I miss you. But you are not here. I cannot talk to you, I don't trust myself. I wish you would look at this. I wish you'd read these stupid poems about you, and understand what this hell is like for me. Because I don't think you do understand. And I have a feeling you have moved on to whoever or whatever, but I haven't. Mother washed that white jacket that smelled like you, the last thing that did. When I breathed it in I cried, because it didn't smell like I was walking into your house. I miss you. I miss being intimate with you. I miss that look in your eyes, that tentative intensity. I just want to look at you and see it one last time. Kiss your lips one last time.

I have a right to be unhappy.
I'm not complaining
Or being rude.
I'm just upset.
Maybe I shouldn't even be upset.
Maybe I'm being too ungrateful
Because my sixteenth birthday
Is a ******* joke.
Happy sweet sixteen, Lindsey.
Oh, by the way,
All that stuff I promised?
Yeah, it's not happening.
Hope you don't mind I told you
Two days in advance.

Whatever.

I light a candle
But he lights a blunt
Five bowls in a row
Breathe in breathe out
this is what relaxing is about

Kiss the smoke off his lungs
As his tongue rolls
Down your neck and collarbone
Breathe in breathe out
This is what a "fun time" is about

So let's get drunk
Off each others laughter
And kiss by the light of the moon
Let's roll in a meadow
And I'll even let you
**** a spider for me cause I'm scared
You'll pull out a couple of beers
And open them
Wink at me and take a big drink
I'll giggle at your silliness
Because a beer doesn't do anything
But it'll stay "our little secret"
Cause my parents wouldn't approve
And at the end of the night
We will have those three little words
Hanging at the tips of our lips
I
love
you.

Sweet and sticky
Soft and cinnamon
Yes yes
**** another cute ******
Wake up to a cinnamon roll.
Yes yes
Bitter and slick
Hard and sugary
Yes yes
**** another hot guy
Wake him up with your cinnamon roll.
Yes yes

And you cry
And cry
And lay there
After
Suddenly you feel nauseated
And sick
You want to run to the bathroom
And heave and heave
But you realize you only feel this way
Because you miss her.

While she is off driving
To god knows where
I am at home crying
Wishing I could be there.