she would not look me in the eyes
as i pretend to be
the person whom she coveted;
the man she used to see

nor night or day, will I think less
of her as time goes on
yet he remains inside her head
from dusk to break of dawn

perhaps, i think, in solitude
she will move on from him,
but it is i that she neglects
and leaves upon a whim

one day he showed up at our door
much to her surprise
and outlined our last couple days
before our grand demise

who would have thought that she
would try to run away
and have the courage to **** me
on the exact same day?

alas, ‘tis not a fairy tale,
she would not get her way,
for the same day that I had died,
she, too, would pass away

our daughter whom shall wake alone
when the night is done
in shock will find the corpses of
her beloved ones

what will she think of this mess
when she looks down to see
the blood and her lifeless parents
engulfed in tragedy

you see, the man who had shown up
dropped by to say hello,
my wife, who still had loved this man,
did not want him to go.

so that same night, she called to me
and said she would leave soon,
to pursue the man who had left,
under the the naked moon.

i tried to talk her out of it,
But she would not listen,
and as we started to argue,
her tears would then glisten

in rage, she grabbed a nearby knife
and lunged at my bare neck
but in the process, fallen down
and missed me by a thread.

at this time, she had broke down
and would not stop crying
then turned the knife onto herself
and died where i was lying.

I took the knife, and turned it to
myself as i had sobbed
Would I let my wife go alone
To Hell? is what i thought

But is it not somewhat funny
Attempted homocide
Turned tragically into what was
A double suicide.

Because I am such a short girl
Perhaps you cannot see
That the love I have for you is true;
You are my destiny.

You said you only like tall girls
And I look like a twig
But where my height may lack, my heart
At least stands twice as big.

Those other girls are heartbreakers,
They’d never think of you,
They paint themselves as art sculptures
And force you to think too.

They’d never think of sacrifice
They’d never think of needs
All I would do is fall for you;
This beating heart still bleeds!

So with this rope, I’ll stand up proud,
And have it break my fall,
I’ll feel like I am on a cloud,
And happy to be tall.

If it had been a heart attack
There would have been a chance,
But in its stead the news I heard
Had wiped hope at first glance.

If you were family, by that
I mean if I was fair,
I would have treated you with love
And been there in despair

I would have been a son to you,
I would have heard you out,
I would have cooked and drank with you,
I should have with no doubt.

Last week I should have stopped to say
Goodbye for one last time,
Instead I said hello and left,
Regret is now all mine.

For all the times I’ve told others
That family comes first,
It’s criminal how I neglect
The one who was most hurt.

I always said that I can wait
To say what should be said
But now, tonight, a hypocrite
I am to be instead.

I am the son you never had.
I’m sad, I must confess,
I was not what you had deserved,
But you loved me no less.

Farewell, so long, my dear Uncle
The words I should have said
Are hastily scribbled in
A poem to the dead.

On my ship, I set sail,
To where Musashi had failed,
In search of a spot to rest my head
Upon a foreign seabed.
As I leave the city port
I cast my eyes homeward in farewell
And catch a glimpse upon a cliff
Of a canvas on an easel.
Perched upon a little chair,
I spot a girl with paint at hand,
Who takes a pause to watch the sea
Part and mend at my hull’s command.

I crease my sailor cap and raise it high,
And wave to her as I pass by.
She returns to me a gentle stare
And dips her brush in paint with care.
My wandering eye is now affixed
Upon the glow of this fading girl
Whose eyes meet mine for brief moments
To watch my fleeting goodbye unfurl.
Who does she see, from on that cliff?
What boy will she now paint?
Will she remember how I look?
Or keep my features vague and faint?

Her cliff now sinks beneath the sea
To rise again, from under me,
As this ship goes from trough to crest,
Riding waves for seas southwest.
The waves now pull me off, adrift,
To oceans foreign, to currents stiff,
Trapped within the torrent’s pull
Where a storm awaits in full.
I wonder when she turns to the sea
Does the breeze redden the skin of her cheeks?
Does she watch the rolling clouds
Blend with the white of the crashing tide
And find herself somewhat resigned
To a deepening sadness trapped inside?
How will she remember me?
What will that painting look like when it is done?
How long will she think of the boy floating away
On a sailing ship set toward the sun?

It will be fine if I am here
It’s just a little jump
A sudden drop with naught to fear
That ends with a soft thump.

The ***** soles of our tired feet
Are pricked by broken glass
Our skin is burned by summer heat
And obstacles we pass

Our racing hearts will catch no rest
With night just on our heels
To make it we’ll have to do our best
Despite how hard it feels

How odd it is to run so far
So we could be right here
We run on foot, they chase by car,
But now, nothing to fear.

With one more step, we’ll be happy
The fall won’t hurt us much.
Upon a cliff, and by the sea
Wrapped in a loving clutch.

Someone quick, please come with me
The admiral’s been shot
The bandage did not stop the blood
That’s pouring out his gut.
I’ve tried two times, to sedate him
With whisky and some ***
Yet no liquor nor a sailor’s tune
Showed any pain it numbed.
The rocking of the trashing waves
Has sent him into fits
Of pain, of tears, of screaming howls
Despite the teeth he grits

Where’s the surgeon, where’s the first mate?
We haven’t time to waste
I fear for what is to come
If too long we wait.
Is there no sailor on this ship
With a free hand to help?
Why is it just I who comes to aide
To the Admiral’s pained yelp?

And why with hate you hold your eyes
When I beseech for you?
Why point that gun at me, my friend?
A member of your crew?
Don’t tell me, friend, you fired the gun,
That your scrutiny,
That the deed which you had done
Was an act of mutiny
I do no-

Tonight,
I must go.
I was almost sure I belonged,
But how many more years
Should I tell myself that?
Memories of those
Long happy nights,
Make me think
What use is it to reminisce
What I, alone, can remember?

Tomorrow,
I will go out
As if nothing is amiss.
I have done so before,
But half-heartedly.
I listened closely
To see if my absence was noticed,
I had found no murmurs
No stirrings,
Not even an insult
Or a condescending remark:
It was as if I had not left at all,
And with a bruised ego,
I found out that I never had a place here.
So I rushed back
I worked hard
I did my best
And yet
I am ready to leave again
And the taste of the midnight air
Is the still the same;
I will not be missed,
Nor shall my effort be remembered.

I will be back, someday
Maybe 10,
20 years from now.
Will you wait for me?
If I silently let my years pass
And let time
Harden my fingertips
And wrinkle my face
Will you all of a sudden
Remember the passion
With which I was embroiled?
When I return
Will you welcome me again?

It’s not as if I want to go.
I must.
Like most of everyone before me,
I had found what I loved
However,
We are much too fickle to love.
Where I lack in conviction
I am sure to make up with time lost
Wondering how it could have been.

If you had ever been left behind,
Or are trying your best to move forward,
I am sure you understand
How much I want to chase you.
If only I could be happy
In your pursuit.

I will always look for you,
You are the poems I’ve committed to heart,
You are the plays that I had practiced in my bedroom,
The speeches I memorized and picked apart,
You are the sonnets I’ve tried to write,
You are the long letters I’ve never finished,
You were my sole frustration for most of my life,
I was obsessed with you,
Yet I have nothing to show for it.

I will always look for you,
However, you cannot look for me.
I will not be anywhere
But here,
Far back
Looking onwards, from the past,
At the back of your neck as it smudges in the distance
With falling leaves
Rain
Petals that lost their way
In an August gust
And the horizon
That blurs
As the sun sets.

Goodbye, goodbye,
I love you, I love you,
Perhaps I shall see you sometime again
But not now
And not ever with me.