Cherry pits and Goodtime while I avoided your frame
Christopherson carrying us quietly... or maybe it was Paul Simon
(I forget)

And I listen to your subcutaneous single-serve salvation
while you're seeing trees for their root structure
watching the AudioArbor curl and weave
with the hue of that little toy xylophone
you two found in some box in the basement
and I feel discovered all over again

I don't know how teaching me a cleat hitch
stumbled into Kant and 21st-century relationship structure
That's a path only you could manage
flanked by a witty remark about the weather or traffic or my day
skimming the depths on nothing more than Zephyr's respiration

And now I know patience was wrong
watching concentrated ambition simply... snuffed
waiting and wisting ebb as you tip-toe to oblivion

Roadkill brightens my eyes
the impermanence of hibernation
waking restless creatures from the deep recesses of nature
still warming to sunlight and remnants of dripping icicles
weeping for winter's end
–– rain on cloudless days

Sleepy, furry faces spring up from the ground
as dormant undergrowth does the same
peering out into worlds rebirthed

and as they scurry
foraging for the first formations of food
rumbling predatory beasts roll their way down winding interstates
callously crushing any critter crawling across

and I smile
because, no matter the season, death plays its roll rotating life
but now life fights its way back into prominence
greening the trees, painting the buds, reddening the roads

do swarming insects
frighten at their tick brethren
like us to vampires?

rectifying desires of ill-perceived intentions
because what the mind thinks it wants
is deception of pleasure
candy-coated poison
helping the vitriolic hard-pills-to-swallow go down

greens transform to intermittent reds
reflective plashes amplify a glossy atmosphere
as steamy plumes smudge colors
like the tears in my eyes
flares from passing lamplight:
an inconstant reminder bright spots of life
are just as transient and the darkest portions
losing myself between spaces separating drops on the windshield

my brain reverts to cruise-control
perhaps trapped between dreary thoughts
or weary from overexertion
hate what you are; hate what's becoming
harden your heart, grow up

there's an enveloping comfort of the dark
a cool relief from
life's limelight on total depravity
with my eyes closed, I can't see any of it
with cacophonic beats, I can't hear my thoughts
an addiction to instances untouched by time

Not one foresaw such ill-timed fate
as breaking waves scattered our crew
our bodies drowned by icy sheets,
The surging tempest roared
now vision blurred by tears—defeat!
the fleet imprisoned by the storm

Torrents submerged all hope in doubt
Waves and rain mix tears with blood
a soggy lot to seal our doom
our ships to sink to ocean floors
all hope far gone as any port
stranded. lost. bring in the oars.
our happy lives have now run short
Dear Poseidon! ease the suffering!
Gather us to your murky empire!
____

Ahoy! Ahoy!
Dark cliffs reflected
illumined by the light
who spun round in his white refuge
chasing off the hopeless night!

Perhaps the cliffs of ebony grand
hold the keys to our rescue
perhaps some beach of silky sand
will allow death to eschew
dear thoughts of formerly dry land
grant us rest and life anew

But no! sheer walls of black
did not come down to meet us
Looking up out of our grave
Yearning for verdant meadows above
And serene waves of grain
And quiet showers in warm lamplight
The oily, inky, murky bluffs
sealing fate and stealing hope

A dim light held our hearts so gently
a gentle touch, an almost-embrace
care and mirth wrapped up
proffered like a cool glass of summertime lemonade
beautiful landscapes and vacation status easing tired minds
desperate friendships offering solace
and that was that

Don’t you know, young one
That you can’t have both
The odyssey of sailing a raging sea
And the tranquil rest of silent waves

Don’t you know, passionate adventurer
That a hard-fought journey — the one they sing about in songs and tales
Is only because of pain endured and loss
You can't just throw the One Ring in any volcano

Don't you know, wandering genius
that eradicating a single problem
leads to more "success" than being well rounded
The names you know did one thing and one thing only
often costing them everything else

Don't you know, people-pleaser
that anyone can tell them what they want to hear
and garner applause
****** was loved by the Germans
MLK, hated by his country
yet history does not point and say
look at that fearless leader!
The one who committed genocide and freed his people from debt!

