perhaps it’s a gift
to lose everything at times
and then start anew

I tried to protect
the last small piece of me
but now nothing is left

I know not to smoke
But if you could see my thoughts
You’d medicate too

Warm chocolate chips in
Soft, rich, salty-sweet cookies
Perfection exists

Blanket burrito
Anything seems possible
When the day is new

It's easy to select when you write a Fet profile
But a little more involved to explain
I live it 24/7 means that I can't escape
I live it 24/7 means it's a part of me
And I can't run from the things that hurt or give release

I don't do scenes
I don't have "play" partners
I don't seek out pain
I don't start unhealthy relationships
I don't even want to feel the ways I feel

But when you hurt me, I feel it
When you reject me, I feel it
When you accuse me, I feel it
When you mock me, I feel it
When you hate me, I feel it

I can hate your power over me
I can hate your abuse
I can hate your derision
I can hate myself
But I can't stop the delicious feeling of abject misery

I feel it again
the growing pain
of inadequacy
of being hollowed out
from the core
to be filled
with longing

I fought attachment
knowing the risk
But your beauty
Was too powerful
I loved you
despite myself

I bleed out
unseen