lilpoiein: Poems

Jan 30 · 36

Untitled

lilpoiein Jan 30

Untitled

I listens to white noise like l'm in an airplane, It keeps me safe. I travel through space, like bubbles in air. I switch off to airplane mode, the mode to get away to be with you.

Jan 30 · 36

I will not go without your presence

lilpoiein Jan 30

I will not go without your presence

The Lord said I don't want you to just achieve your goals, I want to commune with you every day. I want you to be in my presence daily. I want you to seek me and love me. I want fellowship. Christ work has brought restoration to communion with God and man. Emmanuel, Emmanuel, God with us.

Jan 30 · 124

Untitled

lilpoiein Jan 30

Untitled

Don’t look back, because they gonna hold you back. What you can’t do in the past, doesn’t define what you can do in the future.

Aug 2024 · 85

Thank God he was just an intern but he was also a friend

lilpoiein Aug 2024

Thank God he was just an intern but he was also a friend

Everything is embarrassing
You’re always at the back of my mind
I almost died of embarrassment

Everything that you’ve experienced was not the real experience of who I am
I’ve been wanting to tell you what you’ve experienced but it never happened

I never had the chance
I am sorry for our loss and I know we could never turned back in time
But if you ever wants to connect again,
You are in it for a wild story, maybe another podcast.

#mentalhealth

Jul 2024 · 72

Exodus 33:15

lilpoiein Jul 2024

Exodus 33:15

Took a break from life
Because life almost took me away
Now I’m moving along again
It was draining when I had to pause
Because it never happened before
It felt like a crash a sudden abrupt stop
I was left alone and lost
But after 3 years I found life again
The life God gave me in 2003
And now everyday I just want to go only if he’s with me.

Jul 2024 · 68

Core

lilpoiein Jul 2024

Core

We are not the center of our Universe.
You are not at the center of it all.
Jesus Christ should take center of it all.
He holds all things together.
He’s the true center of it all.

Jul 2024 · 69

I also had iPod and iPod touch

lilpoiein Jul 2024

I also had iPod and iPod touch

Music was very much part of my life
I grew up with a Walkman and a mp3 player
I listens to my parents favourite songs
It brought me through places
It played the right beat at the right time
It hid me in low times
And it even brought me to my lowest point in life
When I was feeling high and unconscious
It was quite a journey
I almost gave up on music but it saved me again

Jul 2024 · 60

Ew

lilpoiein Jul 2024

Ew

We just cannot clicked,
We are just blood related,
That’s fine, we don’t have to live in relation to each other.
What’s the point, we never changed for the other.
What’s the point, if you’ve never been there to raise me up or to see me grow up.
Anyway it doesn’t changed the past,
And I don’t have any hope for our future.

Jul 2024 · 55

You are love not by your doing

lilpoiein Jul 2024

You are love not by your doing

You don't have to.
Stop.

Your value is not
In your work,
In your past,
In your finance,
In your relationship.

You don't have to earn anything,
Your being is your value.

You are loved without
any works of your own.

Jul 2024 · 75

Untitled

lilpoiein Jul 2024

Untitled

I am not self-made.
I am God-made.
I belong in Christ.

Apr 2024 · 99

Sucks for me

lilpoiein Apr 2024

***** for me

My home is a mess
literally and emotionally
I think my dad secretly hates me
Just like how I’ve hated my dad all these while
Absent father, no emotional support
My mother care too much, and always invalidates my emotions and experiences
What’s the point of giving birth,
If you’re not going to support the child?
Why was I even born into this unhealthy family
***** for me

#rant

Mar 2024 · 69

Untitled

lilpoiein Mar 2024

Untitled

I can.
I am creative.
I can create.

Mar 2024 · 56

Untitled 3

lilpoiein Mar 2024

Untitled 3

I declare I’m a masterpiece.
If you say so, so it will be.
Only your truth matters.
PTL.

Mar 2024 · 157

New beginning

lilpoiein Mar 2024

New beginning

My 20s is ending.
I did nothing to savour it.
I was chasing and I rolled down a hill.
Haha… at least I could laugh it off…

I was caught off guard.
I need new alignments.
30s would be a brand new start.
Literally.