Don't you know, Byronic Hero
that your flaws define you
but do not make you a hero
It's the actions despite your flaws
It's tales of overcoming, circumnavigating the things that inhibit you

Don't you know, reader
that the words on a screen
even though you use them to fly
do not allow you to escape forever
control your descent
learn from your flight
Don't you know that your thoughts become your actions?

Don't you know, writer
that your medium is language
and like any good painter, it's about splashing color
where color needs to be
don't water down your words by speaking every time the opportunity comes a'knockin

Time is both my vessel and constraint
my abstract concept and physics-entangled
my ship to sail,
and the currents that impede
The lovely adventures, moments that never end
the patience for journeys to come, the rest needed to recover

nanoseconds change the course of a falcons claws
a delicate balance of erratic prey and calculated talons
each heartbeat lasting lifetimes, because this –– this, is the moment
the finite rebellion of life
evolution has played its cards
Time to play mine

The mid-life crisis of a gentleman in mid-life
as man marvels at mysteries familiar
unaware of tears and laughter that await
because plans change and hopes dangle
as hopes are supposed to

My world became an unknown hue
color beyond percept
I wondered 'bout its unknown truth
and secrets that it kept

Like sun from under rolling waves,
reality was blurred
my brain, it forced emotion brave
but my emotion had not heard

My feet, they stood their ground
or maybe petrified
these colors started making sounds
stimulus amplified

I could not gain my voice to speak
If I had, it would crack
finally, I began to squeak
to give this moment some feedback

"I don't belong, why am I here?
I can't possibly know"
and then I questioned, quite sincere
"why does your body glow?"

I half-expected some answer
but color cannot hear
solely action from this dancer
it could not give me ear

My eyes were wide, my body shook
for what had I been picked?
I waited for some sort of look
suddenly something clicked

This was the beauty of the world
shapeless, soulless, timeless
I was surrounded as it whirled
It left next stanzas rhymeless

Explain beauty to me,
give it some constraints
because the brightest fireworks decimate cities
and biggest waves destroy communities
mountains divide, rivers flood
ugly paintings made with sweat and blood
heartfelt songs become catchphrases
or sound worse than algorithmic, catch-all choruses
This all is bottled up
'caus beauty can't be stopped
place it all in some Merlo
and allow the sea to take it where it may
probably to some garbage patch
with all of the other sea-turtle killers

the lack of hands raised
to experiencing kisses in the pouring rain
reminds me that Netflix separates the real and ideal
but they've gotta be emulating someone's love story
turns out it's mine

no amount of rice will revive my short-circuited phone
too much electricity between us, the volts must've blown the wires to pieces

Kisses are better watered down
chills from a torrential downpour mean nothing
when the arms of another wrap tight
emotions like lightning lighting the dull canvas of a 2am wood
Our minds knew heavy rains were coming
Our hearts knew the water would seep into our memories
your presence gluing me to the moment
the hammock our tortilla
myself and her the contents of a delicious burrito

Trees always have to go out with a bang, don't they
explosions of bursting color
freeze-framed fireworks of fall
bursting and cascading,
leaving ashes and hot coals to cool in soft grass

...I used bursting twice, didn't I?
alright, let me go open up my thesaurus...
blast? pop? rupture?
just replace it with one of those and call it good.
Back to the poem:

my popped-collar peacoat straightens my back
gotta match my posture to the pompous portrait
black wool on an over-scratched scratch paper
might as well just pick it all off
allow the color some room to expand
(I don't even own a peacoat, I just like the metaphor and imagery)

you could set the sentinel alight for the same effect
a more smokey atmosphere, sure,
but the color would be a little brighter
and I'd have the mushroom of smoke to match my coat

