Someone knows when your day has been filled
with memories too painful to keep;
Someone wanders through your dreams at night
  sweeping away sad thoughts while you sleep

Someone knows when you have awakened
  to find dark clouds hanging above you;
Someone knows of your deep loneliness,
  and waits in the shadows to love you

Someone knows of the crosses you bear,
  and the hills that you climb are so steep;
Someone's arms are outstretched lest you fall
  as through each trial and error you leap

Someone knows there are quiet meadows
  where peace and tranquility abound,
Someone will hold your hand while you search,
  and walk with you till that path is found

Someone knows an ember faintly glows
  in your heart where love used to abide;
Someone wants to fan that sleeping flame
  and awaken love too long denied

Someone knows Heaven exists on Earth --
  a place free of loneliness and woes;
Someone wants to take you to that realm,
  loving you till your heart overflows

Someone knows that these dreams are in vain,
   for sadly you're unable to see
That the flame of love burns bright for you
In someone's heart . . . and that someone is me!

The time had come to shed this loathsome cloak
Of life's failures, defeats and decay;
I knew, without further contemplation,
I had to give the wretched thing away

How appealing the oyster's existence --
Safely sheltered in its little shell;
And when life sends its messengers of doom,
He can just tell them to go to hell

You may think me crazy, but that's okay,  
I had to retreat behind these doors;  
If I had not created my own world,  
Long ago I would have died in yours

Don't sing idle love songs into the wind --
A distraught heart might be lurking near;
How awkward when you attempt to rescind
Loving words they were not meant to hear

Tread lightly lest you awaken the beast
That's held captive in some desperate heart,
When from its ******* Hope has been released,
It becomes fair game for Cupid's dart

Those crumbs of Love you've capriciously tossed
Might be hungrily devoured in haste;
Once that bridge to Paradise has been crossed,
O, what pain when steps must be retraced

Exercise due caution when you declare
Unwavering love to a forlorn heart;
Deceitful words, though delivered with flair,
Carry the sting of a poisoned dart

Words of love are the messengers of hope
That allow earthbound hearts to take flight;
But lies and deceit weave the fatal rope
That binds lonely hearts to their sad plight

I provide calm after you rile the storm,
You stir the hornets, while I fight the swarm

You curse the darkness - I kindle the flame,
And should you stumble,  you say I'm to blame

A song sung by two must have harmony,                                                  
But you think my songs are always off-key;

Try as I may to meet your every need,
No feast I prepare can appease your greed

How can we survive rough seas and fierce gales
In a boat with split masts and tattered sails?

Well, change is coming, and I'll not pretend
That I'm sad to see this fiasco end

And I see glory in the coming days --
A new horizon is flaunting  its rays;

This game is over,  I'll not be the pawn.
You are insufferable  . . .  and I am gone!

My pen hovers over a blank page
As red ink drips from my wounded heart;
When bitter thoughts flow like Spring's melting snow,
A dark narrative soon fills the chart

O, please forgive the gray clouds that ensue,
But in my world sunny skies are rare;
And many a night I ponder my plight --
But no comforting words stir the air

When love's anguish cannot be constrained,
Then the heart must transcribe its lament;
Sad thoughts find release, bringing a strange peace
That's absent when heartache is pent

A bit of salt may blanket my words ---
Not of the sea and its restless tide
That comes and goes, free of all cares and woes --
But from tears these weary eyes have cried

How much must a heart invest in love
Before it receives a dividend?
Though it pays the toll, it can't reach its goal . . .
Too often, the signpost reads "Dead End"

I pray the Court of Love intervenes,
And this cruel decree be overturned!
Might there be one flower in this sunset hour
Yet to blossom  . . .  or has court adjourned?

Pretend loving words are seeds in your hand ---
Toss them to the wind and let them fly!
The receptive heart whereupon they land
Will bid them take root and multiply

Like restless birds, words of love seek their nests
Where they will be sheltered and sustained,
And the lonely heart will welcome such guests,
Giving thanks for what Fate has ordained

Loving words will shine with a radiant glow
Through the darkest nights of loneliness;
And when Love's sweet nectar begins to flow,
Such delight angels could only guess!

Like burning incense your words will ascend,
Rising to the altar of the heart;
What shattered dreams and broken lives they'll mend,
What soothing balm they're sure to impart

For loving words have been known to restore
Calmness to life's tempestuous sea;
They can dispel loneliness from our door
And nullify misery's decree

Loving words, what delights they possess ---
Like the fruits of Eden long ago!
And so to sweeten life's cruel bitterness,
No grander gift could you bestow

The valleys and the hills heaved and trembled,
The stone over my grave was rolled aside;
Like a freed bird, my spirit tried to soar --
Was this the Renascence as prophesied?

Upward I arose from my dark confines,
The flesh on my bones was reappearing;
Now all the dead were rising from their graves,
What gasps of confusion I was hearing!

A blinding light plummeted from the sky,
Its intensity then made manifold;
What joy! There I stood face to face with God,
His overture a wonder to behold!

