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lilpoiein Aug 7
Everything is embarrassing
You’re always at the back of my mind
I almost died of embarrassment

Everything that you’ve experienced was not the real experience of who I am
I’ve been wanting to tell you what you’ve experienced but it never happened

I never had the chance
I am sorry for our loss and I know we could never turned back in time
But if you ever wants to connect again,
You are in it for a wild story, maybe another podcast.
#mentalhealth
Jul 24 · 55
Exodus 33:15
lilpoiein Jul 24
Took a break from life
Because life almost took me away
Now I’m moving along again
It was draining when I had to pause
Because it never happened before
It felt like a crash a sudden abrupt stop
I was left alone and lost
But after 3 years I found life again
The life God gave me in 2003
And now everyday I just want to go only if he’s with me.
Jul 24 · 51
Core
lilpoiein Jul 24
We are not the center of our Universe.
You are not at the center of it all.
Jesus Christ should take center of it all.
He holds all things together.
He’s the true center of it all.
lilpoiein Jul 24
Music was very much part of my life
I grew up with a Walkman and a mp3 player
I listens to my parents favourite songs
It brought me through places
It played the right beat at the right time
It hid me in low times
And it even brought me to my lowest point in life
When I was feeling high and unconscious
It was quite a journey
I almost gave up on music but it saved me again
Jul 24 · 47
Ew
lilpoiein Jul 24
Ew
We just cannot clicked,
We are just blood related,
That’s fine, we don’t have to live in relation to each other.
What’s the point, we never changed for the other.
What’s the point, if you’ve never been there to raise me up or to see me grow up.
Anyway it doesn’t changed the past,
And I don’t have any hope for our future.
lilpoiein Jul 24
You don't have to.
Stop.

Your value is not
In your work,
In your past,
In your finance,
In your relationship.

You don't have to earn anything,
Your being is your value.

You are loved without
any works of your own.
Jul 24 · 54
Untitled
lilpoiein Jul 24
I am not self-made.
I am God-made.
I belong in Christ.
Apr 6 · 80
Sucks for me
lilpoiein Apr 6
My home is a mess
literally and emotionally
I think my dad secretly hates me
Just like how I’ve hated my dad all these while
Absent father, no emotional support
My mother care too much, and always invalidates my emotions and experiences
What’s the point of giving birth,
If you’re not going to support the child?
Why was I even born into this unhealthy family
***** for me
Mar 10 · 61
Untitled
lilpoiein Mar 10
I can.
I am creative.
I can create.
Mar 10 · 51
Untitled 3
lilpoiein Mar 10
I declare I’m a masterpiece.
If you say so, so it will be.
Only your truth matters.
PTL.
Mar 4 · 150
New beginning
lilpoiein Mar 4
My 20s is ending.
I did nothing to savour it.
I was chasing and I rolled down a hill.
Haha… at least I could laugh it off…

I was caught off guard.
I need new alignments.
30s would be a brand new start.
Literally.
Nov 2023 · 286
DDI29
lilpoiein Nov 2023
Baby steps
It’s not a game
It’s not a race
It’s a at your own pace
Kinda path
Relax and don’t overthink
Nov 2022 · 2.8k
Wasn’t me
lilpoiein Nov 2022
I kept thinking that was me
But that wasn’t me
That wasn’t me
Who was I then
If that wasn’t me

I couldn’t comprehend
I couldn’t come to terms

It felt so real, all the thoughts
All the imagination, it felt like me

But it wasn’t me
Apr 2022 · 138
Highs
lilpoiein Apr 2022
Ah yes!
I couldn’t maintain the highs
The waves of the low hits me hard
I couldn’t hold it together
And it kept trying to take me away
I almost…
Apr 2022 · 139
Okay
lilpoiein Apr 2022
When I’m okay
Time will tell
Maybe when I stop reminiscing my old self

Slowly slowly
When I’m okay
Good or no good also passed already
Feb 2022 · 617
Affirmation Day
lilpoiein Feb 2022
Repeat after me:
Feb 2022 · 297
Fluffy
lilpoiein Feb 2022
They say dreams are clouds
Evaporates
Fluffy and just nice to look at
Dec 2021 · 446
Phase 3
lilpoiein Dec 2021
Out of my comfort zone
Where is my safest place

