It almost worked
I almost forgot
It almost worked
I almost smoked ***

Just kidding! My heart would beat too fast and my brain would go like ka-splat and I would tell you how I felt so I could just go and melt in a *** of my own self pity in a town too far from your home city and instead I drink enough caffeine to **** a horse over the course of a single thanksgiving course of a meal because I don't want to admit how I feel and I messed it up once again and now I kind of feel like the man made of tin because I don't have a heart i can give or a person I can forgive because god might forgive my sins but the devil always wins when it comes to myself and my personal health and if you read this far through the unspeakable tar I thank you and apologize and realize that maybe I should have just smoked *** with all those kids who are unreasonably hot for the things they do because then I wouldn't be writing poems to someone I always just name you

Vulgarity holds a simple singularity
That seems to grip my brain steadfastly
I seem ignorant in my ranting tones
a child playing adult and acting rashly

Unbefitting of a lady to be emitting
The anger and simple roughness
Or unrefined lack of care
No need for acts of roughness

Sorry I didn't keep my promise
That I swear when you aren't near
I'm sorry for this disgusting course of action
I'm sorry mom for all the things you didn't hear

Self destruction

A period for reconstruction

A civil war within my brain

A torrent of life a torrent of pain

Still my age does not make me wise
My mother cries, my father sighs

I write words for attention to those who will never see my face
I treat life like a simple race

To the end, where it will stop and so will I
A flash, a bang, a final goodbye

I beg for you to message
It seems I haven't learned my lesson
Still selfish in my worldly pursuits
Self-absorbed and bored

I don't allow time for grief
At least thats what I've come to think
I allow the fire to burn within my heart
Allow myself to be ignored and gored

I have a rather large distaste
of those who come with haste

They are sympathetic to your blight
they wish you well and a goodnight

But

Only over the telephone screen
what a way to feel seen

I'm here for you, whatever I can do
still they never come to see you

And

In the case you don't respond
they figure there is no reason to correspond

Even when you sit up to your knees in tears
as you watch your world crumble to your darkest fears

Though

This perhaps is a simple overreaction
and a fail on my part to take action

In which case I do sincerely apologizes
for my lies, unworthy cries, that begged you to sympathize

Holliday takes over novelty
Reality purged by the imagination
Open your eyes its Christmas time
Send cards to those with no relation

I'm no expert,
Just a little brown over and under the eyes,
totally low effort,
doesn't matter if I cry.

Now I want you back,
I miss your hands in my heart,
you're the only part of me I lack,
but what if you don't want to restart.

You were the secret to my life,
And they tell me calm down, you're seventeen,
but every moment is a red hot knife,
followed by the echoes of an overlived dream.