I've substituted my earbuds with the crunch crunch crunch
of leaves
crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch ––––
shoot that one looked good but it just flattened
crunch crunch crunch
invariable sound
back to my Beats by Dr. Dre

The arrow of geese points south
...
that's really all I have to say about that
some sort of metaphor about flapping my arms and following them?
I like jacket weather though
better stay grounded
hands in pockets; arms in long sleeves

insert some connection to death to match nature's descent into winter

Gosh, this season is too good to stand for something so sad
let's go jump off the roof into a pile of leaves
drink hot soup and get cuffed
watch steam and frost paint picturesque mornings
read in a dogpile of blankets
Winter may be coming
but so is spring ya goof
get off your melancholic horsey

I catch echoes from a forgotten muse
the gentle whisper from a world left behind
A memory of a man whose shoulders became platforms
whose fusion of mischief and wisdom became my model
whose actions defined the word "legacy" for me
but it's only a muttering
and like any good sandcastle, time and tides has returned it to dust

Wit and charm are no defense against the freak accidents of life
unconditional joy can't wake you up from a coma
When a giant falls, the ground shakes
Those nearby cannot help but stand with mouths agape
Bridges intertwining souls
Are washed out by an end to life
To forget him would be to forget myself

As a disheveled Warren Harding once said:
“Because we’re insane!
There can’t be any other reason.”

Definitely to escape the cutthroat competition the contemporary circuit of born-for-the-role contenders creates on the court (or field, or stadium) –– ‘cause I can’t keep up

Definitely was seduced
By the ideas of hanging from cliffs with only tips
By the infinite approach, but ever distant mastery
By the hipster-esque go-with-the-flow-as-long-as-it’s-against-the-current lifestyle

Like a good song
The joy of the end
     is the memory of the journey
Every movement, every stressed cord
The notes together form something unique
       A landscape that only complete concentration can uncover
Also some of them are not as good
       Which gives you a standard for excellence

Or maybe the endorphin high just makes me think these things
Maybe it’s slowly driving me insane

Evicting ideas must be done in earnest
For the vultures of radio-static thought will feast on anything
So purge! Purge your consciousness!
The tempest nears! brace yourselves
or be thrown into a sea of cognitive confusion!

vacuum up those pesky anxious fears
the dust-mites of uncertainty, crumbs of confusion
but never, ever open up that "Pandora's box" of a vacuum bag
the dust gets everywhere
–– I'm allergic

shove them in a bulletproof aquarium
maybe fog up the glass a little
obfuscating them behind a breath or two
they'll slither around in there
you can just make out their silhouettes if you tap the glass
careful
it makes them angry
trapped within their own misfortune

With or without them, time ticks to a new era
our darkness shall not cover laughter. hope.
overlap? possibly
like a kaleidoscope
simply deconstructing beautiful into a tsunami of color
making monotonous moments unique

a peculiar blend of all this world has to offer

You were a time change
four-four transformed to three-four
hard rock to soft waltz

It's in the 100's
humid
I still get chills
pipe-dreaming on an astral plane
your existence both my anchor and clouds
my horizontal body same as yours
simply in different spaces

Is my perception of you
the one thing keeping me grounded
or the one thing keeping me from finding solace
do I hope too much?
think too much?
idealize you too much?
I better bleach those deceptive thoughts
before they soak through and stain
like these sheets
I'm sweating