Unwind and slow down
Catch yourself on
Tell yourself kind words

Antidepressants episodes
Staying afloat
Dec 2021 · 306
Ask for help
lilpoiein Dec 2021
Self love
Self care
Reminder
The topic all over again
A healing journey

2 weeks medical leaves
Taking time off to recalibrate

For your best interests
Articulate your experience
And emotions
Jun 2021 · 140
Psychosis
lilpoiein Jun 2021
Irrational thoughts
Lost inside my head

Paranoid, delusional, hallucinations
Something really bad

A few episodes
Living with voices
Talking to them

Electroconvulsive therapy
Controlling, something is lost

Wanna keep talking about it
Never the same as before
I want back myself

Pain, trauma, suicidal
Sometimes moving on
Thinking of a new start
Sometimes stuck in the same cycle
Dec 2019 · 142
ilysb
lilpoiein Dec 2019
It's the time of the day again,
do not disturb the mode
I can get away with
and stay in with no one

Days like this
I live a slower pace,
the intimacy is mine
and I have vague plans

I set the mood with
my love-making playlist,
"grown-up lullaby"
laid-back and mellow beats,
lately is what I'm into

(private conversation)
Don't tell me, "I love you" do I love you

It's a safe space here

Long-term benefits,
so multidimensional just me
and what's on my mind

God knows I swear
and everything is alright
Mar 2019 · 158
Untitled 2
lilpoiein Mar 2019
I am your work of art.
Your masterpiece.
Jun 2018 · 189
hiatus for 365
lilpoiein Jun 2018
covers of clouds
i'm still blooming
it's still midsummer madness
(10 words)
Jan 2017 · 537
hand-made paper boat
lilpoiein Jan 2017
The wind blew
The paper boat sailed
I did not hold back
And you let it sail...
Jan 2017 · 459
Untitled
lilpoiein Jan 2017
We couldn't enjoy long silence together.
We couldn't enjoy long distance together.
We couldn't enjoy the idea of love altogether.
Jan 2017 · 601
Untitled
lilpoiein Jan 2017
I wish you see through me. Like looking beneath the water. All you see was the reflection you picked up from the surface of the water. Nothing you see is quite like me. Needlessly, nothing was done for a deeper plunge.
Jan 2017 · 388
Untitled
lilpoiein Jan 2017
We couldn't grow together.
I am like wheat.
You are like ****.
Dec 2016 · 596
No new year
lilpoiein Dec 2016
Every month is a new month.
Everyday is a new day.
lilpoiein Dec 2016
We are only as close as we allow.
It's true we've gotten closer and it's true we will never be together.
It's true; Love is the ultimate unreasonable activity.

It's adorably cruel.
Dec 2016 · 394
What can I do but dream
lilpoiein Dec 2016
One glance and you can see my dreams arranged admirably on my bookshelf in such a way that it looks like it's only for display. As of now.

As of now, a collector of dreams.
Some people say, never to tell your dreams...
As of now, I'm tired of dreaming.
Some people say, you will never wake up from your tired dreams...
As of now, dream on
Dec 2016 · 351
I pretentiously water you
lilpoiein Dec 2016
I am a flower.
A decorative.
In a corner of a room.
I am a vein plant.
I have a purpose.
To be aesthetic.

You see me alive.
You see me well.
I don't die.
I am plastic.

I know you.
You only want me to be a still art.
A silent watch.
In a corner of a room.
Dec 2016 · 292
Private reading
lilpoiein Dec 2016
I live a private life.
Everything I say is a private thing.

The more you know about me,
The more you don't want to know about me,
The more you don't know about me,
The more you want to know about me,

You almost know me and that is a scary thing.
Most people don't read far.
Most people won't pick me up again.

Most people think is,
Weird mystery, weird music, weird everything.