"Choose to live again," a silent voice urged,
"And so my breath of life through you shall flow;"
Bleak silence ensued, sensing my unrest,
Then I dared to ask what most yearned to know:

"How will this new life compare to the last,
Will I be assured love this time around?"
The Light dimmed a bit, and somehow I knew
The sad answer, though I heard not a sound

"Then tell me, please, what about mankind .....
This time will all men embrace each other
With kindness, respect and more tolerance,
Will we accept each man as our brother?"

Oh, how the silence filled my soul with grief,
Upon a sea of turmoil I was tossed;
Was it madness on my part to suggest
Restoration of a Paradise once lost?

It was predetermined -- little would change,
Just different costumes and new scripts to read;
How rude to offer yet another life
Where neither love nor peace was guaranteed!

Still I argued: "But what about Heaven .....
Does no one earn the right to Paradise?"
Said the voice: "Earth holds both Heaven and Hell,
Make your decisions, and hope they are wise!"

Said I: "What of the plight of all mankind .......
Illness, famine, wars - pain without relief?
The list is endless - is there no recourse
For this senseless suffering beyond belief?"

An angel whispered a severe scolding:
"Life is a gift - accept it gratefully!"
What could an angel know of mortal things?
Without love, life would mean nothing to me!

I could not accept this new gift of life,
And gently, I laid it back at His feet;
Without further discourse He turned away,
There were so many more souls yet to greet

I had re-walked the steps of my past life
And recalled the pain of dying alone;
With no remorse, I returned to my grave,
With a sigh, an angel replaced the stone

Someone, so long ago
Listened while I sang my lonely song;
He understood each sad refrain
And chose to sing along

And when he sang I knew
Our two souls were destined to combine;
With three words he conquered my heart,
And lit the flame divine

Had the sun ever shone
As brightly before he came to me?
Life seemed worthless, without meaning --
A pointless destiny

Suddenly, life made sense,
I was a prisoner he set free;
The rain felt good, birdsong was sweet,
I touched infinity!

A beautiful bouquet
He offered me when he came to call;
But the flowers were not mine to keep --
Soon Fate reclaimed them all

But Love's fire is undying,
Though an ember, it still casts a glow,
Reminding me how much I loved
Someone ....... so long ago

Each night while awaiting sleep's ******,
Thoughts emerge from their darkened lair
To walk the shores of eternal hope,
Only to sink in seas of despair

How often I've searched for Love's footprints --
An effort my heart must find droll;
Have winds of Time carelessly plundered
All memories of Love from Life's scroll?

To recall just one brief encounter
That somehow escaped memory
Would bring such joy to my dismal world --
To know someone once cared for me

A faint voice echoing  "I love you"
Would more than suffice to repair
These tattered wings that once ferried hope . . .
But alas! the heart's chamber is bare

And so I appeal to sleep's mercy
As I lie upon this lonely bed:
Carry me swiftly beneath thy wing
To a realm where heartaches dare not tread

Then all of my senses surrender
As I welcome night's peaceful repose,
And tear-moistened lips softly murmur:
Please, let this day come to a close!

Do not come gently into my dark night!
Intrude boldly on this loneliness
That creeps through my veins like a killing blight,
And no words of comfort can suppress

Blast the prison walls of this tortured mind,
Setting it free from its doleful plight;
Send it soaring toward realms yet unassigned
In its quest to find Love's guiding light

Pound loudly upon my heart's bolted door,
Shout to stir and wake these sleeping dreams;
Let them once again walk Hope's blissful shore,
And wade through Euphoria's glistening streams

All the bridges of caution must be burned,
Unfurl audacity's fearless claws;
Brashness is welcome where Love is concerned,
For Love fulfills the greatest of God's laws!

As I gaze into Life's sea of tears
Mine is not the only reflection;
Many hearts loiter in darkened spheres,
Wandering with no sense of direction

So when heartache starts to overwhelm
(Consequence of Love's sly trickery)
I find respite in a phantom realm
Of ploys mimicking Love's ecstasy

Night may find me trekking paths unknown
With only the moon's glow to guide me;
Pity me not, thinking I walk alone . . .
My shadow's always close beside me

In a bottle I place love letters,
Then I cast them to the restless sea;
Wretchedness frees me of its fetters
When the tide brings those words back to me

I shout "I love you" to the distant hills,
Then listen for my echo's return;
I stand in awe as Hope's chalice spills
Forth that vow for which lonely hearts yearn

I'll admit, these are weird strategies,
So why do I use them? you may ask;
Desperate hearts seek desperate remedies . . .
Love's indifference groomed me for this task!

His tender words flowed so sweetly,
Like honey dripping from the comb;
How quickly the seeds of love take root
When they're scattered upon fertile loam

So precious to me were his words ---
What passion they stirred in my heart!
But Time proved to be their enemy .......
In dismay, I watched them fall apart

How frail and brief their existence ---
Transparent as the ocean's spray;
And much like feathers borne by the wind,
Love's empty words tend to drift away

Empty words of love can't endure
The tornadic winds of the heart;
But for a brief while what joy they bring
As they practice their deceitful art

So let them fly -- set those words free!
Like weary birds with restless wings,
They'll find refuge in my lonely heart ---
Those false lyrics, bound with golden strings

And the next time such words drift by,
Like a child in a candy store
With unbridled greed I'll grasp for them,
Then devour those sweet lies yet once more

