
They call me a *****
They call me all of these names
Yet they don't even know me
but every name they call me
pushes me further to success.

Their talking to me
they won't go away
They tell me bad things
every single day
They laugh at me
you should hear what they say
They take away my energy
and make it hard to talk
They torment me
they make it hard to stand
They leave me lonely
so no one can hold my hand
They call me names
and tell me to die
So I sit at my desk
and write my last goodbye
They keep on talking
they won't stop
Their breaKING mY heaRT
and THey Won'T stop
They KEEp ON TALKING
I WANT THEM TO STOP
I KEEP HEARING VOICES
PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!!!!!

They call her fat
but she's really not
She's actually really pretty
in fact she's hot
They make her feel stupid
and embarrassed to show her skin
Because of their words
her weight is growing thin
She's so unhappy
you should see her face
She wants to breathe
and get away from this place
There's no one else she can talk to
nobody cares
So she keeps losing weight
because nobody cares
You have no idea how this girl feels
when she has problems
Starving and cutting is how she deals
She just wants to die
she's suffocating anyways
and they still call her fat
every single day.

Dear Amanda,

Your 14 years old now. Your at that age where you're starting to get the hang of teenage life. It's confusing I know but it gets better. In five years you will be 18 years old. In the next five years you're going to go through things and feel things you never thought possible. You're different. The way you dress, the way you act and the way you interpret things are very different than everyone else. So different that your parents will think there is something wrong with you. Your parents might tell you to change or try to make you change into something you don't want to be. They might even think you're possessed by the devil. DON'T CHANGE! No matter what do not change. Your step dad will be really mean to you. Your going to do things to yourself as a way to release stress. The person you are, your the way you are because you'll make a difference in this world. You're unique. Don't do what others want you to do. Others will try to bring you down but just shrug it off. Half of those people don't know you. Why should you impress them? Be happy to be you. If others don't like you too bad then they don't have to hang out with you.
  Secondly, don't worry about the friends you lose. When you lose a friend due to some 24 hour drama someone else always comes along and if that person is meant to stay in your life then they won't ever go anywhere.
  Third, when your sixteen you'll be engaged for a year. He'll break your heart when your seventeen but you'll get over it soon. Enjoy every minute you have with him but don't be too obsessed with him because then you'll push him away. When he breaks your heart it won't be your fault. You'll cry, you'll feel alone and broken but lean on friends. True friends will help you get over him. Once you lose him let him go. Eventually someone else will come along who is so much better and who knows, he might be the one but don't get engaged until your 25 this time. You'll be better off. Trust me.


This was an English assignment I had to do when I was a sophomore in High School. I had to write a letter to my 14 year old self from my 17 year old self talking about things that were going to happen in the next five years all the while giving advice to my past self. Advice I wish I had at the time I was going through these things.