When you lose someone you love
life changes in so many ways
The holidays are cold
and you just count the days
It's hard to sleep at night
because your afraid of becoming weak
You just want someone to hold you
and listen to you as you speak
You smile like your fine
but your crying deep inside
You don't want to shut down
but you want to commit suicide
You want life to move on
but your lonely and you can't explain it
You try to be positive
but you can't get over it
When you think about the one you lost
you smile at the past
You smile because you knew them
but you cry because their time came too fast
Time just goes slow
you feel out of control
You feel empty and mad
the love you once had no longer grows
I've never lost a person to death
but I can imagine how it feels
I'd long for that person forever
and I'd take my time to heal
Everyone has their limit on earth
God has known their life since birth
You just need to let God take them home
and you will see them again when it's your time to go

I woke up this morning
with rain on my window
there was blood on my arms
and dried tears on my pillow
The knife that I used was sleeping on the floor
I looked at the clock
it was a quarter to four
Marilyn Manson was still playing as I got out of bed
thoughts of last night were hurting my head
My depression kicked in as I turned the music off
I felt ***** in my throat as I tried to cough
It is now five in the morning
I'm taking a shower
I'm starting to get cold
I've been showering for an hour
I step out of the tub
and I get the urge to cut
instead I slip on water
and fall on my ****

...................................

I woke up this morning
there's snow on my window
there are poems on the floor
and blood on my pillow
My heart starts to pound
and I start to cry
as I thank the Lord
for saving me from suicide

I can't give you a million dollars
but I can support you in your decisions
I can't buy you a car
but I can walk with you for miles
I can't stop you from bleeding
but I can hold your hand through the pain
I'll be happy to give you advice
but I admit I don't know everything
I can't heal your broken heart
but I can hold you while you cry
I can't stop the bad that happens in your life
but I can stand by your side
I can't succeed for you
but I can cheer you on every step of the way
I'm also there to talk on the phone
if I can't see you everyday
I can't go back with you to your past
but I can move forward with you to your future
I can't control the mean things others say to you
but I can tell you that they don't matter
I can't make you love yourself
but I can remind you of all the greatness I see
I can't always make you feel better
but I can try if you let me
I can't make things easier
on days when life is hard
but I can love you to my fullest
because I'm your best friend and that's my job.

I can't get you out of my mind
it's driving me insane
It seems whenever you're around me
my heart feels no pain
Even though we are not a couple
it feels like we are
I don't see why you won't go out with me
after we have made it this far
I realize you got her pregnant
you feel obligated to stay with her
but she's going around cheating on you
why would you waste your time with her?
I would never do that to you
your too important to me to hurt
I would be so faithful to you
I would even forget how to flirt
I bet you think I'm crazy
and although my words don't mean ****
If you keep going back to her
disappointment is all you will get
I can make you happier
I don't lie all the time like she does
I would be honest about everything
and I would never use the term "Just Because"
I have days where I think you love me
then I have days where I think you don't
All I want is for you to make me yours
but for some reason you won't
I can't wait around forever
you're going to have to figure out what you want
I'm not playing this game anymore
you either want me or you don't

Love is dead to me
I got no love to give
I feel nothing from a hug
I don't even have strength to forgive
I think of the word love
and it makes me sick
I get nauseous in my throat
all I want to do is spit
Hand holding and kissing are not my thing
anniversaries and hearts on paper don't mean anything
Those are things you do and have
to keep the other person around
That isn't love
that's like playing music with no sound
There is more to love than people realize
it's not all fun and games
Love is making each other happy
and taking each other's pain away
Love is doing your best
just to see the other person smile
Love is being faithful to each other
if one has to go away for awhile
Love is being strong
when the other person is sad
Love is being there for each other
even when times are bad
Love is not giving up
when one makes a mistake
Love is trying something new
taking a risk not a lot of people take
Love is admitting you have fears
and letting the other person help you face them
Love is thinking someone is amazing
without having to know everything about them
Love is a forever thing
Love isn't quiet
no one should say "I Love You"
unless they really mean it
Love is sticking together in situations that are tough
Love is knowing the other person loves you despite what others say and do
and that should be enough

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to take
Save me from this living hell
or watch me drown in a wishing well
Take the voices, take the pain
Take my blood, take everything
Once I go to sleep
don't let me wake up
Just let me die

Yours truly,

****** UP

When I opened my eyes this morning
I cursed at God for waking me up
It ***** living in this world
when you're an absolute **** up
Before I go to sleep at night
I pray to God to take me home
or at least put me in a coma
that way people could leave me alone
Everyday that I live is a day that I hate
I'm counting down the days until I die
and I honestly cannot wait
Not only will people be happier
because I won't be around to make their lives hell
I won't be suffering with this depression
that I don't handle very well
Everyday is torture
no one understands
that the heart that keeps me alive
is like a ball of glass
One drop and it's shattered
into pieces I can't put back together
Even if I tried to fix it
I'll be stuck fixing it forever
Life is no adrenaline rush for me
it's like eating a bad egg and throwing up
It ***** living in a world
where everyone considers you a **** up