I blame my insomnia on the heat
on the 4:00 p.m. coffee, the late-night snack, the sedentary day
anything but my racing thoughts
gotta keep that engine purring
the emptiness of silence more frightening than brooding distress

the earbud cacophony keeps my company
speeding past whatever else was percolating
(thoughts have a hard time running straight)
I fear the silence of a lonely bedroom
submerged in cotton ball of darkness
a pillow over my head to filter the smog of bad ideas
it doesn't help
I feel ****
unprotected and ashamed
brought to my knees by a lack of serotonin

my only fear:
the thoughts of those who think they loved me
and the regret that will make them think they loved me more
as if a hushed word or "thank you" coulda made everything alright
by setting a candle in the smog alight

it's the caffeine making dark crescents undereye
not some divine enlightenment
(there might be a dash of soul-searching though)
low, glazed limbs are frozen still

a frosted flurry of flakes falls
relieving my concentration
returning me to the road
to the pale glow of white snow
silhouetting the bare oak grove
hefty adumbrations emerging
charcoal on unblemished canvas

"Harden your heart, grow up"
"Harden your heart, grow up"
I repeat over and over
click
I get a different result
Real insanity would be conversing to myself, not chanting: pshaw!

My insides now cold as ice
open windows, abrasive breeze

I don't have a seat warmer

don't need one when everything's the same temp
I've hardened my heart, my groovy slouch recedes
jaw set and stiffened
Sufjan and Novo Amor siphoning my hope
tears become stalactites

"I have loved you for the last time"
pulling me back into colorless pensiveness
matching the steadfast sentinels blurring by

I want to live like Starfish
simply giving my right arm
and noticing after I make the sand-angel
yet still resembling a furious nuclear planet 93,000,000 miles away
to forget a piece of myself and live as if it was always lost

to stick up my nose at lost extremities
'cause that's gotta hurt worse than heartbreak
bleeding nothing but the air I breath
like the currents and jetsam and shores
I am but a system of the sea

I wish to chase the tide
to make my worries be of the moment
letting seawater be my blood
ebbing and reviving as the brine tickles my insides
every roll of wave my heartbeat

yet blustery winds blow; rattling the depths with tempestuous intent
finding hidden fury concealed underneath my cracking skeleton
maybe these things are stored in a lost limb
and can satisfy some gull roosting in the cliffside above
eating my feelings for me

I wish my potential
were undiscovered depths
where seaweed grows like ivy across shipwrecks
turning former "value" into a house for the stars
maybe a couple with only four legs

past Rock City we carry the fire!
to the ring; where Führer fights a frail foe!
to conceal what burns at 4 5 1–dire
Big Brother won't notice our hearts aglow
"Understanding: allow their point of view
walk around in their skin; folks are just folks"
Watch the merry-go-round go 'round a few
"More Weight," says Giles, but a witch? deadly hoax
The One Ring finally reaches Mordor
Kings are justly crowned, Bingley marries Jane
The Old Man caught the fish, or so he swore
but Dad, Liesel, Allie, Winston are slain
journeys are sacrificial, lives immured
Cheers to pilgrimage we haven't endured

Your origami snapper came along
tucked into my wallet
things like that don't travel well
but I managed
they suffered a lesion to the spine
snappers are apparently weak there
maybe we can work on growing a backbone together

handmade gifts mean the most
less, when it was made in whimsy and flimsy
more, because it gave me false hope
maybe it's a sign
like a uke-playing octopus
maybe friendship is all I need right now
your origami snapper is a great listener

It sits on my desk
Either mocking or pondering, I can’t tell
Snappers are hard to read that way
Maybe if we showed more emotion you’d
           notice

but action requires reaction
and somehow the origami rose I made forgot it’s origami thorns
But there could be blood on my hands
From a beautiful friendship I so recklessly slaughter
pulling up roots like weeds
adding wistful thinking to inimitable memories

I saw a man at the park today
Boldly creak out of his pickup
Eyes so set and determined they shone
          Through transitional lenses
darkened by the fire in his eyes
He must've had a hip replaced
Because I couldn't tell which side the cane was
         On and which one was the wooden leg he
          walked on
Each step more of a leap forward
Ending in a few inch shuffle
Maybe he's a vet
Mind racing fast
Between the comrades lost and
a lover on her deathbed

