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124 · Jan 2019
Chris
maddy Jan 2019
as I stare into you and you stare into me
I know, I know, we were meant to be

you make me smile more than I have ever
smiles being just one reason I am so happy we're together

home is where I am, whenever Im with you
whenever we're together, theres nothing id rather do

love is like me; complicated, but always trying to be there
and just like love, I always want to be in your life because I care

I know that you're for me, and I know that I'm for you
and regardless of all my ups and downs, I think you know this too

I'm sorry that I can be so much, and so constrictive like a glove
but because theres so much to me, theres so much more to love

I have so much love for you, and as you know it makes me cry
its just so hard to comprehend, and I really wish I knew why

all I know is that being with you is a blessing, one we share together
and Chris I know you hear me say it, but I want to be with you forever

so thank you for being my love, and for being so much more
because if it weren't for you, id be missing part of my core
I love you so much
116 · Apr 2019
the weather of love
maddy Apr 2019
foothills we’ve walked
and mountains we’ve climbed
over fire and hot coals
and through water and freezing ice
we made it to where we are
in a little happy place

ive come to love the rain
and come to love the shine
all weather with you
is weather that makes me smile
so no matter if its pouring
or blazing down hot sun
any weather i live through with you
is still filled with so much love
maddy Jan 2019
say I'm not gonna get high
call you to preoccupy
invite me over
think I'm staying
too busy
video games
not staying
leaving
get sad
back to room
want to cry  :(
dont like feeling
now I'm gonna get high

REPEAT
a not so good cycle:)
100 · Jan 2019
loving you is like
maddy Jan 2019
loving you is like staring into the depths of the ocean
seemingly never-ending

loving you is like dancing in a rain storm
exhilarating and comforting all all at once

loving you is like being surrounded by forest
vast, calming, and serene

I love loving you
I love you
86 · Feb 2020
alone in my own abyss
maddy Feb 2020
Never to be loved in the same way
always unrequited
oh how it feels so cold
alone in my own personal abyss

Somehow it feels like it never ends
im always falling by myself
no one around to catch me
or to hold me

Clutching myself for something, anything
no one to come bring me back to earth
no one to wrap their arms around me
and to haul me to the ground

Alone and floating
isolated and so tired
never enough to be whole
always enough to recognize it

Won’t someone come
come and bring me home
remove me from the icy grasp
and melt me once again
I am literally stuck in a friends with benefits but exclusive relationship and I feel so alone and whenever I try to leave he doesnt let me. I really wish someone (or he) would love me that would be nice.
80 · Feb 2020
hahahahahahahahahua
maddy Feb 2020
good new things
bad has ended
tears linger in my eyes

not so sure
how i ended up here
but its a necessary destination

i felt stuck
now im free
but i forgot how to do it by myself

want to go back
but i know its wrong
why is this so complicated
75 · Jul 2020
i dont knoe
maddy Jul 2020
dont even know how to put into words
how much i hate feeling

when my heart begins to tender
i succumb to deep bitterness

i hate sharing my feelings
i hate having my feelings

i hate having them for someone
i hate you on my mind
73 · Feb 2020
front door
maddy Feb 2020
forget that i wasted 17 months
sitting alone in my bed is painful enough
hate myself for waiting around for you
even though i knew you werent there
you couldnt even put one foot through the door

but here i was
not even just one foot through the door
but i already entered the house
somehow ready to throw away my own home
for a ****** one with you

lost myself for a while in there
and there are still bits and pieces lying around
tucked away in little corners
waiting for me to find them
so i can leave that shoddy house whole again

trying to put my foot back out that door
but youre pulling me back inside
and i cant even go breathe fresh air anymore
all cramped up in this shack together
but you tell me its ok

but you see, its not okay
and i wont be locked here much longer
when i find the moment where i feel strong
im bolting out the front door
and i am NEVER looking back
i need help, i need to get out of a very toxic relationship but i cant
69 · Nov 2021
i am burning
maddy Nov 2021
Feeling an anger that rumbles and rolls in my stomach
as it plots to ***** out fire-y words of disappointment

Trying to tame the flames that tear through my intestines and
rage deep into my heart tissue

I am so angry at you. I am so angry

So heated
I am sweating, I am crying, I am melting,
I am swimming through myself and
my personal pits of fire

I desperately want your cool water to put me out
but you’ve refilled yourself with flammable lies that fuel my wildfires to grow
so big they decimate me

I wonder why there aren’t any sirens,
why isn’t there anyone
to extinguish this feeling inferno

But you are the fireman and
you’ve quit your job
so I am left here to burn myself to the ground, I am left to become ashes and soot

Indistinguishable bits and pieces of myself cover the floor, sitting in one big ashy pile,
but the flame is extinguished.
Why did you feed me fire
if you know how much it burns?
#intense #anger #disappointment #sad #bpd #splitting #mentalhealth #fire #relationship

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