how can i be so afraid of dying
when i can’t stop imaging my own death?
is it that i don’t want to die at the expense of others
or that i want it to be when i say so
do i really want to die or am i just crazy

special bee
please be careful
careful not to sting
you’ll only hurt yourself
you are too special to me

36200
it’s cold
it’s dark
i can’t breath
i’m going to burst

cement blocks
tied to my limbs
i think about lifting
it’s too heavy
my body
full of cement

i do not want to die
you are already dead
leave me alone
get out of my head

you are pushing me underwater
you show off your importance
i reach for a breath
you push me further
it does not belong to you alone

i feel you around me
sometimes you are comforting
sometimes you are evil
please leave me be

my heart is full
full of flowers
please
don’t let me wilt

you left me behind
i don’t blame you for leaving
every day i wake up and think about joining you
but i’ll keep living with the memories you gifted me
with out you

i love you
maybe less
why can’t i decide

i think about dying a lot
but i would rather not stoop to your low
i imagine getting into an accident
but it isn’t an accident
i want to drive off a cliff
but i would rather not stoop to your low

i would rather worry about your
drug habits
than imagine you hanging
in a closet

i feel the same
but i can not say
nothing is about me
this movie is not mine

i want to lie in the grass
and have the wind blow away my pain
i am so tired
please just let me stay

i’m on your front porch
the rain is coming down
are you unhappy?
please don’t leave

i reach out to you
my fingers slip
you’re so far
please see me
before i fall

i really need to sleep
so please let me back in
so we can lay together
and whisper our apologies
i’m sorry

the world is moving slowly
the thunder is loud
everything is shaking
my heart is aching
do you still care about me

this whole time
i gave you all my love
why don’t you care

you say i’m a worry wart
my worries are not warts
my worries are tumors
growing in my brain
they are cancerous

when i think of you
i want to stay