He sits
Breathing in the world around him
Not missing a ripple on the lake or a single gull's call
Just alive
No more, no less

Then, as quickly and silently as he arrives, the man creaks upright, rubs the pain out of his hip
And walks back

A king’s funeral, no trumpets no band
Is now arranged by a snake’s cruel command
Who stole the throne-room where he used to stand
And marries your mom with his ****** hands

The uncle who put your father inna grave
Ignores approach of the Norwegian knave
His passion for power, it’s all he craves
Not even an ounce of goodness he saves

I get why you’re mad and why the man, who
Took away your dad, and the life once had
The villain, the cad, deserves nothing more
than poison you add with just a small pour

You have hidden your feelings in plain sight
Screaming and ranting, you look for a fight
Polonius, curtain, Oh! I am slain!
Is it the king? No, P. dies in vain

‘cause they are all playing their crude games, right
Trying to play you like musician’s pipes
While the floutists break their stereotype
Their life of fiction, removing the blight

I get why you’re mad and why the man, who
Took away your dad, and the life once had
The villain, the cad, deserves nothing more
than poison you add with just a small pour

But it’s all in vain
You die just the same

You were going to **** him while he prayed
But fear of death your humanity swayed
conscience struck and your cowardice stayed
Lost all action, decided not to slay

Your goodness beat out the pain he did cause
you snatched your righteousness from evil’s jaws
Grace had beaten out the justice of laws
Fie! Claud sends you to England just ‘cause

Look, I get why you’re mad, but come on man
Life is too short, you should not end the span
You human, you gad, to your dad you swore
Either end him now or mercy, implore

But it’s all in vain
You die just the same

What happened while in the graveyard that night?
Chap-fallen Yorick? The digger’s delight?
Ophelia, Her corpse drownéd, snow white?
“To Be” you chose, but King Claud you (still) spite

I get why you’re mad and why the man, who
Took away your dad, and the life once had
The villain, the cad, deserves nothing more
than poison you add with just a small pour

Look, I get why you’re mad, but come on man
Life is too short, come up with a (good) plan
You human, you gad, to your dad you swore
Either end him now or mercy, implore

But it’s all in vain
You died just the same

Should the earth be but a quiet manor
A palace in forgotten elder oak
Where what used to fly, a threadbare banner
and all-conquering poison ivy chokes
Well, we'd explore every nook and cranny
leave no dusty, unread book on the shelf
our nose for secrets would be uncanny
until we know it better than ourself
No immovable stone will be unturned
No forgotten corridor will be unwalked
until all its riddles we will have learned
and every bolted door has been unlocked
for we discover what the world conceals
and go until the last secret, we steal

I have eyes of hazel
a mosaic of greens and browns
olives, avocados, old bananas, oaks
seafoam and swirling driftwood
they've got the life of a tree
        ––– the strength of a cedar!
there's not a trace of rage...
red, I meant a trace of red

Sometimes they shift
with the lighting or my outfit
or the situation and my comfort level
'cause I'm pretty good at hiding pain
behind humor and kindness like Robin
or simply a stoic gaze and an "oh, I just have an RBF"

There's no electric blue
of piercing, unquenchable energy
of lighthearted laughter and joy
Just verdant meadows and rich chocolate
steadfast and authentic

Silence is a strange noise
Trees applaud my solitude, boisterously ruining the moment
Or maybe it's the distant insects and frogs that break the silence
I can't seem to find them, constantly at the very edge of my
      perception
There's a plop to my right on the bank
(or maybe it was a sploosh... too noisy to tell)
but other than that the river is keeping its mouth shut
That same cool breeze riling up the wood whispers in my ear:
nature's static; she says everything and nothing

I wonder long and hard about their thoughts,
their hopes and aspirations and fears
and whatever else may occupy the silent minds of my companions
are their thoughts as loud as mine?
Does that little voice ever ******* shut up?