Nov 2023 · 294

DDI29

lilpoiein Nov 2023

DDI29

Baby steps
It’s not a game
It’s not a race
It’s a at your own pace
Kinda path
Relax and don’t overthink

Nov 2022 · 2.9k

Wasn’t me

lilpoiein Nov 2022

Wasn’t me

I kept thinking that was me
But that wasn’t me
That wasn’t me
Who was I then
If that wasn’t me

I couldn’t comprehend
I couldn’t come to terms

It felt so real, all the thoughts
All the imagination, it felt like me

But it wasn’t me

#mentalhealth #schizophrenia

Apr 2022 · 149

Highs

lilpoiein Apr 2022

Highs

Ah yes!
I couldn’t maintain the highs
The waves of the low hits me hard
I couldn’t hold it together
And it kept trying to take me away
I almost…

Apr 2022 · 142

Okay

lilpoiein Apr 2022

Okay

When I’m okay
Time will tell
Maybe when I stop reminiscing my old self

Slowly slowly
When I’m okay
Good or no good also passed already

Feb 2022 · 639

Affirmation Day

lilpoiein Feb 2022

Affirmation Day

Repeat after me:

Feb 2022 · 301

Fluffy

lilpoiein Feb 2022

Fluffy

They say dreams are clouds
Evaporates
Fluffy and just nice to look at

Dec 2021 · 449

Phase 3

lilpoiein Dec 2021

Phase 3

Out of my comfort zone
Where is my safest place

Unwind and slow down
Catch yourself on
Tell yourself kind words

Antidepressants episodes
Staying afloat

Dec 2021 · 334

Ask for help

lilpoiein Dec 2021

Ask for help

Self love
Self care
Reminder
The topic all over again
A healing journey

2 weeks medical leaves
Taking time off to recalibrate

For your best interests
Articulate your experience
And emotions

Jun 2021 · 153

Psychosis

lilpoiein Jun 2021

Psychosis

Irrational thoughts
Lost inside my head

Paranoid, delusional, hallucinations
Something really bad

A few episodes
Living with voices
Talking to them

Electroconvulsive therapy
Controlling, something is lost

Wanna keep talking about it
Never the same as before
I want back myself

Pain, trauma, suicidal
Sometimes moving on
Thinking of a new start
Sometimes stuck in the same cycle

#mental #health

Dec 2019 · 147

ilysb

lilpoiein Dec 2019

ilysb

It's the time of the day again,
do not disturb the mode
I can get away with
and stay in with no one

Days like this
I live a slower pace,
the intimacy is mine
and I have vague plans

I set the mood with
my love-making playlist,
"grown-up lullaby"
laid-back and mellow beats,
lately is what I'm into

(private conversation)
Don't tell me, "I love you" do I love you

It's a safe space here

Long-term benefits,
so multidimensional just me
and what's on my mind

God knows I swear
and everything is alright

Mar 2019 · 171

Untitled 2

lilpoiein Mar 2019

Untitled 2

I am your work of art.
Your masterpiece.

Jun 2018 · 195

hiatus for 365

lilpoiein Jun 2018

hiatus for 365

covers of clouds
i'm still blooming
it's still midsummer madness

(10 words)

Jan 2017 · 547

hand-made paper boat

lilpoiein Jan 2017

hand-made paper boat

The wind blew
The paper boat sailed
I did not hold back
And you let it sail...

Jan 2017 · 464

Untitled

lilpoiein Jan 2017

Untitled

We couldn't enjoy long silence together.
We couldn't enjoy long distance together.
We couldn't enjoy the idea of love altogether.

Jan 2017 · 610

Untitled

lilpoiein Jan 2017

Untitled

I wish you see through me. Like looking beneath the water. All you see was the reflection you picked up from the surface of the water. Nothing you see is quite like me. Needlessly, nothing was done for a deeper plunge.

Jan 2017 · 395

Untitled

lilpoiein Jan 2017

Untitled

We couldn't grow together.
I am like wheat.
You are like ****.

Dec 2016 · 610

No new year

lilpoiein Dec 2016

No new year

Every month is a new month.
Everyday is a new day.

Dec 2016 · 621

Something like something sweet nothing

lilpoiein Dec 2016

Something like something sweet nothing

We are only as close as we allow.
It's true we've gotten closer and it's true we will never be together.
It's true; Love is the ultimate unreasonable activity.

It's adorably cruel.

Dec 2016 · 403

What can I do but dream

lilpoiein Dec 2016

What can I do but dream

One glance and you can see my dreams arranged admirably on my bookshelf in such a way that it looks like it's only for display. As of now.

As of now, a collector of dreams.
Some people say, never to tell your dreams...
As of now, I'm tired of dreaming.
Some people say, you will never wake up from your tired dreams...
As of now, dream on

Dec 2016 · 366

I pretentiously water you

lilpoiein Dec 2016

I pretentiously water you

I am a flower.
A decorative.
In a corner of a room.
I am a vein plant.
I have a purpose.
To be aesthetic.

You see me alive.
You see me well.
I don't die.
I am plastic.

