"Define happiness"
I left the page blotted with ink,
Obscure shapes and a vivid mental image
Of your beautiful face.

"De-def-de-de-Define h-h-happ-iness"
I scratched the self help CD
you left on the bench as I cried myself to sleep that night;
A year ago.
It came with a book
But I burnt it after I threw my glass of ***** at the wall.

Your face burns my mind
Like the bitter way you were scared to kiss my tongue.

You weren't sick but you were tired.
And how could I blame you for not being able to fix me?
Was I ever really broken?

"D-d-d h-h-h-ness"
I remember the first time I met you,
The first time you spoke my name, you choked.
I still feel the first kiss on the back of my throat like
A bad after taste I can't drown.
The first night I saw you naked;
I had cried into your shirt only an hour before.
I have never seen skin shine like yours does.
Emitting a ray of blood curdling beauty.

The thought makes me sick
But do you think you could
Come over for a while...
Get drunk like we used to
And forget what happiness is?

Insanity is such a playful word
I want to extract each of your teeth
To play the most iconic drum beats of all time.
Make snarled rhythm out of your body
One.    Last.    Time.
Underneath the howling moonlight
We made love to.  
And you sat shivering.
Insanity holds such ambiguity that it's ready to burst.
So intense as it sits stinging you like bees
Watching you H. U. R. T.
Or leaving you laughing at strange.

I guess what we have is insanity
That it is driving me off the edge
And keeping me together all the same.

I want to break these dice,
There's not chances anymore;
Only the restful slumber of drowning.
I'm not going swimming
But my own ******* heartache is swallowing me
Whole; and I am not whole.
Not now, not anymore.

And you still love me,
You haven't even left
And that's an admirable thing
Because I'm ******* nuts
And I'm thankful.

This distance is forever widening
Giving birth to more space between us
Weakening the strands of a paper thin
Tight rope we situated our love on.
About to snap and you don't feel a thing.
Your love has changed;

Newborn lungs of lush green pasture
All the pain
Birds of prey; laughter
Little song torrential rain
handful

Of horses mane
Impossibly tamed
*******

Melodies
As wasps they sting
Remember?

The music plays
In dripping caves
Forever

Insecure
I'd shut my mouth
Then I could kiss
And watch you breathe
As golden seas
Endeavor

Wasting
Expensive rush
Tap your watch
Smile


A king of rats
A rat of kings
Jester
Hear me play
In this way
Wonder

Home at last
Cut down the mast
For fire

This moonlight beach
No man may reach
This sky of blue
It tastes of you
But sadder

I.
People leave huge
Holes in your spine.

II.
But flowers die,
Crumbling deaths,
For one heartwarming
Moment.

III.
An empty skull;
Suffocating... thoughtless breaths.
Trembling feet as I walk among the dead,
Are you afraid?

IV.
I'm afraid.

V.
"Unattainable"
What a throne I slouch upon.