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What do I gotta do to make you all mine
What do I gotta say to make it all smiles
You got other things to do than waste my time
‘Cause I’ve been so selfish
And I just can’t help it, yeah

Girl, just slow down
There ain’t nobody faster in this whole town
But I just got caught up in all this phony
******* about how I should be lowkey
When you won’t even speak to me
I don't wanna be here but I'm too afraid to die
Can't say I haven't thought about giving it a try
I tell people I'm happy but that's a ******* lie
I guess I'm just afraid to tell the ones I love goodbye

I don't know why I'm still here, or why you care, why do you care..?
Last one!
...
...
Do you know how hard it is with people
asking me
Left        Right    

                     and centre
Won’t stop asking your name..
And I have to explain.. that you STILL love me...

But not the same..
and when I tell them you left me... they look at me so incredulously
“He doesn’t know what he’s missing”

But the thing is neither do I :(
Yeah, I miss the old days filled with happiness
Where we are obstacles we would tackle it
We were young it was brighter days
I wish my life could stay the same
And
you were just
  like the     moon,
    so lonely, so
full of imperfections
                                                                          but just like the moon..
                                                                                 you           shined
                                                                             in times of darkness
goodnight :)
?
?
It's sad how
things are most beautiful
when they are ending..

Flowers when they're wilting,
the leaves in autumn,
the sun when its setting..

Your smile when it's fading...
Tell me that you need me now
'Cause in my dreams you're still around
You've been gone for quite some time
It finally feels like you're not mine

Will you remember me?
'Cause I'll remember you
Yeah, you

You went out and found somebody new
And that still hurts
It's taken everything inside my bones
To say these words
Even if it's not with me
I just want you to be happy

I was torn and I was numb
I needed you but you needed anyone
I was bad but now I'm well
I had to lose you to find myself

Will you remember me?
'Cause I'll remember you
Yeah, you
Memories ****
We know that this won't last
Not like it used to
And I'm okay with that
But not if I lose you
I can feel it in my bones
Sinking deeper in the overflow
Can you feel it in your soul?
If I'm honest, maybe we're better off alone
My mind is falling apart
over the decades,
her books became
such a part
of her

that
the ink
somehow escaped
her veins

& bloomed
her favorite
words & images
onto her skin.

Now
the world
would have
no doubt:

she
was the
pagebound
girl.

                                 - PAGE TO SKIN
Cross my heart and hope to die
I’ve felt this pain a million times
I say I’m good but it’s a lie
I wish you knew how I felt inside

80 in the whip as the rain hits my windshield
Driving fast to escape how I really feel
I would tell you but that’s a big deal
You don’t see what I see that’s how I feel

Hit the gas and I’m floating now
Text you back and hoping now
You stay with me you don’t *** around
I don’t know where I’m going now
I’m always chasing you around
You pull me down when I’m off the ground
Playing games like cat and mouse
One time just come around
I’m a get so high like
The skylight
You tell me I’m a down guy
Girl yeah is you down tonight
Go and get it till the sky rise
We gon get it like the high rise
All the way up to the top
Baby girl we don’t gotta stop
I wish you knew..
For you, yeah I’ve heard it all and made mistakes
Chased my days with Novocaine
Oh, I wonder, are we a work of art
I know we’ll **** at making plans
In the end you’ll understand
(For you)
(For you) shhh...
The princess
locked herself away
in the highest tower,
hoping a knight
in shining armor
would come to her
rescue.


                    - I DIDN'T REALIZE I COULD BE MY OWN KNIGHT
Flowers have
done nothing
wrong

Yet we rip them
from their
homes

and give them
to people who
don't love
us
I need a Person right now, and
I'm all alone on my couch, and
I'm really thinking how I could do things work better
I'm still me and i still made it through the weather
If i were you and you were me the things would be more different
Life just feels the same and lately I'm just feeling different
I just want to take it back when we were only kids
Escaped out of our classes just to give you hugs and kisses

But things are different now and feelings aren't allowed
It's funny now i try to hide em' back when I was prouder then

Yeah, I feel like I fell and I landed in the deep end
Getting wasted every party on the weekends
I meet girl but they're never what I looked for
Only feel love when I read about it in the bookstore
About time that the tables started turning
Same **** i was searching and searching
Getting sick of all this learning
Why can't my life be perfect

