I'm changing in ways I never thought would happen
who I used to be is gone
I went from this happy angel to depressed and broken
I don't know what went wrong
From my hair to my clothes to my personality to my attitude
all that seemed to change
Others complain about how I turned out
I love the results and that's strange
Sadness is not an emotion to me
it's something I deal with everyday
I hold it in on a daily basis
hoping it will go away
No matter where I go
no matter what I do
my sadness will stay in it's place
until I decide to release it by letting tears roll down my face
I'm learning to let things go
it's a process in the making
I'm risking losing certain people
but it's a risk worth taking
I never thought I'd see the day
where sadness didn't exist
That day will come eventually
and it's a day I refuse to miss

You sag your pants
I prefer mine tight
You wear beanies on your head
I wear my hair spiked high
You wear shoes bigger than my face
I prefer my small converse
You like to go out everyday
I like to stay home underneath the covers
You like to get things done quick
I procrastinate
You're impatient when waiting to take showers
while I can wait for hours
You like naked women on your bedroom walls
I prefer song lyrics
You like to talk about your day
I love hearing about it
You like to think about things
I like to jump to conclusions
you know why you do the things you do
whereas I never have a reason
You like things neat
I like a little mess here or there
You worry about what others think
I simply just don't care
We are total opposites
people like us normally fight
Instead we get along so well
we can stand to sleep together at night
We can spend hours together
and spend our time wonderfully
It's amazing to me how two different people
can mesh together so perfectly

I woke up feeling frustrated today
a part of me just exploded
I couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with me
so I freaked out and cried
I wouldn't let anyone be there for me
I just wanted to be left alone
As I went for a walk for six hours straight
I didn't even pick up my phone
People get mad at me because they can't understand me
not even my Mother does
The way I act, the things I wear
I do just because
I don't go out to impress anyone
if anything people should impress me
I don't let others in so easily
so thank your lucky stars if you know me
I'm not hear to make things easier for others
I'm a challenge you can't stand
I'm intimidating for a reason
I don't let any guy just hold my hand
I woke up in a very ******* mood
it happens from time to time
If you can't handle me at my worst
then your not a good friend of mine.

I need some time to figure out where I want to go in this life
If I can get just a little bit of air
I think I will be alright
I need to make some changes
I just feel so alone
I've built up so much anger
I don't know what to do with it anymore
Everyone around me is moving on
as I'm stuck in the same **** place
There is no light waiting for me at the end of the tunnel
I'm no use for anything
I gave up kissing *** a long time ago
I won't go back to that now
I need to run away
I got to reach all of my dreams
but right now I just don't know how.

When I was just a little girl
I knew something about me wasn't right
I spent most of my days angry
and I couldn't sleep at night
I found myself looking in the mirror at the age of nine
thinking to myself that I was fat
I thought that way until the age of thirteen
and that's when things got really bad
I spent most of my days sitting in my walk-in closet
writing poems as Green day blasted in my ears
I'd sit in the shower and cut myself
and let my blood collide with my tears
Not letting myself eat gave me some control
on what I was feeling all of the time
Even though I was always hurting
I would smile and tell everyone that I was fine
I poured my heart into my writing
everything made sense on paper
I felt relieved in some ways
when others treated me like a social loser
I was alone in this world of confusion I couldn't understand myself
All I could do was cry
because I was different from everybody else
The scars on me do not scare me
they remind me that I am not crazy
They remind me that I am human
with a past that is really messy
I still don't know what is wrong with me
if I could fix myself I would
Whatever I have will always be a part of
causing me to always be misunderstood.

The world says I'm ugly
I say I'm beautiful
The world says I'm stupid
I say I'm smart
The world says I'm fat
I say I'm pretty ****
The world says I'm lame
I say I'm interesting
The world says I'm a *****
I say I'm tough
The world says I'm weak
I say I'm strong
The world says I'm nothing
I say their hilarious
The world says I'm weird
I say I'm unique
The world says I'm a freak
I say I'm different
The world says I'm too much to handle
I say they can't take a challenge
The world says I'm heartless
I call it not putting up with *******
The world says I'm a ****
I say their just jealous
The world says no one will love me
I say Mr. right hasn't shown up yet
The world says to **** myself
I say keep going
The world tells me to change
I say "HELL NO" and continue to be myself
The world says I'm not perfect
I say "so...neither are you"

Where did I go?
How did I become this monster to myself?
How did I end up in this hole they call hopeless?
Why didn't I see myself fall?
What happened to me?
How did I grow to hate myself so much to where I look in the mirror and I can't recognize myself anymore?
Where did I go?
How can I get myself back?
I am hiding under pain I can't let go of.
I am running around in circles around things that seem to trap me.
I don't know what to do.
Everything I do seems wrong.
Anyone I turn to seems to drop me without giving me a reason why.
Sometimes I wish I would die in my sleep just so the world would be better off.
I won't be here to make anyone miserable.
Everyone can go about their lives as if I never existed.
I don't know what happened to me.
Maybe I really am heartless.
Maybe I don't have a soul.
Maybe I am slowly dying and I just don't know it.
Even if I was dying I wouldn't tell anyone I was.
I would suffer in silence like I always do.
Where the **** did I go?
That's a question I don't think God has the answer to.