I miss being in love with you
the electricity we once had ceases to exist
you feel different now
pieces of you have been torn away
and locked in a space where I cant find them

i'm reaching out in cloud of mist that your tears have created
i'm aimlessly grasping at the old memories we shared
fighting the cool beads of moisture that sting my eyes
you put up your defenses
you made yourself distant

people say that if you truly love someone distance doesn't matter.
but when that person is emotionally absent
and has placed themselves in the hands
of those that fabricate the idea of being whole
you have no choice but to say goodbye.

I want you near me
I want you to tell me that you care
but you're so numb to emotion
that i'm just collateral damage
and you're to invested in the darkness
to see my light

Sometimes I feel like we lose ourselves in the madness of life. We hold things in and are scared of being vulnerable with one another. I feel like humanity is so desensitized to emotion. We claim to feel things but often our feelings are just fabrications of what we want to feel. I think this is why love is a concept thats foreign to me. I've said "I love you" so many times but I don't think I've ever really meant it. I'm so desensitized to the word that my heart feels grainy and saturated in false ideas.

The thing is you have cleared the fog of lies that crowded my heart. I feel electric when you're near me. That's dangerous for Me. I'm not used to feeling such intense and real emotion. I'm used to going through life on a generic understanding of feeling. Something about the way you say my name makes my stomach jump and my heart speed up. You're causing physical changes my body is reacting to you. You caused my soul to wake up and seek you out. I'm beginning to see things my quality of life is improving. I want change I want to break out of the conformity that society has placed me in. It's all because you reached out your hand and saved me from drowning in my own fabrications of love. Thank you for showing me what true love is. Thank you for showing me that love still exists.

I'm here but I'm not alive

Even when I don't want to be. I'm still here. I guess what I'm trying to say is I haven't given up completely. There are still parts of me that are whole. There are still things that I love about this earth. I'm not ready to lose it all. I am tired, but I haven't lost my hope. If I can hold onto the good my life will correct itself again.

You taught me that love is unpredictable. It's scary to think that my heart fell the second I laid my eyes on you. Love is unreasonable. One minute you're thinking about real-world problems then the next you're wondering how their hands would feel placed in yours. You go from worrying about life to wondering how their lips might taste. Love is blinding. It's unreasonable. It's challenging. I fell in love with you. I fell hard for you. I stay up late at night grasping a pillow and holding it close to my chest hoping that when I wake up you'll be there. I know this sounds obsessive but I promise I'm not being unreasonable. My heart chose you, and I've been left with the responsibility of letting you go.  It hurts. You taught me that love was fragile. It can come very quickly and fade away just as fast. It can either linger for years or fade away in months. My heart still beats for you even when yours chases another.

I kissed your palms
And offered you all my praise .
You took me in your hands
And molded my heart
You made me into art
You made me feel whole.

You planted yourself inside of me
Your roots dug into my body
You nourished yourself
From my pain.

You used me as a host
For your lonely soul.
You left when You were done feeding.
When I had nothing left to give.

You left me hollow.
The art is gone.
You replanted yourself.
You found a new host.

I'm left as a blank canvas
an unfinished meal
half of a soul
because You couldn't commit.

I am under construction
A work in progress
A human being

I'm content
I know what I want
I know who I am

I'm scared
I won't be loved
I've never been loved

I'm worried
That I look sad
That I speak too much

I'm anxious
I know they talk about me
I don't know what they say

I'm breathing
I fill my lungs
I let the air enter me

I'm busy
Overworked
Too tired to function

I'm fine
I need a hand
Someone talk to me

I'm ready to go now
This place is too much for me
I feel like My chest is being squeezed

I need to sleep
I don't want to wake up
I love not feeling

I love you
Please don't leave me
I can't handle abandonment

I feel okay
My stomach hurts
I didn't sleep last night

I'm done
I can't anymore
I'm too tired

I look homeless
No place feels like home
I am homeless

I hate you
You saved my life
You kept me safe

Thank you
Please hold me for 5 more minutes
I really don't want to be alone

He stares at me
Yet he avoids me
I wonder if he's toying with me

He hides himself from me
I think he's afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve
I want to break down the walls he built  

He tells me that I'm changing
And that he doesn't like it

He doesn't know that when he says things like that he makes my skin jump from my bones

I think I love him
But the way my body rejects him
I'm unsure

I think I want to love him
But he won't let me
so I'm stuck in a perpetual state of longing

its like when I finally move on from him
he slithers his way into my conscious
and makes himself at home
the worst part is I can't make him leave
I want him to stay because he feels like home

With him my heart dies
and my body shuts down

He says he loves me
And I go back every **** time.