Euphoria

Euphoria Dec 2018

Will you still love me in the morning?
When you see all my scars
Inflicted by others and of me.

Will you still love me in the morning?
When you've heard of my demons
Loathing me for all the sins I've done.

Will you still love me in the morning?
When you learn about who I was
And the person I will never become.

Will you still love me in the morning?
When all I have become
Is hate and misery.

Will you still love me in the morning?
When I'm in cold sweat, frightened, and crying
From the nightmare of what was.

Will you still love me in the morning?
When you see my hand shaking, and as if I cannot breathe
Because of my anxiety attacks that I seem to hide so well.

Will you still love me in the morning?
When all has been said and done
And you've discovered the person behind the facade.

Will you still love me in the morning?
Or maybe the question should be,
Did you ever love me?

Euphoria Jun 2018

This Is What Anxiety Looks Like

There's a lot who asked
The girl who's masked
What does anxiety look like?
Its hard but let me try to tell you what anxiety looks like
It's the smiles she fakes and the laughters she makes
They sound so loud, her attempt to drown out the crowd
It's the way she walks with her arms around her
It's her telling herself to get it together
It's her eyes full of tears
When all she can hear is her fears
It's her flicking that rubber band around her wrist
Her attempt to bring herself back to reality that seem to twist
It's her dropping things with her shaky hands
It's her funny way of talking that no one understands
It's her biting her lip til it bleeds
When she's thinking about what she really needs
It's her spacing out and her blank stare
It's all the rest she didn't take and wouldn't dare
It's her hesitation to make that call
it's her doubting herself if she's given her all
It's her needing affirmation
Asking you to give her some kind of validation
It's her in the bathroom one, too many times
Rethinking everything like all she's done are crimes
It's her pacing back and forth
It's her seemingly funny retort
This is what anxiety looks like
And I can't even begin to explain what it feels like

Euphoria May 2018

An Acrostic

Just between what we thought we were
Or another dream that seem so far
Shattered pieces of the memories we've shared
Haunted my heart and made my mind scared
Under the same sky, I'm left to wonder
About what went wrong and how my heart grew fonder

I was reminded of what it felt like after reading this piece a year after. I wrote this after a painting dedicated to the one who broke my heart the most but am still thankful for being under the same sky.

May 2018

Sarah

some.

some people you can’t say no to
they beg to see the parts of you
the parts that you had hidden away
and you give in
show them you are not who they thought
and then they are gone
because
all the people you can’t say no to
know how say goodbye so much faster

#secrets #trust #people #friendship #love #goodbye

Euphoria May 2018

Unchained

I can barely remember the first time we met
I can barely remember the sound of your voice
I can barely remember the feeling of you warmth against mine
I can barely remember the last time we genuinely laughed together

I can't remember the exact moment I fell in love
I can't remember when I started holding my breath with the sight of you
I can't remember when the butterflies started flying around in my stomach
I can't remember when I started seeing you in a different light

But I can remember how your voice sounded when you shunned me away
I can remember the feeling of my heart crashing, breaking
I can remember the taste of my tears, bitter in my mouth as I choke in the words "Please don't leave"
I can remember the sight of you walking away.
I can remember every painful night after that
I can remember every poem, every song, I had written
With the hope that it will let my love run dry.
I can remember the agony of mornings I had to endure
I can remember how the clouds won't seem to go away

I cannot remember how or when
But the day came where I was set free
From all the hurt and pain you've caused
From all the memories that made me nothing but lost
I am free from the love that seemed to have bound me
It felt like forever but finally, I'm unchained and am now free.

Euphoria May 2018

Not Mine To Have

I hold my breath as your hands run through my hair
The thought inside my head, "Oh god, this isn't fair."
The way you gently pat on my head
Makes me want take back what I said.
When you handed the keys and held my hand,
God knows it's all I want but I have to take a stand.
For you are not mine to hold nor to keep,
You are not the one who'll be there when I fall asleep.
You are not the man whom I can love
For you're already someone's and not for mine to have.