o be young, and in love. aaah. -love, by lana del rey.

all i know is that love is the purest feeling in the world. loving the right person gives you peace.

makes me realised how beautiful… that love does not discriminate the difference between us.

it is beautiful to see how love unites us, but also disheartening seeing us separated by differences we have.

see how heartbroken it is how differences separate you from someone you truly love. and there is nothing you can do about it. you’re stuck. you’re powerless.

lowkey how I wish this is all a nightmare that I cant wait to wake up from.

I love you with all of my heart. i love you. i love you. i love you.

but **** valentine, i love you everyday. i dont need a special day to celebrate it. all the days ive spent with you are already special.

everyday is valentine day when im with you.

you are precious to me, a. you are my everyday valentine.

it was 5 April 2022.

tonight, as I reminisce the moment that day, I can't stop my lips to smile.

the eye contact we made that after 2 months apart,
and the hug at the airport like a long lost lovebirds finally reunite;
it still makes me smiling right until now.

that I can finally smell your odor again, that Versace Pour Homme suits you well. which I bought for you. makes me want to hug you longer and sniff it.
and drown my head on your shoulder.

yes, airport is the place where you can find the purest hug.

"hey."
"have you ever thoughtㅡabout where do this crazy little thing called love come from?"

"I did."

"then?"
"it comes by itself. Somehow, it also comes from the people around us.

"you mean, the circle we're in?"

"it can be."

"but how about strangers you met online?"

"it also can be."

"weird. you can't fall in love with them online."

"you can."
"and I don't care where does it come from, all I need is a love that pure and sincere. you can find it everywhere."
"oh. and you know what?"

"what?"

"that love is built, not found."

I might have tried, but guess. I'm done.
I keep trying, I keep coming in, but you build a wall on us.

I'm stucked.

Between, rather to wreck your wall or step back. To the place where I belong,

Because I know. I do realize, I'm not your home. I can't be one. And I'm not, and can't be yours either.


Sorry.

there were some growing aches, but you came and heal it.
there were some growing pains, but you replace them with your purity.
there were some illnesses, but you treat them well.
there was an aching soul, but you hold it tight.

there was my darkest time, but something lead me to a light. I never knew, you are that light.
there was me struggling, can't find my way back home. a whisper told me, you are my home.
there was me looking for something lost, then I found you back.
there was playing my puzzle, can't complete it well. but then you came, my missing puzzle piece.

there was me drowning in my world. but you held me up, save me in your arms, telling everything's fine, as long as I'm with you.

hello, I miss you very much.
but later on, you ignored me.
you left me on read.
I know you're so busy but hey?
oh. nevermind, I'm sorry if my existence and my texts disturb you.

I know, life is being hard. to me, not to you. and I need you to cheer me up but?? I want nothing. I just want you, your attention, like usual. but you came up with this. your ignorance. and that's hurts.

I never ask for money, free treats, jewels, or anything else. I just want you. I know, I'm not-so-called-a-pretty-and-hottie-girl. I'm showing you my real side. like, my love for you. lol. so cheesy.

If you're wondering out up to the sky, remember. Don't ever forget, that I'll always by your side. behind ya. I got your back. When the world's trying to bring you down, I'm here. I'll always be here for you, cheering you up, helping you with these burdens called "tugas-dari-guru-guru-terlebih-yang-killer" ehe. I'll stand by your side, I'd never leave you, trust me. Some of people may think "janji ada untuk dilanggar" but not for me.

I...I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for those times when you were burned up because of me. I'm sorry for disturbing you, just. sorry, sorry, and sorry.  sorry for my weakness.

Tolong, maafin kekuranganku, keburukanku, dan lain-lainnya, ya. Aku lagi berusaha untuk menjadi lebih dewasa, tentunya.

I don't know if you read this or not,  I'm just sharing my thoughts 'anonymously' here. I can't say nothing beside "I miss you" and type this ( a not so called ) long *** paragraph.

Have a blast friday, baby. My precious human.