Some dedicate a lifetime to wealth gain,
But I find such pursuits to be quite vain;
From Fortune's footpath I would gladly stray
If only to know love at end of day

Just one love to fill all my lonely hours --
To scoff at solitude's crumbling towers;
I'd be like raw clay in the potter's hands,
Waiting to be molded to his demands

I'd guide the weary drifter to my shore
Where he'd find wondrous regions to explore;
Through Winter's wrath he'd feel the breath of Spring,
On my deserted isle he would be king

I'd be his starlight and his morning sun
And assure him his wandering days were done;
So in my dark despair I beg of Fate
To send Love and re-open Eden's gate

And this time there'd be no forbidden tree,
Our love would change the course of destiny;
For when the Garden of Love has flowered,
Its tempting fruits are meant to be devoured

Life would be a bouquet of poetry,
And the song of the birds a symphony;
The simplest things in life would be divine .......
If only, O, if only love were mine!

I shiver with the howling winds
That seep through the cracks in the door;
My shawl awaits my trembling shoulders,
But his arms are what I'm praying for

Logs hiss and sputter on the hearth,
Sounding like some demonic choir,
But it's not their empty warmth I seek .....
(As if in protest, the flames leap higher)

The moon gives no encouragement ---
Cold indifference his gilded crown;
While doubt and fear pound upon the door
With such force I fear they'll knock it down

Doubt ..... that my prayer will be answered,
Fear ..... that I will forever yearn
To own the night, with him in my arms,
While we watch our holy fire burn

Longing for him holds me hostage ---
How often I've prayed for release:
If his love was not meant to be mine,
Take this yearning and restore my peace

My heart's a weary battleground
Where hope struggles to crush despair;
How long will Heaven turn a blind eye
To these tears and my unanswered prayer!

Night falls, spreading its black canopy,
And right on cue, the moon appears,
Resurrecting unbridled ghosts
That salute me with taunts and jeers

Woe and loneliness rise from their graves
And dance in the luminous air;
Let them claim their ****** victory!
My shattered heart yields in despair

I'm imprisoned in this godless realm
Of loneliness and misery --
A dank cave that echoes my cry:
Love, why have you abandoned me!

And through it all the remorseless moon
Holds the sun's healing light at bay;
As despair flaunts its victory,
A faint light breaks the fading gray

Finally, the dawn! what welcome relief----
With its light the spirits depart;
The callous moon waves its farewell,
Bringing small comfort to my heart

For I know what awaits me tomorrow
As the night overcomes the day:
The rising moon will signal the hour
For the demons to come out and play

Some dedicate a lifetime to wealth gain,
But I find such pursuits to be quite vain;
From Fortune's footpath I would gladly stray
If only to know love at end of day

Just one love to fill all my lonely hours --
To scoff at solitude's crumbling towers;
I'd be like raw clay in the potter's hands,
Waiting to be molded to his demands

I'd guide the weary drifter to my shore
Where he'd find wondrous regions to explore;
Through Winter's wrath he'd feel the breath of Spring,
On my deserted isle he would be king

I'd be his starlight and his morning sun
And assure him his wandering days were done;
So in my dark despair I beg of Fate
To send Love and re-open Eden's gate

And this time there'd be no forbidden tree,
Our love would change the course of destiny;
For when the Garden of Love has flowered,
Its tempting fruits are meant to be devoured

Life would be a bouquet of poetry,
And the song of the birds a symphony;
The simplest things in life would be divine .......
If only, O, if only love were mine!

Tell me what things you've seen, Brother Moon,
From your outpost at the top of the world,
Stories of lovers' trysts cause me to swoon .....
Please relate how Cupid's arrows were hurled

But tell me Friend, what else do you see
When you scan the four corners of this globe?
Do you sigh viewing man's iniquity?
You've earned the right to wear the judge's robe

Does our intolerance cause you pain,
Does our wickedness ever make you cry?
A pity our dragons have not all been slain ---
You witness it all from your perch on high

But perhaps you might take a minute
To recall if you've seen my darling boy;
You know, my world's cold, there's no life in it,
Without his love my heart can find no joy

Please, won't you help me to find my man?
One winter morn he left without a word;
But how foolish of me to think you can
Possibly keep track of each fallen bird

O, let the stars tumble from the sky!
What do I care if the moon turns to stone!
Without someone to love what need have I
Of heaven's jewels if I must walk alone

Forgive me if I've broken the rules
By cursing the heavens for my despair;
Mortals are no more than a crew of fools
On a ship that inflates its sails with prayer

No longer will I burden the air
With prayers whose replies are long overdue;
But dear Moon, is there hope in my despair .....
Or will my lonely nights be spent with you?
And then the moon gently caressed my hair,
Reaffirming what I already knew

A little lady cardinal
One morning perched upon my deck,
Spying the seeds I had placed there,
Hungrily, she began to peck

Soon she was joined by her lover,
With his "tweetheart" he came to dine;
What a lovely couple they made,
Standing there underneath the pine

I stood in awe of their courtship,
Then came a moment of mystique --
Lovingly, he took a peanut
And gently placed it in her beak

His wing lifted to caress her,
So much in love they seemed to be;
Tears started to well in my eyes,
Seeing love's pure simplicity