I need someone new, someone whom i call hers
Wanna get the feelings that I felt in the past
I knew life was ain't gonna be easy
But wasn't expecting it that fast
Your love is like an exorcism..
I'm suffocating but not from the smoke in my lungs
I haven't taken a breath since you told me I'm not the one

Your face was content and your words didn't stumble
while my breath caught as my world started to crumble

There was no hint of sympathy as you spoke the words
as if you were blinded to see how much this would hurt

I can feel my heart clench as my vision becomes blurry
You become nothing more than an echo repeating "I'm sorry"

My thoughts are stunned silent and my knees began to shake
yet my feet are paralyzed as I watch you walk away

Physically and emotionally, I've never been in this much pain

As I watch you one last time,

I wonder if I'll ever be able to love again..
I thought I’d feel empty if you ever decided to leave me ..

Isn’t it strange?

That these days I feel more full then I ever did when I was with you
It's all lies out the gate I snuck up fast,
I'm losing everything that I thought would always last
So now I lie waiting for a cure
To this poisoned and diseased
Mind I thought that had my back
Now I'm giving up, God help
I've been falling apart
Self distractive at heart
It's okay, it's okay if you hate me
I've been living my death
Over and over again
It's okay, it's okay if you hate me
'Cause I hate me
(It's ok if you hate me)
Am I blind?
I'm letting myself slip away
I'm losing every chance I get to keep myself the same
So now I hide I keep my secrets locked inside
I'll severe out the truth so the world can see my lies
Now I'm giving up, God help
**** **** **** **** **** **** ...hate myself..? Or just the world?
I feel alive when I'm sleeping
'Cause they can't trust my words if I don't speak
But the world knows most my secrets
I feel alive when I'm asleep

And I haunt myself in the middle of the night
As I float through the frame of my body in my mind, oh
Everyone knows that I'm dying to feel fine
But the lens in my brain always tells me twisted lies

I see the world through a filter
And I'm just a different kind
I feel alive when I'm sleeping
I always hide on the inside
Him
Him
My pen could write
for a thousand people

But it never smiles about them
the way it does for you
I hope you're waiting..
When I'm sad
I don't want someone to tell me
about how "it gets better"
and that I need to "move on"

I need someone to tell me
that it's okay to be sad,
and that feelings are validated.

I don't need someone to tell me
about how much happier I could be,
I need someone to just hold me
and tell me that I've been strong
and that it's okay
to sometimes not be
okay..
I'm sorry that I did this
The blood is on my hands
I stare at my reflection
I don't know who I am
Practice my confession
In case I take the stand
I'll say I learned my lesson
I'll be a better man
I'm packing up my things and
I'm wiping down the walls
I'm rinsing off my clothes and
I'm walking through the halls
I did it all for her
So I felt nothing at all
I don't know what she'll say
So I'll ask her when she calls

"Would you love me more
If I killed someone for you?
Would you hold my hand?
They're the same ones that I used
When I killed someone for you

I hear the sirens coming
I see the flashing lights
I'm driving through the suburbs
Wearing my disguise
I show up at her doorstep
To look her in the eyes
I tell her that it's me
But she doesn't recognize
Can't you see I'm running?
Said I need a place to hide
I've gotta ask you something
Could you please let me inside?
Just let me explain
No I wouldn't tell you lies
I know you'll understand
If you let me stay the night"

Would you turn me in
When they say I'm on the loose?
Would you hide me when
My face is on the news?
'Cause I killed someone for you

You have to understand that
The one I killed is me
Changing what I was
For what you wanted me to be
I followed your direction
Did everything you asked
I hope it makes you happy
'cause there's just no turning back
You found my weakest spots and dig in deep
Show up with someone new just so I can see
I act out pathetic
Told you it hurts but you still don't get it
I used to think certain things bother me more than they should
But then I realized you just make me feel misunderstood
If love is pain and pain is real
Baby, if it wants you feel
I couldn't stop myself from falling for you
You turned into someone else, I wish I knew
if..
I drink my coffee in the morning
I brush my teeth before bed
I fake a smile to keep the sad thoughts
Out of my head
I sit outside and watch the world spin
I bet you probably moved on
But I still can't seem to sing
Hmm, anything but this song