Ya gave this old cynic hope
real. authentic hope that
courses through your veins
patiently pulsing a potent potion of purpose
perplexing passers-by repeatedly

'cause the heart finally matched my mask
my smirk splitting stygian skies so starlessness simply seemed inconsequential
'cause there was a light a the end of the tunnel
roaming blackness became romantic ambience
inside darkness finally reaching a shred of light, deafening death's call
budding blossoms began bringing ambition back to the barren soul in me

And then you took it all away.

As quickly as it came, you were gone.
and I pretended to be strong,
to not care, and to understand
because it happens; sometimes you just lose feelings for someone

And yet, I can't justify the radio-silence
the horror movie-esqe once there, once gone of your voice
telling me we were fine, and that I was fine
a single hand bringing boatloads of bootlegged peace
yet it was all just hormonal infatuated affection
affecting affably and offering alliance when I needed it most

So no thanks for the stab in the back
I'm doing fine, thanks for pretending to care
(as the boiling bathtub of blood blemishes floorboards below)

Man, man doesn't meet me where I'm at
I'm an ugly duckling
but definitely not a swan

I look around at all the bluffing faces
and I don't even trust the one in the mirror
His gait straight, his words soothing
his posture inviting, his smile inspiring
yet the eyes
both deep with pain and erratic with fear
both exhausted and terrified of the next step
yet the powerful play goes on
and every experience wears and ter's
every meeting just another person added to the lists of:

I'm not like them
I don't fit in
They're nice, but...
I just wish someone got me






I'm alone

Soft cool sand beneath my feet to ease
and the sun setting, fire to the sky
the whisper of an insensible breeze
weakly gasping a final goodbye

And yet, the splutter and cough of motors
The clanging chorus of corroded swings
trampled sand and left drink holders
As uninvited company sings

And am I the only one
Who sees that I am one of a score
A beauty decimated and overdone
the all-natural, turned urban horror

The Moaning of gale-speed winds
sends mountain snow to it's knees
while formidable boulders stand their ground
The lake, foaming and writhing
      The erosion opponent scraping for revenge
krummholz and scrub bend
but hold fast
hands rooted in the soil

my coat billows
my ears whistle
Me; surrounded by the power of a giant sneeze
forcing tears from my eyes
joy or fear, I know not.

A downfall on the horizon
Flashes of lightning warning distant travelers
Flying Foxes fighting to find food before the storm
             that most certainly leads to famine

Two lonely souls find each other in a forgotten world:

One on two, looks up, and gazes with fear
fear that soon, all of this will be washed away
by drenching rains and thumping boots and stereos

The other on four
instinctively curious about this forgotten traveler
knowing that they will face this storm together

Though species separates them
the look in their eyes is interchangeable
Fearing what the future brings
The unavoidable downfall
that will confront them both

But for now, we stop and stare
take in the fresh air
and breath
Lest we forget there's always
lest we forget there's always peace

A final breath, before impending doom

I drape the heavy robe over my body
pulling my hood to keep the attire dark and brooding
      but also curiously alluring
the poison oozing from my mouth just visible underneath
my eyes masterfully manipulated into "wisdom" and "care"
my arms outstretched
so that each embrace ends with a knife in the victims back
My body, once beautiful
corrupted by lust and infatuation
a shell of my former self

Sincerely,
Love

somehow the smile squirms onto my face
simply squealing my satisfaction to the standers-by
silently shielding citizens from the sorrow stuck to my skeleton
scarcely saving sidekicks from similar sadness
In some way stopping the shameless self-destruction
sequestered under the smirk

down deep darkness develops
devouring doubtful delight that daily diseases my dour identity
Done. I Declare. Indefinitely Done
death a door to destroy my desperate dismay
despite, the demon endures to deride
deeming my demise de rigueur

a feint fulfilling my fate
finally finishing the fallacy,
from which life flooded
finally finishing the fallacy,
flicking freedom from the frame
Stopping Death From Stalking Despondent Folks