I know you.
You only want me to be a still art.
A silent watch.
In a corner of a room.

Dec 2016 · 295

Private reading

lilpoiein Dec 2016

Private reading

I live a private life.
Everything I say is a private thing.

The more you know about me,
The more you don't want to know about me,
The more you don't know about me,
The more you want to know about me,

You almost know me and that is a scary thing.
Most people don't read far.
Most people won't pick me up again.

Most people think is,
Weird mystery, weird music, weird everything.

Place me on your fancy bookshelf.

Dec 2016 · 319

You little shit

lilpoiein Dec 2016

You little ****

Those loverlike they ran away.
Such is a foul play of fondness.
Such is a psychological rebellious.
Such is a complicatarded relationshit.

Oct 2016 · 239

Untitled

lilpoiein Oct 2016

Untitled

You make me breathe too hard
You make me stop breathing

You make me breathe too deep
You make me love to hate
You make me cry and hurt too deep
You make me fall deep
You make me anticipate on ground zero

You make me sick
You make me work for love
You make me tired

You make me hate to love

Oct 2016 · 400

A foul play of fondness

lilpoiein Oct 2016

A foul play of fondness

They found a quaint vacation spot.
They felt so much like something but of only a microscopic vision; through their idealist imagination it was so much of a grandeur encounter.

Feel too much but your presence still disappear. Troubled naked eyes; stop acting so curious. Stop being mysterious. The bloodshed love, your psychological fears. A close heuristic encounter.

Those loverlike they ran away.

Oct 2016 · 322

#goal part 5

lilpoiein Oct 2016

#goal part 5

My highest ambition, hopefully my forever joy.
In my goal and sweat, my proudest.
I choose to point it back to you.

I am feeling movement as you rise
and I sink in the ocean depth.

Stroke
By
Stroke

I will swim

Oct 2016 · 229

Heartache shape

lilpoiein Oct 2016

Heartache shape

Love is hard to imagine
Love is the hardest to keep
Love is the hardest to give
Love is simple
Love is deep
Love is everything I wish I could do
Love is real

Love is a choice

Sep 2016 · 257

I am entitled to whatever

lilpoiein Sep 2016

I am entitled to whatever

think of me whatever
say of me whatever
because I am whatever

This will remain the same forever

Sep 2016 · 705

My life starts later

lilpoiein Sep 2016

My life starts later

My night ends late
And my morning starts late

*Nocturnal late bloomer

Sep 2016 · 223

Deliver me from evil

lilpoiein Sep 2016

Deliver me from evil

The day I turn my ways against you.
The day I fall short of my ambition.
On the day, cast me not away.
The day, my fellow sisters and brothers pray for me.
That ye may be able to stand strong in my weakness.
For only He can make me, me.

Sep 2016 · 348

tonight again, i am with myself

lilpoiein Sep 2016

tonight again, i am with myself

many times i disagree with myself
but
many nights i find myself with the same impression
that the nights are the most beautiful hours of the time
... the quietest
... the stillness
you cannot find in a busy afternoon

The nights
Are the perfect company
For myself

but
many times i am still in denial that there is a perfect time for myself

Aug 2016 · 332

#goal part4

lilpoiein Aug 2016

#goal part4

Critic says...
People muddle at what you are doing.
A crowd is displaying signs of apathy.
Scrutiny is upon you, fear you will be.

Comment says...
"Some people are poorer than your dreams;
they are ambitiously bankrupt."
"Many people doing the same art."
"Is not for everyone."
"She's just doing."
"Not my fancy. "
"I hate that the idea exist."
"You gotta get love and you gotta get hate for the things you love to do."

I say...
My pleasure is not in pleasing you.

Aug 2016 · 287

#goal part3

lilpoiein Aug 2016

#goal part3

I am ready. Godspeed.
In labour of love, even as a professional amateur.
Feeling ambitious... Getting ready to swim for that.

stroke
by
stroke

Jul 2016 · 276

#goal part2

lilpoiein Jul 2016

#goal part2

I'm poorer than my dreams.
My 99% sweat can't afford to beat $€¥¢
even if I swim for that.

Jul 2016 · 512

Forever your child

lilpoiein Jul 2016

Forever your child

Old enough to be grateful for what you've provided for me.

Old enough to take care and think for myself.

Old enough to say farewell to you.

And old enough to know I am still afraid of losing you.

Jul 2016 · 267

Untitled

lilpoiein Jul 2016

Untitled

If I fall...
I might fall off...

Jul 2016 · 268

You..

lilpoiein Jul 2016

You..

I'm thinking...

I want to ask...
Are you alright?

(I am concern)