I was going to write this poem
On anxieties and procrastination.
But then I decided to write it later.
But that really freaked me out.
So here it is.

I disappeared so long ago, I need a welcome home
I need the truth to tell me I have never been alone
I'd knelt before an idol head who took away my name
And walked away to follow her - the shadow and the blame
A hologram in summer sun, you saw me now you can't
I found a way to lose myself by leveling a slant
The angle formed the solitude within which I could stay
A sleep deprived contingency whose methods I could play
But soon enough my thoughts became a harder kind of game
Along with them my heart compressed to stone of just the same
I beat to beat the hands of time but mine are weary now
I try to close my eyes sometimes but can't remember how
So here I am, alive and still, I'm asking you to see
I'm asking you to spot me here, wherever that may be

After a while, I guess
"Goodbye" is just a word
The sting is temporary
A shocking pain as it rolls off your tongue
But then
Nothing
I've become so numb
So disensitized
Not just to coffins
And cemeteries
But, even
to these cars reversing in my drive way
Loved ones waving from the front seat
I think somewhere along the way,
I convinced myself I was just an actress in a movie
So these things wouldn't hurt so bad
Wouldn't linger
I said,
Here comes the scene where
your tears are expected
Now cut scene
Move forward
The plot is still developing
The only issue is, I am not...
I'm just an actress
It's all pretend
The laughter
The sighs at just the right time
The focused look in my eyes
Nothing sticks
It's all so wrong
So scripted
So twisted
I just wanna feel something real
Again
Deep down I know I miss you
Entirely authentically
But my sentiments got buried
somewhere in this game
Where I fake smiles
Just to please the crowd

A new bed
In a new apartment
In a new city
Filled with new people
And new opportunities
But here I am
Staring at this new ceiling
Thinking the same old thoughts
Like how easy it is to fall into you
And how impossible it is to fall out
I considered calling
I know you'd drive out to sleep
In my new life with me
But
I'm terrified of staining this bed
With your scent
I just escaped it
And I don't wanna have to miss you
Anymore
This will drive me insane