How will I get home from here?
Back to my sweet serenity I love so much
Where does this stop
Is there an end??
I feel like I’m falling down a spiraling shaft
Plummeting to my death in the rocks below
There’s no fix for this, at least it doesn’t feel like it…
I need a hand, a strong place to be
I need that glimmer of hope
And out of nowhere…. I see it
Tall, dark, and handsome just jumps in and saves me
The spinning subsides; I can see walls and clear shapes
He’s there and waiting- holding my hand till my head clears
The dust settles, he pulls me in
That warm embrace is all I feel
A soft landing I’m looking for
All the searching, all the heartache
It can all stop now; I’ve got my safe haven
My beach in a snowstorm, the moon in the dark night sky
My strong tower that keeps me going
Protecting me from the woes of evil
Pushing me forward- urging me to continue
I feel safe and happy
I can relax, all is well, the spinning is over
Forever more I can breathe

I feel like I'm sleeping.
Never awake to handle the shock
Just riding with the flow,
Seems to never slow

Its like there's a substance
I have yet to encounter
If I go on without it
I might not survive.

Even the feeling of missing
something so important to human life,
makes me feel So full
, why? ...I don't know

I cant live with you
But without you
I will die violently
If you don't stay

Its the addiction
I know not of
The heroine to
my system of needing

Annihilate my insides
Twist my thoughts
Killing me slowly
You never hint a clue.

My heartbeat slows
my head starts to spin
I lose my speach
and cant find my legs

You make me dependant
Honing down on my thoughts
Consciousness is gone
Now Its up to you

You have the choice
pull the plug
or keep me alive
Just heads or tails to you

You act like you need me
you even say you do
But love? I feel none
Just the want of it.

You pull Me in close
only for one thing
casting me aside
Once you get what you want

Just like the rest
It feels like you are
They say you are but
You insist not

I try to decipher
who to believe
But I can't
You stole the ability

Do this and do that
Notes of discomfort
**** me slowly
Because of your problems

At times I am scared
Of what you may do
I walk on glass egg shells
Trying to please you

One day it may click
that I will want more
But until I get there
Your keeping score.

We fight and we scream
worry about all
there is no love
Only a lack there of

It ***** all alone
with no one beside
You keep to yourself
leaving me blind

So bring the consciousness
Don't just leave me
wake me up
before I die

I want us to live
I want a family
So keep me to love
Not to neglect.

Why aren't you better.
Why do you ****.
You said you were going to be a good wife.
Yet here you are.
Ruining the good.
Flawed as you can be.
He doesn't want you anymore
But he's not going to say it.
You share the same bed
The house is both of yours
Yet you never see each other
When you do it's not sweet
There's no cuddles
There's no couple
There's you
And there's him
Why do you do this
Why do you ****
It's not anything he did
It's you.
Bad luck.

The bruise you left upon my breast deep beneath my pallor skin,
Always crawling deep within this living corpse of a body.
The quick connect between the flesh.
Crimson color fills the canvas each slam pooling it deeper.
Windpipe restricted, held and released, gasping for air in a flush of pleasure.
Pull you in deeper begging for more, I get propelled to the floor.
Pressured down and turned around I get the brunt of your force.
The aftermath is purple and blue yet I keep coming back for more.
Its never enough just the once, I'm always aching for further abuse.

It wasn’t long before I knew
He wouldn’t stop and stare
he would take your breath away
His gaze would go through you
Straight to your soul
Like it was connected to you in a way that
Nobody could control if they tried
He wasn’t after anything in particular
Just someone to hold
Someone to love him
He needed a hand, just an offer
Say you’ll be there for him
Actually follow through
Don’t leave him there all alone
You’ve been there, that’s been you in his shoes
You know how it feels to be hurt
Abandoned by all, hope and trust demolished
You had no one to bring you back in
So don’t shut down, open your arms
Feel it with your soul
Everything in you should be open to him
He’s just like you on the inside
Hurting, lost, abandoned…
Be who you needed someone to be for you
That one person you didn’t have
Be his hope, his sun in the darkest of nights
Don’t run. This isn’t about you. It’s about him
Be selfless. He needs you to be there
And God knows you need him too

What am I to you?
You go against everything you say to me.
You say I’m perfect,  
You say you love me,
You go back and I do all wrong.
By all means, that’s fine.
But your tact, you lack.
You voice you want me to stay,
Don’t want me to disappear
But your actions and tone,
The body says go.
You push me away,
Yet beg me to stay.
I’m tied in knots trying to keep up
This constant turmoil makes me sick.
Over and under, around then back,
The obstacle course is ridiculous,
Near impossible to navigate.
I need a map, an autopilot to get me home
But that used to be you,
You used to be there, catch me if I fall.
Kept me from tears, being that safe haven I needed.
And yet here we are, pure turmoil.
We should have never argued.
It would have been simple.
All good things come to an end,
Some clean, some a wreck.
Stumbling into the wreck
You claim you love me and will ne’er leave.
Contrary you push me to go.
So decide your stand.
You don’t get both, choose
It’s me…
Or I’m gone.

Your the ******* worst sometimes.
If you want a family you shouldn't have started your career. You can't have both.
******* ****
*****.
*****
I wish I'd never met you
Why am I still here. You don't care.
All you do is lie to me. Get my hopes up and crush them.
I wish you'd die.
You're just like the others.
All you do is hurt me

Stop. Ignore.
Remove the negative from those who can't see.

You are beautiful.
You are kind.
Your love is deep and strong.
You don't put up with ****.
Head up.
Tears gone.
You are the best you can be.
Perfection