Dear my best friend and one of my worst enemies
For all the good you did, you did a lot more damage.
The scars upon my body will heal
But the ones in my mind are still raw
And forever will be
Dear the one who held me,
But held me under darkness
Because of you I hid from the past under blood and bruises
Never really facing what was going on
You held Me in a choke hold
And told me I was special
Dear self harm,
I will not let you engulf me any longer.

One Tear, Two Tear, Three Tear, Four
Hurry Now, Im On The Floor
Five Tear, Six Tear, Seven Tear, Eight
I Dont Want It To Be To Late

As deadly as sepsis
It makes your world so small
Creeping in
Inch My inch
Until you suffocate within yourself
OCD has made my world so small
I'm not sure there's any world at all anymore


But I will fight back
Push back
Against the walls
That suffocate me
I will push back and
Kick and
Scream and
Swear and
Fight.
Until I can see the world again
"OCD no longer engulfs me.
I engulf it."

My thighs ache with hunger for release
And tears stream down my face
176 Days Since I saw you last
And felt your sweet caress of silver.
I feel you rising up inside
Engulfing my lungs and
With every breath you grow.
I must resist.
I will do everything,
Everything.
To divert your attention.
But I only manage to divert it to my wrists.

I'd think it's like being drunk.
Without the giddy part.
Seven minutes have passed
and you finally realize your eyes are dry from staring and your nails have been subconsciously digging into your arms hoping to cling on to reality.
Your existence is at 35%
and you can't ignore it.
The pain is unlike any other because with the other kind, you experience it.
I'll look at my hands for hours and try to understand.
Understand what?
You ask. I
don't even reply.

"He Looked Up At Me With Expecting Eyes And A Mouth That Was Droopy, Unfed."

"He Looked Down On Me Upon His Tower Of Woe With An Unwilling Scowl And A Stomach Quite Full"

"So There Sat The Boy Who Was Mangy, Yet Hopeful. And There Sat The Boy Who Was Clean And Yet Doleful"

"What Do You Seek To Posses;Is It Power And Oil? Or Kindness And Seed?"

"Oh Indeed It Is Power And Oil I Seek, For I Am The Mighty! Clean And Compelling!"

"For I Just Would Like Seed, To Feed My Poor Family, We Are Mangy, Unfed; Yet Still Remain Hopeful!"

"No! Said The Boy With The Clean Hair, Dark Tie, It Is I That Deserve It! For I Am  The Higher, The Cleaner, The Mighty!"

"Okay, I Will Go! You, The Unwitting And Boastful Will Stay In This Palace With Clean Beds And White Sheets"

"I Warned Him… That Boy, The Clean And Well-Fed, To Share His Fortune… Or It Was Off With His Head."

I Feel Sick With Emotion As I Write, Wanting To Stop And Throw Myself Out Of  The Car And ***** Out Tears Until I'm Empty Again. I'm Grieving Something That No One Can Even Begin To Imagine Losing. Flirting With Suicide Since Literally The Moment I Can Remember, I Can't Determine The Line Between Emotional Manipulation And The Act Of Telling Someone How I Feel Without You. "I Want To Be Alone" I Say As I Pour Myself Into The Closet Silently Praying You Will Enter And Drag Me Out Of This Depressive Haze. I Melted My Heart And Let You Drink It Now The Liquid Hurt Is Pouring Back Into Me And I'm Drowning In The Warmth. Without you, I'm okay. Just okay. (But drowning)