She was shielded by the thin layer of chalk
That hid all emotion on our infrequent walks
Her lips quiet, her eyes attentive
A break in the silence only missing incentive

My mind went blank, her beauty shone
My nervousness rattled me to the bone
I asked her "Prom?" my eyes were pleading
Scrounging for hope on the face I was reading

She sighed so big, and smiled bigger
I thought I had attracted this quiet singer
She said "I'm flattered" and "Thanks so much"
But it only hid the sucker punch

Her "no thanks" rung in my ears
Breaking my heart -- and bringing the tears
My one try at love, a **** good attempt
ended in failure, and therefore, I wept

Death has played my ally
and loneliness my friend
depression my one constant
-- a torture with no end
perhaps it's just a phase
that I will one day mend
for now death is my one ally
and loneliness my friend

Death has played my ally
and loneliness my friend
once a trait I stood by
turns to no more than a bend
in a road that lead to nowhere
or so the screamers say
Yet it's the only trail that's fair
so I travel on my way

Death has played my ally
and loneliness my friend
yet it's all one big ailed-lie
that has ailed my life to rend

Forced Laughs
Bad Breaks
And one terrible act
is all it takes

Next you know
thrown tomatoes
are the worst of your problems

And yet the show must go on!
It always "goes on"
each character
only moving to fulfill some primal need
hoping that the others don't notice
the trembling hands
the sunken eyes
and the unquenchable thirst

but your verse is coming up
same as all the others before it
so that it fits in
oh, how you must fit in
just another verse
in the midst of a chorus

A girl down the street took herself from us yesterday
thinking the next world would be better than this one
And I thought to myself
We don't need any help
we can destroy US without anyone else lifting a finger

I think about
how the world would be different if she were here
maybe she would've saved the life of another
or saved the lives of many
all with a single poem on an obscure site

But the world's too cruel for that
containing us all in its vicious cycle
Even the best dealt hands mean nothing on such a planet
It's up to us -- we create light in the darkness with every beat of our dimly
                      lit hearts

I'm not the guy with the cool hair and style
I'm not the guy with unmatched strength

I'm not the guy with Einstein's brain
nor the one that stole his voice from an angel

Sometimes life doesn't work that way

when I was younger, I always thought I'd be someone special
I'd find the cure for cancer, or bring peace to this broken world
I'd save someone's life as a hero, or bring evil to its knees
Maybe write the words to a NY Times Bestseller,
or make that giant leap for mankind

But Sometimes life doesn't work that way

The more this world impresses it's death-grip over my life,
the better I understand why it is the way it is
I'm not special, I've come to terms with that
I'll be the same as everyone around me
Completing no more than the guy in the next cubicle

But Sometimes life doesn't work that way

What if my normalcy, is why God's light shines so brightly
My blankness, becoming a reflection of His Kingdom
It's not about my fame and glory
but, like a star, creating beauty in unity

I wanted to leave a legacy
I wanted my name to be talked about
on street corners
between random strangers
in whispers of admiration

Instead of carpe diem
My life became a cycle
stack, sign, stamp, and pass
Each minute invested
to save for some moment ahead
when I could relax in the Southern-California sun

But that moment never came
I missed my chance
Just like that missed heartbeat
and then another
and another
I had saved and saved and saved
only to never see the fruit of my labor
only to have my wealth
be nothing more than piles of paper
stacked, signed, stamped and passed on

Oh! The deeds I’ve never done!
the woman I never married!
the places I’ve never gone!
Why did I waste such valuable time
to save for the day that never came!

