I is spontaneous
I is me -
without the edits from society
I is what in my head, the real her
what's inside,
words without filters
Forgive me socialites
I have yet to let your opinion decipher
Who I am internally
expectations of before and after

...But

Me
me is egotistic
me is influenced
me is the girl that society ruined
Don't say this, never do that
unconsciously self- conscious  
under the influence
in tune
part of the group
in a section of the crowd
I shouldn't belong to.

I miss I
but me is the new me
I find that being alone is better
and I find solitude indulging

Next year is a new decade
And I just have to say
That i'm done with this phase
I'm done with the facade
That I put on my fades
Everyday it loosens
But everybody can relate
I refuse to be toxic
Or allow it in my life
And i’m claiming for 2020
That i'm gonna strike
10 for 10
20 for 20
I'm not wasting no time
I'm not playing hooky
If you don't let me do me
Then you will get escorted out
I refuse to have my fire extinguished now
I'm on a roll
Call me cottonelle
I'm not drake
But my hotline blings if you can’t tell
I'm done being depressed
I'm done feeling sorry
If you don't want better
Then you cannot stop me
Winners in my circle
And we smart like Steve Erkle
Over obstacles like hurdles
Usain and we boltin'
Like laundry, i'm not folding
Reversing patterns
Breaking chains
I will not get played like a lame
I;m going to be rich
And I will be successful
No doubt about it
Make sure u deliver the message

I pray this prayer
when I feel scared
Not safety from others
But from my own hands
I am the most dangerous
When i’m stuck in my head
Sad thoughts arise
And I think
What would be different
if i leave in a blink
I could end this all now
But what happens next
Ill cause more pain
And my mother would never forgive herself
But sometimes its her fault
And sometimes it not
But the things i plead
to the  lord above
If you heard
You would understand why I can't leave my thoughts untouched
I ask him to heal my broken heart
And to seal the deep tears
And make life something I can bear
To stop feeling empty
And  make me want to be here
But then
this brings the tears
Sometimes i don't hear an answer back
And I feel like i'm not close enough to God
So now, again I pray
so i can find that bond
So lord please forgive me
Please spear me
This hurt is something
That keeps me from standing
I just need some type of love
Some connection from above
Or something simple
A healthy relationship
But don't take it away again
That's a grave, already dug
I cant take anymore hurt
So i'm holding my breath
Until you give me something real
Ill hold on my chest
I’ll hold my heart still
So that I can focus on you
So I don’t give my heart
To someone it shouldn’t belong to.