Place me on your fancy bookshelf.
Dec 2016 · 304
You little shit
lilpoiein Dec 2016
Those loverlike they ran away.
Such is a foul play of fondness.
Such is a psychological rebellious.
Such is a complicatarded relationshit.
Oct 2016 · 234
Untitled
lilpoiein Oct 2016
You make me breathe too hard
You make me stop breathing

You make me breathe too deep
You make me love to hate
You make me cry and hurt too deep
You make me fall deep
You make me anticipate on ground zero

You make me sick
You make me work for love
You make me tired

You make me hate to love
Oct 2016 · 395
A foul play of fondness
lilpoiein Oct 2016
They found a quaint vacation spot.
They felt so much like something but of only a microscopic vision; through their idealist imagination it was so much of a grandeur encounter.

Feel too much but your presence still disappear. Troubled naked eyes; stop acting so curious. Stop being mysterious. The bloodshed love, your psychological fears. A close heuristic encounter.

Those loverlike they ran away.
Oct 2016 · 317
#goal part 5
lilpoiein Oct 2016
My highest ambition, hopefully my forever joy.
In my goal and sweat, my proudest.
I choose to point it back to you.

I am feeling movement as you rise
and I sink in the ocean depth.

Stroke
By
Stroke

I will swim
Oct 2016 · 225
Heartache shape
lilpoiein Oct 2016
Love is hard to imagine
Love is the hardest to keep
Love is the hardest to give
Love is simple
Love is deep
Love is everything I wish I could do
Love is real
Love is a choice
Sep 2016 · 253
I am entitled to whatever
lilpoiein Sep 2016
think of me whatever
say of me whatever
because I am whatever
This will remain the same forever
Sep 2016 · 684
My life starts later
lilpoiein Sep 2016
My night ends late
And my morning starts late

*Nocturnal late bloomer
Sep 2016 · 216
Deliver me from evil
lilpoiein Sep 2016
The day I turn my ways against you.
The day I fall short of my ambition.
On the day, cast me not away.
The day, my fellow sisters and brothers pray for me.
That ye may be able to stand strong in my weakness.
For only He can make me, me.
lilpoiein Sep 2016
many times i disagree with myself
but
many nights i find myself with the same impression
that the nights are the most beautiful hours of the time
... the quietest
... the stillness
you cannot find in a busy afternoon

The nights
Are the perfect company
For myself

but
many times i am still in denial that there is a perfect time for myself
Aug 2016 · 325
#goal part4
lilpoiein Aug 2016
Critic says...
People muddle at what you are doing.
A crowd is displaying signs of apathy.
Scrutiny is upon you, fear you will be.

Comment says...
"Some people are poorer than your dreams;
  they are ambitiously bankrupt."
"Many people doing the same art."
"Is not for everyone."
"She's just doing."
"Not my fancy. "
"I hate that the idea exist."
"You gotta get love and you gotta get hate for the things you love to do."

I say...
My pleasure is not in pleasing you.
Aug 2016 · 281
#goal part3
lilpoiein Aug 2016
I am ready. Godspeed.
In labour of love, even as a professional amateur.
Feeling ambitious... Getting ready to swim for that.

stroke
by
stroke
Jul 2016 · 269
#goal part2
lilpoiein Jul 2016
I'm poorer than my dreams.
My 99% sweat can't afford to beat $€¥¢
even if I swim for that.
Jul 2016 · 505
Forever your child
lilpoiein Jul 2016
Old enough to be grateful for what you've provided for me.

Old enough to take care and think for myself.

Old enough to say farewell to you.

And old enough to know I am still afraid of losing you.
Jul 2016 · 255
Untitled
lilpoiein Jul 2016
If I fall...
I might fall off...
Jul 2016 · 258
You..
lilpoiein Jul 2016
I'm thinking...

I want to ask...
Are you alright?

(I am concern)
Jul 2016 · 248
Optional
lilpoiein Jul 2016
Maybe you know me,

Perhaps you could comfort me,

Probably shouldn't be asking further more,

Just show me you love me,

You already know that's what I need,

A deeper love between us.
Jun 2016 · 259
ILY
lilpoiein Jun 2016
ILY
It is easier to have attraction to things.
You can buy it with a 2 year guarantee.
You don't even need to be in a relationship.
Isn't it easier to love things?
Jun 2016 · 254
one life to breathe
lilpoiein Jun 2016
a poem of one deep breath
a poem of words that has breath

the words that are left
are a poem of final breath
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