I've asked my therapist, my mom and dad the same
I've asked my friends and fam, they all say I'm to blame
I've spent all this time pretending I'm okay
Well, I'm not okay

Today might be the day I go insane
The day I go insane
That'll be the day, today might be the day
The day I go insane

It'll probably be the best day in my life
I'll be rid of all my problems, I'll be rid of my strife
And I can't even fix an issue by just sayin' "Good night"
And I don't even got to worry if I'm wrong or I'm right
And when I argue with my darkest side, it's comin' to light
I'd rather have 'em call me crazy, than have another fight with you
This mind of mine is mine to lose, it's true
I’m sorry
if I
wasn’t
the daughter
you had
in mind.


- I only ever wanted to make you proud
Sometimes you
just have to

let go of certain
people in order

to make room
for something

Beautiful To Enter Your Life
I wish we lived in a world...

Where it was safe to keep

..our hearts unlocked
there are
some mothers
who will warn you

to never ever
(ever ever)
touch the stove,

but there are
some mothers who
will drag you right to it

kicking & screaming,
laughing
as they

watch the flames
lick at your fingertips.

                       -WHEN YOU'RE TAUGHT TO SEE THE WORLD
                          THROUGH FIRE, NOTHING LOOKS SAFE.
Nothing makes it hard to breathe
Like being in your company
When you’ve got someone new around your arms
I thought’d I’d be over it
To see you lock with other lips
I guess I’m just no good at moving on

I always tried to
Tell myself that I’d
Fall I love with someone else
But oh my stubborn heart is set on you
And every night I
Fall asleep just so
I can see you in my dreams
And now I think you ought to know the truth



Are you listenin
I’m knocking on your heart, could you let me in
Tell me I’m the one and I’ve always been
Cause I don’t wanna wonder if we’ll ever meet again
I’m knocking on your heart, could you let me in

When you left I made you swear our love would last
No matter where
And we would call each other every night
But nights turned into weeks, turned into months
We didn’t speak
And so we lost our sense of love over time
Well..could you?
We should leave our lovers
And be with one another
Run your fingers through my hair
And hide under my covers

We should leave our lovers
We should run after each other
We can share our secrets
'Till they swallow one another

We should leave our lovers
We should, we should leave our lovers
But you'll never leave your lover, no
You'll never leave your lover

We should leave our lovers
We should leave our lovers
We should, we should leave our lovers
I need you like no other, no
I'll never find another, no

Leave me in the silence
I'll let you cut me open
Help me from the inside out
Slow motion

I feel you in my blood, baby
Bring your body closer
Love me with your sad eyes
Drain me of my color

We should leave our lovers
We should, we should leave our lovers
I need you like no other, no
I'll never find another, no

You'll never leave your lover, no
You'll never leave your lover
I need you like no other, no
I'll never find another
Ah life—
the thing
that happens
to us
while we’re off
somewhere else
blowing on
dandelions
& wishing
ourselves into
the pages of
our favorite

                           fairy tales..
10:20 a.m. 112418❤️
They threw me in and now I’m drowning in the deep end
If I’m religious, you’re the one that I believe in
You’ve been here with me to help me fight all my demons
On our way through the sky
We’re gon’ look down tonight
When we die, you and I
Two heartbreak soldiers
When you lay by my side
I see the world through your eyes
Ride or die, you and I
To live or die, what’s the price on a life?
:)
Losing Interest
You won't find no better than this
I swear girl, if you leave
Just let me know
So i won't look dumb
When you
Move on..
Reminds me of her..
remember when
you told
you wrote that
beautiful song
for me
& only me---
your
"only one''?

WELL

I'm willing
to bet
you don't
remember
that you had already
showed it to me,
saying it was
for HER.

                                    - YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF
                                       LOVE, NOT ME
I used to think
love wasn’t for me..
THAT I wasn’t worthy..

But all it took.. was one hello..

to change everything
This is me..

I am the eye of the storm and my heart

is a little broken..

