The moment i realize you're gone, is the moment I die.
More correctly, the person I was dies.
Because who I was with you, was something entirely different than I ever was.
When you left, she was put at a stand still.
Waiting.
But as soon as she knows we're through?
She'll be gone.

Sure, I could meet someone else but they will never be the same as her.
She was something I can't describe.
She was a best friend.
She and I got very close but now,
I can't do anything to save her.

I'm watching her die in front of me,
Very painfully.
Very Slowly.
All she says is,
"Be strong. Be strong.
You can do this.
Smile through it.
I love you..
I always did..
He always did."
And I just have to look down and
Be strong.
And
Smile.
And say I love you too.
And say,
But I don't believe you.

That person will die..
And I will have to bury her.
Then I will grieve.
Then I will move on.
And when I think about her, the person I was with you,
When I think about you.
I'll be a little sad.
But then,
There will be a new me.

A me with no one.
Because this time I'll make me,
And I won't let anyone get close.
I'll travel,
I'll see the stars but from different countries.
I'll look at the horizon from the top of a mountain.
One I climbed,
By myself.
On journeys I took,
By myself.

Because I loved the person I had become.
But losing another person like her will hurt.
Very much.

Plus,
The person you are?
Is the only person,
My person wants.

I may disagree with you sometimes but,
I'd still rather have that,
Than anybody in the world.
Because right now?
It's you,
Or nothing.

I don't want,
Anyone else.
I want you.

So I'll wait.
Waiting with a girl I love,
Me,
As she slowly dies.
No amount of fundraisers
Or spread of awareness can help her.
She and I are waiting,
And waiting...
Waiting to see,
If you will bring her
The medication to save her.
The one drug she needs to save her is something,
Only you can provide.

Yourself.

I am free
Free as a bee
Free to be.
Whoever I say
Is me.

I can be by myself

I am strong.
Stronger than the gust of wind trying to knock me down.
Stronger than the comments of society that say I can't do it.
Stronger than the fear within us all try to rip out our hearts and tear through us.
Stronger than I ever needed to be,
Because I wanted to be.

I am content.
Content with my life and the way I'm living it, which is probably different than yours.
Content with my body so that when I walk by in the dress that I bought because it was on sale and cute as hell and you make comments, I smile and say it's great isn't it?
Content with the family I have, and the friends I surround myself with.
Content with the job I have, whether or not I have people who treat me like a dog because I'm a server.
I'm content with my late night Netflix binges, and my early morning runs.
I'm content with life.

I'm mentally independent.
Independent enough that I know at the end of the day I just need me.
Independent enough to know that I can be there for myself.
Independent enough that being there for others is a great joy and privilege.
Independent enough that I can go eat at a restaurant alone.
Independent enough that I can spend my own money on myself.

I don't NEED anyone.
If you're in my life, it's by choice.
I WANT you there.
So don't lose that privilege.
I've gotten rid of people who didn't appreciate me and who left me out to dry.
Don't think you're an exception.
You wanna be in my life?
Show me.

To the guy who always....
Is there.

To the guy who's always supporting me, when i think I might fall.
The guy who is kinder than words can say.

The guy who makes me feel like I am the queen of a planet.
To the guy who makes me feel like I can do anything.

To the guy with the true laugh,
The true smile.
The guy who I know would, for me, go an extra mile.

To the guy who holds me in his arms,
When the tears of depression, anxiety and other things I can't control burst forth from behind the dam I tried to build.

This is to the guy who tries so hard to make me happy,
To the guy who DOES make me happy.
That's the guy I want.
That's the guy you are.

I know I mess up.
I know you mess up.
But...
Life is messy.
I don't mind cleaning things up with you.

Just so they can get messy again.
Over
And
Over.

Because whether life is clean,
Or messy.

If I'm with you I'd love it all.

It's like weather.
We can dance in the rain and snow, play in the mud, enjoy the sunshine, and hide together from the hail.
The most important part is that even if we don't dance in the rain we can share the umbrella.