Suddenly, there appeared a hawk,
A dark shadow touring the sky,
All chirping hushed, fear filled the air,
And then sounded the warning cry

All the birds in the area
Sought trees, left and right they did veer,
But little lady cardinal
Just sat there, paralyzed with fear

Death was gliding on wings outspread,
Lady cardinal in his sight;
Then down he swooped to claim his prize,
Suddenly her lover took flight

Up he flew into death's cold grasp,
Downward fluttered a tattered wing;
Satisfied with his handsome catch,
The hawk soared away, revelling

The red bird gave his life for love,
But his bravery was not in vain,
Each dawn finds his lady grieving,
Singing for him her sad refrain

So many words of love flooding the atmosphere,
Anxiously I wait, yet not one reaches my ear;
Endless tweets and emails go soaring through the skies,
Amorous verses, but none intended for my eyes

Charming refrains, scattering love all around me,
I just don't understand ...... why hasn't love found me?
Am I perhaps a spirit that no one can see?
**** you, Fate, for this unwarranted cruelty!

Empty arms abound, yet none offer to hold me --
What joy is found in an embrace! (so they've told me);
So many love-filled hearts, yet none to call my own,
A world filled with people, yet here I sit, alone

You say "Let's escape the cares of life,
And together we'll do wondrous things;
Dream along with me . . . what partners we'll be,
Wild and unrestrained, we'll spread our wings"

I say "I'll be daring, not foolish,
We musn't fly too close to the sun;
From Icarus I learned we could get burned,
For some things just shouldn't be done"

When you say you'll take me to heaven,
You mean sky-diving?  O . . . how exciting . . .
Sounds a bit manic, may cause some panic,
And maybe a bit of nail biting

What? Now deep-sea diving sounds thrilling?
Do you mean down to the ocean floor?
What a suggestion!  I have a question:
Have you ever done this before?

Now you're beginning to frighten me,
Isn't it time we both thought this through?
I'm not a coward, but I'm being devoured
By doubt, so here's what we could do:

We could climb that hill and count the stars --
A world of wonders awaits us above;
Or . . .  since it's so late, let's end this debate . . .
Why don't we stay home and make love!

How the thirst for love can rack the heart!
"Just a drop will do," it softly screams;
Ah, but what solace could one drop impart
To this torrid wasteland of parched dreams?

My gasping heart is struggling for breath
As panic stirs the dust of despair;
A cry for compassion (a plea for death?)
Leaves my lips as I kneel down in prayer

But prayers do not comfort my distress --
Pleadings turn profane upon my tongue,
Prodding me to silence my loneliness
And trudge on with my sorrows unsung

But my thirsting heart begs to be heard,
And its yearnings I dare not suppress;
(What inspires these rhymes and each dauntless word?
The obscure blessings of loneliness!)

Loneliness and its unsated thirst
Cause thoughts to take flight on tattered wings,
And the rationale of a heart accursed
Results in the worst imaginings

Now the hour's late, soon my sun will set,
Hope is waning like a smoldering fire,
And my thirst for love now provokes regret
For each empty dream and vain desire

My search for love was an ill-fated dream
That drifted on the wings of despair
As Life slowly unveiled its tragic theme ---
And so it found its destiny there

Cry when you feel sorry for yourself,
You're the captain of your sinking ship;
Rebuke the fool who says "Things could be worse,"
He's not seen the whole iceberg ..... just the tip!

As I watch Autumn glide into Winter,
Sparse are the fond memories I invoke,
Just a fragment here, and there a splinter,
But Love left not one ember to stoke

Hopes and dreams that held promises of Love
Hang like withered fruits upon the vine;
And my heart, like the solitary dove,
Mourns for the love that never was mine

As the hourglass marks the eleventh hour
I watch anxiously as the sand falls;
Loneliness wields its consummate power
While Death impatiently walks the halls

Is there time to right this egregious wrong ---
Will Fate discipline its heart of stone?
Before the last refrains of my swan song
Might I yet ascend Love's golden throne?

Only Fate foreknows all that's yet to be,
But it has no voice with which to speak;
Silently it walks toward eternity
Veiling the havoc it may yet wreak

If only to alter Fate's fickle mind
And beg Time to walk a slower pace,
The days yet to come might be redesigned
To show me a more merciful face

And each path I take might be strewn with flowers,
When I bet on Love, I just might win .......
Ah, what futile dreams fill these lonely hours,
Trying to calm the churning hell within!

Another day has furled its wings,
Another sun has set,
Another nightbird lilts and sings . . .
Now comes the hour of regret

Now comes the pain of loneliness,
Now comes the dread of night,
Now comes the  gloom of hopelessness
Without Love's glorious light  

Without Love's star to guide my way,
Without Love's ecstasy,
Without Love's  bliss to fill my day
I'm bound by Fate's decree

I'm bound by endless misery,
I'm bound by drear surrounds,
I'm bound by the cruel certainty
That anguish knows no bounds

How little I care for rubies and pearls
Or the sparkle of a diamond ring,
But when a man speaks tender words of love,
These are the jewels that make my heart sing!

