is it hard to live another year
whilst all the other years behind you remain in a silent place and hold
peaceful pain
a place you yearn to be
the past is not just figurative and
i have forgotten this
time
and time again
that the clothes i wore yesterday must be washed
soon they will decompose
and only i find hypocrisy when i think of this
because not only is the past real
we are living in it still
take off these clothes from yesterday while you are in it
wash them
throw them in the basin and scrub them and wear them again
they are not going anywhere
lest you reject them for the blood and tears they boast
you will be left naked, and without warmth

busy days i try
to fit in
realistic thoughts

but every goal
is outlandish
and out of reach

i cant reach out my hand
far enough
to reach the fruit hanging from branches

not unless i
first have
a ladder

and assuredly
my confirmation, a wise
man once said

take things a day at a
time dream
small you begin with nothing

do you know how the crickets coordinate their song
they dont
they pursue their purpose
and they become a chorus together

lonely nights i sit and stare at the blackness
i pine for the nostalgia to bring me pleasure
in exchange for pain
smoke curls down my throat
and then creeps up into my brain where it clings
its soft and its safe
a realm that i can make my own
finally
time is mine and so are my feelings
for once

i cant seem to shake this feeling
that the walls breathe
and at night i pray the paranoia gone
but the hallway does not seem
as empty as it appears

im not quite sure how the universe works
i get my bits and pieces
from books, and other theories
but i can never grasp how vast
is that void
and i as a human
will fill that void
with flowers
daisies, roses, chrysanthemums
all types of flowers

its almost that time
again
packing up my bags and changing the pace that life has
naturally chosen just
for me
i do not move with the wind
instead i create it
and hope that another soul
will someday
feel it