I hope to find peace
in the still of the night
and the glory of false promises

I see that we hold fast to our merits
in which we find ourselves turning to say
words we often regret
that lay in a bittersweet caricature
or even perhaps a decoy
of whats true

we used to communicate
through tears
and words so heavy
that even cement
had envy in its eye
when it looked upon the flesh
of the very thing we bore
from a devilish tongue
covered in copious amounts
of stale laments
and polished with the
promises we could never keep

I often think of your eyes
and how they used to catch me
now they avoid me
and watch as I fall
to nothing

I hope to find peace
and if not now
one day
I hope
you will catch me again
so that I could slip into
eternity bound to you by a light
made of my own volition
and basked in the aura of the vision
that one day you will hold me
and say you are mine
Forever.

shall I take each breath and spin it into gold
Or will you only notice me when I'm old
your eye always catches on the fragile girl
who seeks nothing and waits her turn to speak
but I was not raised with rubies nor pearls
so why is it I who you say is weak?
for if  I would have known that love would hurt like this
I would have never given you my first kiss
I would have slammed the door in your face
then be left with my own regression
all I wanted was your embrace
I would have waited my turn to fall into succession
For love can only happen when it is mutual
and I have been far to brutal
In my attempts to catch your eye
I have burned myself down to the wire
I have been bold in my attempts to lie
that the thing I am now left with is desire
to hold and kiss you and make you see
that it was always you that was dear to me

Ive felt cold before
smooth and soft like silk on a bed of crushed roses
wrapped in blue velvet
patterned like flowers in a garden that never grows
cool to the touch
showered in tears
memories buried with it
Ive felt cold too many times
it sticks and stings like sandburs to the bottom of my feet
relentless and overbearing sounding and ringing like alarms
I want to wake but I feel trapped in a dream
I feel cold
but at least I'm feeling something
numbness takes and claims my body periodically
like an abusive lover whom I take back to lay in my bed each night
wrapping me in waves of grief and swallowing me whole
Im grasping on to anything that will help me feel
but each time I reach out I feel cold
it creeps up on me and consumes me
I've felt cold ever since I lost you

Love is underestimated
Love is complex
Love is misunderstood

Love can hurt
The pain is crushing
Love causes dizzy spells and long nights with strong cups of coffee to follow
Love causes baggy eyes and long drives
Love makes your knees weak
Love forces you to smile when you don't want to
Love makes your head hurt and your lips buzz from excitement
Love is a shapeshifter
Love mends the gaps you never knew you needed filled

when they defined love as an intense feeling of deep affection
they neglected to acknowledge
the intense feeling of dread that can come with it

Love takes root in your pain
Love lets itself grow from the moisture of your tears.
Your heart becomes tender
your feelings are magnified

Even in the absence of those
whom you shared a deep connection with
Love still lingers in you

Love strengthens the body, soul, and mind.
it can be hard to love when the pain is so prevalent
but the pain will subside

Love will take your broken pieces
Love will work its way around you
Love will envelop you
Love will close you in
and form unbreakable bonds that guide you in times of uncertainty

Love hurts
Love heals
Love guides

I remember the moment
I first fell in love with you
It was dark
A soft blue light was glowing
you hugged me and
In that moment
I felt electricity rip through my body

My tear drops stain my pillow
The stains are time capsules
They hold each moment of sadness
And all the words I couldn't say

When I'm sad I lay in my bed
I daydream of a different life
I often see a house
A small one with a fenced in yard
And a garden filled with beautiful pale pastel tulips
The house holds all my dreams
It holds everything I've ever wanted
The worst part about my daydreams is that I can't find the key to the house
But I love imagining whats in there

My tear drops stain my pillow
When I see the stains
They remind me that im a survivor
They remind me that I survived the hurtful memory those stains were tied to

The stains will eventually fade
Just like the hurt

Tomorrow always felt like it was years away as a child
I would wait in anticipation for it
I fell in love with Tomorrow
Until I started to be pushed toward Tomorrow
Tomorrow drew closer as we got older
I started to notice that Tomorrow began to creep into my head
Tomorrow became a due date
Tomorrow became one of the major things that fueled my anxiety
In my mind there was never enough time between the present and Tomorrow
Tomorrow began to tear at my sanity
Tomorrow inserted itself into the most private places of my mind
It built itself a home there
I never wanted to see Tomorrow
But when I met you
I started to anticipate Tomorrow again
Tomorrow no longer felt like a death sentence
Tomorrow became one of my biggest goals
If I could make it to Tomorrow
That meant I could make it to you
I learned that Tomorrow is never guaranteed
I no longer fear Tomorrow
I embrace it
You helped me realize that Tomorrow is not Infinite
We all will eventually run out of Tomorrows
So instead of worrying I will dream and imagine what Tomorrow will bring
Because at one point in time a Tomorrow brought me you