No matter the obstacles in my path --
Be they copious as stars above me;
All I ask is that at my journey's end
There'll be a man waiting to love me

Now I've heard women say in angry tones
When with their lover they have just tiffed:
"He thinks he's special, God's gift to women!"
Well, I think of each man as a gift

His lips, his arms, every part of a man
Are all treasures that women adore;
What else do we need on a stormy night,
Or when winter's winds howl at the door?

Yes, I see each man as a precious gift.
(Perhaps I'm being foolish) ..... yet still
I know of nothing more divine than love,
And a man's touch -  an undefined thrill

With proper intent, I love every man!
(Forgive me if I seem indiscreet)
But God's wisdom shines in His grand design---
Without each other, we're incomplete

And when lonely nights prove unbearable,
We then see the glory of His plan:
Man will rush toward woman with arms outstretched .......
For woman is also God's gift to man!

As I wandered the Trail of Solitude
Down that footpath so well-known to me,
A tender "I love you" dared to intrude
Upon my intense melancholy

I reeled upon hearing Love's treasured words,
Thinking they were intended for me;
Desire bolted like a flock of wild birds
Obeying the call of destiny

Seeds of love lying dormant in my heart
Suddenly burst forth into full bloom;
From the lonely caste I'd been set apart,
Filling the air was Love's sweet perfume

But haste is the enemy of a heart
Wandering in the Garden of Despair,
Toward that tree laden with fruits it will dart,
Ignoring the signs that warn "Beware"

A starving heart will perceive a grand feast
Where only a few crumbs have been tossed;
By the time the pangs of hunger have ceased
Common sense and caution are long lost

What joy to think Love had found me at last
And despair had taken its last toll!
But long ago the fateful die was cast
And my name erased from Heaven's scroll

Now hope and dreams have long since turned to dust,
Yet, this moment haunts my memory;
Love had come so close ...... Alas! it was just
A case of mistaken identity

Many were the hours my head was bowed,
Supplicating mindless deities;
(With what foolish thoughts man is endowed!
But  . . . we pick and choose our liberties)

Then I had a most disturbing dream . . .
I saw mountains of unanswered prayer,
Mankind's tears formed an eternal stream,
While the dust of dead gods filled the air

And amidst this turmoil and malaise
Stood the ruins of an empty throne
Where the ghosts of Folly sang their praise,
Paying homage to the Great Unknown

In a state of panic I awoke --
Was this vision my epiphany?
Perhaps Truth dons a deceitful cloak
To disguise the barbs of Reality?

Countless times these hands have clasped in prayer,
And to each prayer futile hope was pinned . . .
An imagined throne with no one there . . .
Endless litanies  . . . lost to the wind!

Yet, Hope's chrism courses through our veins
Every time we utter useless prayers;
If only all those passionate refrains
Were acknowledged by someone who cares!

Will you dare to heed this clarion call?
Ease the heart of someone in despair!
Kindly acts - although they may be small,
Just might be the answer to a prayer

Life has dealt harshly with me at times  
Throughout the passing years,
But with Love to guide me through each trial,
There was no need for tears

Though wealth never sought my company
Nor on my footpath tread,
The treasure of Love belonged to me,
So not a tear was shed

How many dreams ended on a heap,
Hewn by Fate's reckless shears!
But I had Love to encourage me  . . .
I gave no thought to tears

Then a dark cloud hovered overhead --
Love had abandoned me;
Now, ever since that heart-wrenching day,
My tears flow endlessly

Perhaps you are not aware that many of our recent poems are not being seen by all members. I discovered this a few months ago when I was asked to "log in." I have to log in every week, and I don't know why.  Anyway, I had visited the site of a member who told me he had posted a new poem.  I read the poem, then realized I could not comment because I was not logged in.  After I did that, his latest poems disappeared - nowhere to be found.  Well, the next time I had to log in, before I did that, I checked out various other sites and found the same problem - all latest poems, going back as far as 4 months - were not visible to me after I logged in.  I have notified management at least 3 times of this problem, but received no acknowledgement, and the problem goes on. So many times I get Error 502 and cannot gain access to the site for days.  So if any members have noticed their readership and comments diminishing, this problem may very well be affecting you, too.  Perhaps if we all "storm the citadel" and complain enough, this problem will be resolved.  Good luck to us all!

I searched for Love in my garden,
Parting each flower's petals,
I searched through briars and brambles.
Pricking my fingers on the nettles

I searched for Love in the heavens
Where God and the angels are;
While floating on a cloud, I searched,
Only to bump my head on a star

I searched for Love at the seashore,
Scouring each tide, high and low;
When a wave carried me away
I almost drowned in the undertow

I searched for Love in the desert,
Sifting sand through my fingers,
Burned by the sun, choking from thirst
(The torment of it all still lingers)

I searched for Love among the ruins
Of heartaches I overcame;
I found not a trace ..... all was gone,
Not a single dream was left to claim

If searching for Love brings such pain,
What can be done about it?
Nothing! but continue to search ---
It's more painful living without it

Suddenly it's all over .....
The feeling that only Love can bring;
Feet that once strolled through clover
Now tread thorns, bemoaning their cruel sting

The moon on its silver throne
Trembles as Love's pledges are broken;
What seeds of distress are sown
As Love's final farewell is spoken!