So I say to you, young workaholic,
Never live a day through
without doing something
that will be remembered

Stress is Noise


Silence
the sun finally creeps into my room long abandoned
spilling light on organized chaos
a bed, haphazardly made
a desk - blanketed in overused office supplies and crumpled ideas
cold coffee saturating the air with its once savory aroma
a room, the perfect picture of absolute tranquility
still the only time spent here is to prepare for the next moment

We work.
and that includes more than the hours clocked in at a man’s vocation;
the time traded away for money we spend on skin-deep tchotchkes
that only last until they collect dust or become it
the whirr of machines, pounding of hammers, and gossip from the break room across the hall
all adding to the cacophony already pummeling our ears

There’s the time we spend at home,
grinding out tomorrow’s report
or having a fleeting moment of rest corrupted when we catch up with old friends
or read a book we’ve been dying to finish
or beat that last level on the newest video game
or fret about the meeting you dread
like a sunburn from head to toe
the pain doesn’t go away by tanning yourself
we work to solve the symptoms, but only progress the disease
muffling the hopeful silence with white noise

There’s team you’ve committed to
where practices are every day making you run faster, jump higher, create chemistry, score goals, play in pressure, and force expectations you can’t possibly meet.
which could be relieving that pent up stress - or maybe just siphoning gas from the already
empty tank
winning games has become more important than the teamwork sports inspire
Cheering and encouragement only adding to the babbel surrounding us

And now there’s media
like a leech it ***** any time we have left
twitter, facebook, insta, snapchat, pinterest, tumblr, youtube, buzzfeed, CNN, BBC, MSN, F-o-x,  NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, NCAA - *** we haven’t even talked about cell phones
We’re surrounded by sound that not even a black hole could drown out
And yet we still somehow wonder why stress and depression are through the roof

Where are the thinkers and dreamers?
The ones that don’t skirt sideways at oppression
Or flee at the face of failure
I’ll tell ya, they’re pleasantly passing papers
and monotonously beating deadlines
and staying in their lane
and building castles so large it takes days to walk every corridor
What happened to those,
who don’t worry about the size of their paycheck
or getting in the expensive neighborhoods where
every car costs enough to buy Washington
and our futures are more stable than ever
• Because in reality your future is an edge of a knife
that will sever through hard work
like the superficial paper success builds its skyscrapers out of

I wonder, what would happen if we turned all that yelling — all that white noise — into silence
…..
…..
…..
It’s weird, isn’t it
…
…
…
Can you for once hear the clock ticking?
…
…
When’s the last time the only sound you heard was your breathing
We’ve gotten so caught up in living that we’ve forgotten how to live
We’ve forgotten about the rest
that makes the next chord much more powerful

Nowadays rest in peace comes once in a lifetime
and the work we do means no more than that slip of paper you get at the end of the month
when did we stop learning for the sake of ourselves
and stop working to better the world
and stop playing sports solely for their enjoyment
and stop taking time just hear the beauty of silence
stop learning for grades
stop working for things
stop chasing the wind
stop and smell the roses
stop

Why do I envy him?
You and I are nothing
I am nothing
I will be nothing for you
So that you can be my everything

And yet
I'm reminded that my reserve
My inhibition because of you
is also the reason I'm not with you

Why would I step forward
when it only ends in failure
Why would I jump
Only to be crushed

Sometimes a teacher asks
What did you learn this year?
Well funny for me I actually have an answer:

I learned that the world is a terrible, terrible, terrible place
I learned that humanity is cruel and unforgiving
I learned that people are selfish, and only do what's best for themselves
I learned that this world *****

I understand now why somebody may say
my innocence has been taken
I've forgotten about the beauty in humanity
when all I see is homicide and suicide
and the inevitable evil that courses through our veins

Is there pain worse
than knowing out there
there is someone better for you
than me

Is it not fair
For me to feel?

For if one has love for me,
but I for another
Can I not hope?
am I not the same as them?

When do my dreams
trump those of another

Are you ever remembered?
When the crowds pass by
when you swim upstream
while the rest can fly

They get all the credit
and even the girls
as we sit in the back,
to watch as drama unfurls

Always recognized, never remembered
Is there ever a time that the first will surrender?