When I was born my father held me in his arms,
Promised to cherish me,
Give me the world,
Always protect me,
And prayed to God that I'd never meet a man like you

He prayed that his daughter would never have to flinch when someone went to touch her.
Prayed that she'd never have to mistake being property for being loved.

My father prayed that I'd never know the terrifying hunger that exists in your eyes.
Prayed that I'd never have to cry while a man claimed to be making love to me,
When all he was doing was causing pain.
Prayed that I'd know the difference.

He prayed that I'd never have to lie to myself and say "I wasn't *****."
"He didn't mean it"
"Maybe he didn't hear me crying stop"
"At least he stopped when he saw the blood"

Prayed that it wouldn't take me 5 years to even talk about it out loud. Once. With my best friend. And still act like it wasn't a big deal.

If you were a tree
I'd lay in your branches the way I lay in your arms
Because I know they'd hold me
If you were a tree I'd spend everyday in your shade
I'd water you like it was my religion
And when they tried to tear us apart I'd chain myself to you in protest.

When your leaves fell I'd collect them in hopes to learn more about you.
I'd build a fence around you so that no one could hurt you.
I'd love you in all seasons.
Even in the dead of winter when you remained dormant and leafless, I'd still see your beauty.

If you were a tree
I'd climb to the top of you so that we could see the world together.

And when you died,
I'd have you made into paper and bound you into a notebook.
And everyday I'd write love letters into you so that even in death,
You knew our love was real.

I remember it like it was yesterday.
We were driving a little too fast,
and the destination didn't matter.
I was just watching you,
Singing the song on the radio,
Reciting every line perfectly,
(me chiming in where I could),
The smile on your face filled my heart with nostalgia.
Because in that moment,
You weren't the guy that you grew up to be,
You were the boy I fell in love with years ago.

I go to that moment whenever I miss you.
Whenever my heart goes numb,
Or worse,
When I can feel every ounce of pain from you not being there.

In that moment,
I was safe.
In that moment,
I knew,
the definition of never-ending.
I knew,
that I would forever be stuck,
In that seat,
In that car,
In that moment,
Watching you.

Today I tried.
I woke up,
Rolled out of bed,
And I tried not to feel like all of gravity was resting in my heart.
I tried not to think of you,
Tried not to cry,
Tried not to cringe everytime someone mentioned you.

But I did think of you,
And I cried,
And I felt every wound you ever left behind.
I...
Can't explain.
How does one describe what It feels like to be ripped apart,
And put back together,
With almost every piece in the wrong place,
And some missing.

How do I describe,
How it feels to live without you?
Or with you.

There's two doors.
Behind one,
Is someone you love and adore,
And he'll love you fiercly.
He'd die for you.
He'll tell you everyday how beautiful you are,
And how much he loves you.
He'll forever take care of you,
He's safe
And he will never hurt you.
But part of you knows,
You can never love him the way he loves you.

Behind the second,
Is someone you'll love fiercly,
Passionately,
When he kisses you the world will seem to light up in flames.
Seeing him is like seeing him for the first time,
Everytime.
His very existence makes the world seem bright again.
When he's gone,
You feel almost empty.
He's dangerous,
Amazing,
And your souls are intertwined.
But he'll never love you the way you love him.

Now open a door.

I don't want to feel anymore.
That's the only wish I have for any shooting star out there,
Harden my heart,
Make me cold and hollow.
Make me forget love.

I don't want to hurt anymore
Take me back to when my heart was so broken I could no longer feel.
Before he fixed me.
Before he broke me again.

Please.
That's the only wish I have.

I lied when I said that I fell in love with you.
No.
I leaped.
I dove.
I
Jumped.
I threw myself right off that edge and made it look like I fell.
And now I'm so damaged from the crash,
That nobody recognizes me.
They can't ID the body.

Now I have no one to blame but myself for this pain,
For the cuts
and the bruises that come with loving you.
My heart,
Is unsavable.