Songbirds that thrilled captive ears
While warbling a lover's serenade,
Now provoke unhappy tears
As the Light of Love begins to fade

Loving eyes that beamed with hope
Now bespeak a grim reality,
Solace lies beyond their scope
Since Fate issued its brutal decree!

Star-filled skies adorn the night
As the moon announces day is done;
Sadly, Love turns out the light,
And two hearts no longer beat as one

On this grave don't lay your spray of flowers
As tearful mourners bid me adieu;
I'll not be moved by their sweet perfume,
Nor be dazzled by their brilliant hue;
Your past deeds defined my curtain call --
Deeds that bear the bitter taste of gall

Please, let there be no sorrowful tears,
Don't pretend to lament my demise;
Remain unmoved as you were in life
When you saw tears flowing from my eyes;
Show no sorrow, not even a bit,
Lest you be branded a hypocrite

Come not to the mound where I've been laid
While uttering some meaningless prayers,
Once Death announces the end of day,
For broken hearts there are no repairs;
Don't seek forgiveness while on one knee --
I'll be slumbering in tranquility

As I drink from the Eternal Fount,
Do not sully the Waters of Peace,
Keep your distance, this soul is at rest,
At my grave is where your torments cease!
To the Light I will have made my way
As shreds of a wretched life decay

In my heart I held one "I Love You",
O, how it longed to be heard!
Three words that I guarded so closely
Soon grew restless, like a captive bird

Three words, anxious to unlock the door
Of my heart so they could flee
To find refuge in another heart,
And form one love for eternity

But these words cannot be flung in jest --
Too rare and precious are they,
Too easily could they be seduced
And then used in some deceitful way

One night, my heart behaved carelessly,
Leaving the door's latch undone,
Acting on a whim, "I Love You" left,
And to a profane heart it did run

He said "Trust me, I'll cherish these words,
I swear by Heaven above you,"
Convinced by his passion, I succumbed,
But he defiled my last "I Love You"

Three words, wrapped in a scarlet mantle,
Would never be repeated;
On a blazing pyre they found their peace,
Their purpose so cruelly defeated

My languid heart was lost in reverie
As I wished upon a star last night;
While engaged in this wistful beggary,
An angel altered my wretched plight

The mirror briefly captured his contour,
My silken sheets wrinkled with his weight,
His wings, with subtle fragrance of mille fleur
Brushed my face in a most awkward state

My body quivered as I gasped aloud,
(His intentions could only be guessed)
O'er my room the moon spread its silver shroud
As warm lips against mine gently pressed

What sensual words were whispered in my ear,
(I'm sure Seraphs blushed in disbelief!)
Rarely are mortals permitted so near
Heaven, discarding Life's cloak of grief

Yet, is this not deemed a celestial task?
Love must soar on wings of Faith and Hope
Guided by an angel in mortal mask,
When in our dark solitude we *****

In his arms I had found my paradise!
Though this encounter was but a dream,
How deep was the love I saw in his eyes,
When he touched me how real it did seem

Panic seized my heart as morning appeared
And the sun's first rays dappled the floor;
With dawn's light he vanished, just as I feared,
For even Heaven could give no more

But on my mind is etched every detail,
And when yearning makes my thoughts take flight,
Should I make a wish and the stars fail,
I've but to recall that wondrous night

Imprisoned in my melancholy world
I sought escape in my errant dreams;
A vast universe of promise unfurled --
A stroll with love through Elysian streams

As my eyelids closed, my awakening came --
A dream lover woke my dormant heart;
A small spark kindled into a bright flame
Commanding the darkness to depart

And I savored love in all its splendor,
Every trace of loneliness had flown;
How swift and complete was my surrender,
For love's divine hand now held my own

But desperate hearts see what's not really there --
Phantoms and imaginings so real
That for brief moments they numb our despair,
And wounds of loneliness start to heal

How frail are the dreams of the desperate heart,
Fashioned of cloud-drifts and withered leaves;
With the slightest breeze they scatter apart,
(In dismay the bewildered heart grieves)

Doomed is love conceived of the lonely heart,
It's destined to end in tears and pain;
That darkened veil that sleep had torn apart
Now envelops my heart once again

In dreams, reality wears a disguise --
The love I find there is mine to keep;
So come, dream lover, murmur your sweet lies,
As the night winds lull me back to sleep

I'm staring at a blank sheet of paper
     on the desk in front of me,  
It's just begging to embrace a new poem,
     but I have this theory:
I'll prove I'm stronger than this silly urge
     to be seduced by a rhyme;
I'll not surrender to such balderdash,
     my self-control is sublime;
A smug little smile creeps over my face --
     but O, how the urge beckons . . .
O, Lord, I must write!  Self-control be ******!
Well, that took all of ten seconds

Standing at the footbridge I kept watch each night,
My lantern raised high, casting its brilliant light;
I helped him pass safely, one side to the other,
Then watched as he ran to the arms of another

Now my lantern is cold, no flames burning bright,
No more do I search for those lost in the night;
Next to the hearth, on pillows strewn o'er the floor,
I sip wine with wanderers who knock at my door

At my mother's knee I learned right from wrong,
I learned life sent trials just to make us strong

In some endeavors I learned I may fail,
But I must keep trying, though rough storms assail;

I learned that at times clouds will hide the sun,
When despair surges, it must be outrun;

I learned that kind words when softly spoken
To distraught hearts were a healing token;

I learned sad folks smile when you caress them,
And when all else fails, ask God to bless them;

I learned to forge on, though weary and tired,
For life's a game where much skill is required;

Walking rocky paths I learned I might fall,
But I must go on, though I'm forced to crawl;
I learned how to fend when push comes to shove,
But having to learn to live without love ..........
Now that was the hardest lesson of all!