I'm not a meteorologist
I don't always know what the weather is gonna be like.
But I promise you
I'll be there in all weather patterns.
So let's look to the sky.

Make shapes out of the clouds.
Like our future, so far away.
But hey,
We're just describing what we see.
They're just clouds,
Floating in the breeze.
Distant possibilities.
For you.
And me.

I spend all of my days, serving.
I wipe tables,
Sweep the floor,
Fix broken things,
Clean the windows.
I make people feel at home,
Feel like everything is taken care of.
I take away the mess. The dirt.
I make everything nice,
And pretty.

But I'm starting to think you're the server now.
You took away my "dirt," my problems.
You fixed my broken parts.
You took care of me,
And made me feel safe.

So what do you say?
Let's wait on each other.

Maybe you aren't a waiter.
Maybe you're a tree.
Through all the seasons, you're still there.

Maybe you're a love song,
Giving me hope and a sense of longing.

Perhaps you're an artist,
Painting the red colors of my cheeks.

Or are you a doctor?
Checking my heart and noticing it's beating very fast, for you.

Or maybe you're just you.
A man who loves me,
Takes care of me,
Cherishes me,
Supports me
And makes me laugh.

You teach me how to love
every
single
day.

When we lay next to each other,
I can't tell where I end and
You begin.

So maybe I don't know what you are,
But I do know,
Who you are.

paper dolls
far and wide
walking around
looking perfect
drawn faces
all the same
acutely flat
enough to slice
I’m not flat
or perfect
so I can’t fit
in paper town
I’ve lost hope
to find love
I’ll just take grief
and papercuts
must be an angel’s grace
to see her standing there
someone else lost in paper town
with her own scars from paper dolls
her face is real, not drawn
it’s a lonely blue light
in a whitewashed crowd of static
dolls wearing their brightest faces
I know that she’s not flat
and she is not perfect
because I know how deep she is
but I could just jump in and dive
I take her by the hand
soft and painless for once
while we trade our sorrows and joys
feelings too heavy for paper

She stands elicited with fear
She holds a heart in her hands
So fragile, so loving
It's glorious

It's the most delicate thing she will ever hold.
He trusted her with it.
He handed it to her and said
/keep it safe/

So she did
She held her own heart in her left hand

And with her right
She took his heart and put it where hers used to be

He had his hands out for hers

But she was still holding onto it.
Holding on like you would
In the middle of a hurricane.
Holding on like death was at your door
And you were trying to sneak out the back
Holding on because
She was frightened

But she looked in those eyes
A sky full of blue
Full of hope and something she didn't know
And she held out her heart

But she was still frightened, still scared.
Afraid, afraid he'd throw it...

But,
He didn't.
He took it as careful as possible and put it where his used to be.

They had one another's hearts.
And for once,
Neither one of them were shattered.

The scars they shine so bright
What's the use, why try to fight
I hate myself I should die tonight
I shouldn't be here it's not right

Blades are red, my arms are too
I'm so awful not sure what to do
I need someone, not sure who
Someone to call to say I love you

All this I say, it is in the past
The bad thoughts I have don't usually last
Some people stay but most are gone fast
Not much here for me to cast

Not much good here I understand
I'm not that amazing not so grand
But I'll stick by you even when not planned
I'm loyal even if I am bland

I'll love you with every inch of my being
I'll show you yourself, that you are worth seeing
I really hope after you see me you won't be fleeing
For you your insecurity is something you should be freeing

So the past is the past and I shouldn't go back
I'm better now, I think, no longer under attack
I'm still afraid one day it'll all go black
I'll go back to my old ways and my stuff they will pack

One day I'll be all alone again
No more people, no more friends
I'm still afraid just as I was then
This will happen, not if but when

Now this all comes to a close
No more time, it just goes

I see them one last time and say hi
They don't know it I want to cry
This is the last time I will say goodbye
Tonight is the night that I die

Few seconds left I close my eyes
Blackness covers I let out few sighs
I think of those few with which I had ties
I drift off as my body dies