But if you want me .. I'm yours
:(
Bring me back to those times when people were
truthful
When true love existed
When people don’t just come and go
The mask we are wearing now getting thicker
everyday hiding the genuine within us just so to fit
in we change
Ourselves to a complete different person please turn
back
Look at what you have done to yourself
remove that mask of yours.
6’11’18 11:56 am
Maybe.. we fall
IN LOVE..
                       with sad eyes

Because we see our souls ...

Reflected in them..
?
Back then you used to be my medicine
We used to be so innocent

Then you turned into a drug
That won't get me high enough

Feelin' sick to my stomach, and I think I know why
I can tell something's different since we lost the fire
Every word's catastrophic, every kiss seems strange
Don't you feel like something's changed?

You up into material, don't wanna be physical
And you pretend it's alright (All of a sudden)
I feel so invisible, my condition's physical
Wish you could pause and rewind
Feelin' sick to my stomach, it's like I don't know you
I can tell something's changin' that we can't undo
Every nights a disaster, every kiss feels cold
When did we lose our control?

While you changed, I've stayed the same
She realized that wanting him
meant losing herself

She realized that she couldn’t
save her own soul
because her hands were too busy

Holding the hand of someone
who no longer deserved her energy..
Woah, nobody's home, I'm all alone
Guess I'll just sit here and stare at my phone
When I'm all alone, you don't even know
How bad I'd love to be alone with you
And I could go put on a hoodie and sweats
And then take a walk to coffee, and get back into bed
But my bed and my head and the heart that you wrecked
In my chest are a mess since the second you left
And I'm lying awake and impatiently pacing
The hallways and taking the pictures from frames
And arrangements of daisies in vases you made
Are all dead and alone like I am, but I hope that
Maybe I'll forget you someday
But today is just another Monday
But I won't look back :)
Your mind is like the ocean
A constant wave of emotion
For a second it was a storm
Of hate of crashing out
Now it is a calm tide of love
Surfacing about

Beneath the tides lie countless wrecks
Like memories resting inside my head
I thought I’d forgotten placed
Them deep below but they surface
From time to time
Trying to stay afloat

My mind has a never ending
Complexity I own it yet struggle to
control it
It’s  drowning in emotion
It’s struggling to keep afloat
But for now I will bathe in the
Undisputed unknown
Chemistry is the science
of making everyone else

But us disappear

...
Oh..well ****
If today's the day I go insane
Please tell my mom and dad I'm not in pain
And tell my sister not to do the same
I can swear, I can joke
I say what's on my mind
If I drink, if I smoke
I keep up with the guys
And you see me holding up my middlefinger to the world
**** your ribbons and your pearls
'Cause I'm not just a pretty girl

I'm more than just a picture
I'm a daughter and a sister
Sometimes it's hard for me to show
That I'm more than just a rumor
Or a song on your computer
There's more to me than people know

Some days I'm broke, some days I'm rich
Some days I'm nice, some days I can be a *****
Some days I'm strong, some days I quit
I don't let it show, but I've been through some ****

I'm more than just a number
I'm a hater, I'm a lover
Sometimes it's hard for me to show
That I'm more than just a title
Or a comment going viral
There's more to me than people know
**** anyone that tries to pull me down <3
Roses are red, violets are blue
My heart is dead, I'm such a fool
Why did I fall for you?
I gave it all for you

Feelin' lost, don't know what to do
But I just got some head in the back of my coupe
Still feelin' dead when I think about you
I can't do a **** thing when I'm without you
I'ma take a trip to the past off the shrooms
Off the acid
Then I'll **** a bad *****
**** it
watching
the house
that was
my sanctuary
& my ****
go up in
flames
was
bittersweet
but mostly

just sweet
                                    -  A CONFESSION
There are nights I cry so hard that my
body aches and I shake and I have to
put my head in my pillow so no one
hears me..

There also nights I’m happy that
you’re happy and I think everything
happens for a reason..

And there also nights where I feel
nothing at all..

But there is never a night that you
don’t cross my mind ...
Yeah, it hurts, but it's true, I shouldn't care, but I do
I hide who I'm inside, like I've got something to prove
But what I've learnt is that pretending ends up bad for my health
What's the point of being if I'm not being myself?
I suppose

I love my scars
because
they have
stayed with me
longer

Than most people
have..
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