With the first breath that you draw
I'm there to take control;
Servant to a higher law
I'm dealt a daunting role

I am Life! My cosmic dust
Now courses through your veins;
**** and curse me,  if you must . . .
You're now bound by Earth's chains

I know of your strengths and flaws,
Your notions, good and vile;
For each tear I know the cause,
And all that makes you smile

I'm the one who tolls the bell,
Inviting you to prayer
When the pain you bravely quell
Is more than you can bear

When I give you cause to grieve,
What scorn you bring to me;
Yet, when I threaten to leave,
O, how you cling to me!

When love's absence dims your eyes
And causes tears to pour,
Please know that I empathize,
But I can do no more

I'm  bound to a charted course -
Not of my own design;
Someday you'll join that same Force,
But right now, you're all mine

Though my methods may be spurned
And known to trigger strife,
This is how lessons are learned
In classrooms taught by Life

I'll be told when to collect
The total debt you owe;
(There's a harvest to expect
From every seed you sow)

And when your account comes due
I'll siphon your last breath,
Then safely deliver you . . .
Into the arms of Death

Whose arms will tenderly cradle me
When through Death's dubious portal I pass?
Whose heaven becomes eternal hell
When I'm laid to rest beneath the grass?

Whose quivering lips will call my name
As tears of remorse stream down his face?
Who will try to raise my lifeless arms,
Vainly imploring one last embrace?

Whose trembling hands will be joined in prayer
Seeking comfort from Heaven above,
While promising never to forget
His fervent vows of eternal love?

Who shall compose the final tribute ---
A sad farewell to the mortal me . . .
Perhaps a poem on a tear-stained page
That I'll carry through Eternity?

Who will mourn by my grave in Autumn
When the fading flowers give up their seeds?
Will I be draped in roses and ferns . . .
Or lie forgotten 'neath a pall of weeds!

Whose light will diminish the darkness
In my passage to Eternity?
If such love is never to be mine,
. . . then dead I would rather be!

A seed of love that never found
The hallowed path to fertile ground;
The fruitless tree, the orchard bare . . .
Although unseen, the pain is there

How sad the heart that stokes the bed
Of ashes from a love long dead;
Futile hope that a spark might flare . . .
How great the pain that's dwelling there

An outstretched hand that no one holds
As night's obsidian cloak unfolds;
Whispered low, a desperate prayer,
But no response . . . the pain's still there

As the tide leaves, you'll hear the shore
Cry out "O, please, come back once more!'
Desolation's so hard to bear . . .
Barren and bleak, yet pain thrives there

The widowed sparrow mourns her mate --
Brief happiness, betrayed by Fate;
A nest designed with tender care,
But not abandoned -- pain lives there

The loneliness of passing years
No longer prompts my wasted tears;
Too late we learn life is unfair,
Yet all the while, the pain is there

One night, while walking in drear solitude,
Delicious thoughts of love dared to intrude;
Soon they overtook like a climbing vine
And I felt a warm hand slip into mine,
Then a kiss gently brushed against my cheek,
But not a word of protest did I speak;
Desire and common sense started to brawl,
Then a shadowy figure confirmed it all;
As I walked faster the shadow kept pace,
Dare I look directly into its face?
It mattered not what that look might reveal,
Love from any source is welcomed with zeal;
On I walked in a delirious state,
Convinced some angel had altered my fate;
The moon had been observing this strange scene,
Judgmental, determined to intervene:
"Foolish woman! you're born to walk alone,
That shadow that stirs your heart is your own!
You're beguiled by dreams that can never be,
End this pretense and face reality!"
How cruel of the moon ...... and I told him so;
The curtain fell, and thus ended the show

That Love is heaven no one can deny,
But heaven proves to be a lofty goal,
For Love has shown that it can cheat and lie,
Causing our world to spin out of control

But frivolous Love is better than none,
(You need only ask a love-famished heart)
Though viewpoints may clash, when all's said and done
The heart's decisions are not always smart

Without Love, life will go on as before,
The rising sun will announce the dawn;
And when the moon paces their bedroom floor
The aggrieved hearts simply cry out "Begone!"

And without Love seasons still come and go,
Callous Spring comes strewing her flowers;
Oddly, Autumn's leaves, trampled 'neath the snow
Chronicle many a heart's ill-fated hours

Though frivolous Love may briefly appease
Passion's hunger that gnaws at the heart,
Be warned! Spring's lilacs that dance in the breeze
Also captivate . . . . . and then soon depart

And so goes the story of plans and schemes ---
Frivolous Loves that have failed the test;
But such Love must remain part of our dreams . . .
The search for perfect Love is a fool's quest

Nighttime often finds me conversing
With the moon, my loyal sentry;
But when Love's memories come to call
Too willingly I grant them entry

At times the moon seems indifferent,
And behind clouds vanishes from sight;
(He too sails an ocean of darkness --
With loneliness that matches my plight.)

As distant bells announce the twelfth hour
Solitude spreads its cloak of gray,
How can I dismiss those memories
That still guide my footsteps by day?

As ghosts of love come marching past me--
What yearnings these visions invite;
And while I'm absorbed in reverie
My bleak realm is aglow with Love's light

Grateful, I relive  those lost moments ---
Those joys  Fate has chosen  to smite,
When Yesterday's hand gently guides me
Through those hours of unbridled delight

With or without the moon's radiance,
I'll follow this path,  for I know
By and by I'll reach that green valley
Where streams of sweet memories flow

While seeking the best of Life's offerings,
We tend to overlook the simple things --
The rose's essence that fills us with awe,
The first daffodil that braves winter's thaw

A fledgling's ventures are deemed simple things,
But how grand a sight when they spread their wings
And take to the air on their maiden flight,
Soaring and darting like wild beams of light

A night bird may chant just a simple tune,
But lovers lying 'neath the refulgent moon
Sense the enchantment in that divine hour,
And soon Love's voice flaunts its seductive power

With what magnificence the setting sun
Makes its grand departure when day is done;
A display worthy of admiration,
Just as the moon . . . a poet's inspiration

Among the simplest, yet most cherished things
Are the jewels of a poet's imaginings;
And Love, precious Love that gives Life its worth
Grants us a faint glimpse of Heaven on Earth

Whatever your preference, let us lay claim
To Life's awesome gifts . . .  too many to name;
Your caste matters not - wealth or poverty,
Life's simplest, yet most precious things are free

So let us keep watch with vigilant eyes,
For Life's true wealth often wears a disguise;
From a branch he calls home, the robin sings,
For he knows the value of simple things

What is my purpose for being
In a world that I find quite insane?
If given but a glimpse of Fate's scroll
I might know if my birth was in vain

Baffling questions rob me of peace . . .
Why am I here, and why at this hour?
To kindle Love's torch for the lonely ?
To give strength to weak men who cower?

Am I here to sharpen the sword
When the battle's about to be lost?
Might I calm and appease the tempest
As the frigate's being helplessly tossed?

Am I destined to be the beacon
For a traveler who has lost his way
When Life drops its mantle of darkness,
And neither sun nor moon lends its ray?

Perhaps I'm to be the salvation
Of some fool hurrying toward Hell's gate;
But each day seems so ordinary ---
I've no glorious feats  to relate

Will the answer be found in my poems?
When into my soul I dip my pen,
Might I alter the course of the world
Causing Heaven to shout out Amen?!

O please, pardon this bit of folly ---
Now and then I must create reprieves
From Life's ridiculous mandates
To escape the tangled web it weaves

And so I still find myself pondering
What Life has kept so well concealed:
Its mysteries, conundrums and puzzles,
And my purpose . . . yet to be revealed!

As night falls it brings a foreboding -
A sinister omen of fear;
What will I do when the clock strikes twelve,
When it's midnight and he's not here?

Each tick of the clock seems to mock me,
How do I flee its taunting jeer?
A starless mantle of black and gray
Steadily falls . . . and he's not here

And I plead,  but will God hear my prayer,
Or into my heart ****** a spear?
The hour hand of the clock slowly crawls
Toward midnight . . . and he's not here

Has the fount of mercy stopped flowing?
My cup remains devoid of cheer;
I brace myself for doom's messenger . . .
Midnight arrives . . . and he's not here

Each night the clock eerily echoes
The ****** of a drama so drear,
Repeating over and over again
Not here . . . not here . . . not here . . .

There's a void in my life that I can't explain,
A vacant wasteland of untouched terrain;
A candle waiting for someone to light . . .
Who am I missing tonight?

Was he in the crowd, did we pass in the street?
On some occasion did our eyes chance to meet?
A faceless form slips in and out of sight...
Who am I missing tonight?

Does he think of the girl  that he never met?
Is he cursing Fate for this unpaid debt?
Does he also ask as he dims the light:
"Who am I missing tonight?"

Now Time has reclaimed my borrowed youth
And I fear I shall die not knowing the truth;
But I'll not be silenced, though  Death tries to smite
My relentless cry, as I'm drawn toward the Light . . .
Who was I missing each night?

A darkness hovered over me  
Like a mourning widow's veil,    
But I knew Love could dispel such gloom  --  
(I'd read that in a fairy tale)

In my loneliness I despaired,
Awaiting my prince and his kiss;
Then doubt and fear merged with loneliness . . .  
Could Love's bridge span such an abyss?

Though caught in the grips of darkness
I still sought salvation's light,
And while Fate scoffed at my brazenness
Hope's hallowed flame kept burning bright

And then came that glorious moment
The hand of Fate could not subdue;
My dormant heart awoke to Love's kiss,
Proving fairy tales do come true!

Awake at last, I savored Life
With a sweetness I'd never known;
Love marched in and swept me off my feet,
Trampling  seeds of woe Fate had sown

But Fate always claims victory ---
This Love was not mine to keep;
Bitter is the song of loneliness,
Once again, it lulls me to sleep