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A beautiful boy,
with eyes like emeralds,
and heart full of sadness
deep enough to break boulders.
I wanted to heal his scars,
but I suppose
I should worry about my own first,
because Jameson bottles,
are not the best medication
but god it tastes so fine
and I wanted you to kiss me,
the way I kissed you,
but we don't always get what we want
*no matter how bad I want it
 Aug 2013 Leelan Farhan
AR
Sheets
 Aug 2013 Leelan Farhan
AR
Drifting apart like bed sheets when I wake, making a cup of coffee trying not to take
A look in my direction
last night clothes lie in a heap, you leave through the front door
I fall back to sleep
 Aug 2013 Leelan Farhan
Morgan
If its not about you anymore
Who am I aching for?
 Aug 2013 Leelan Farhan
Morgan
So I curled one knee up to my chest
Used it like an arm rest
Limb on limb
Anchored my other foot to the gas
And drove blindly into random neighborhoods
Where the kids slept
And the street lights flickered
I called you once I made it into
New Jersey
I felt reckless
And calm
All at once as your voice cut the silence
Of my weary car
I was muffling my tears with the sleeve
Of your gray sweatshirt
Trying not to let my voice break into you
But
You didn't ask a single question
You already knew
"I'm here"
You told me
And I cried into the phone the whole way home
There's a mostly empty bottle
of Jameson Irish Whiskey
sitting by my bed,
where I wish you were laying next to me,

and I drove here alone,
drunk
when you should have been driving me
sober
just like we used to do,
we were a team
you and I,
I fell apart,
and you would always put me back together
and were always there
to kiss me goodnight.

I've got a nasty habit,
of leaving
when I should just
stay.

What's so awful,
about all of this
is that at the bottom of it,
I am happier without you.
It would be easier to just miss you,
and think that the only way
I will be happy again
is to be with you forever,
but we both know
that is far from the truth.

I am no good with changes,
and it's been months
but I still can't believe
our forever fell
so short.

I am counting down the days
'till empty bottles
make me think about someone else
besides you
because god,
it's ******* killing me.
 Jul 2013 Leelan Farhan
AR
His eyes wild flowers dancing lazily across my body frozen in time
We both dared not speak for breaking quiet thoughts seemed to much a crime

When words finally fell from his perfectly misshapen lips
He told me he loved me and traced my skin with his fingertips

Love drunk I sighed and reached for his face
Forgetting anything else only focusing on this place

This place we only knew as our lovers secret hide out
Scattered with memories and hope there was no room for any doubt

If I had seen or predicted what was in sight
Maybe I would of held onto him tight that night

He left in the dark with those wild flower eyes
No letter no call slowly time always flies

His wild flower eyes that danced in the light seem now like a dried up haze
I sit here once again with my quiet thoughts looking out and just gaze.
I specifically didn't want this poem to flow. I intended it to be harder to read and awkward. That's why I titled it quiet thoughts, as its a rambling of thoughts!
 Jul 2013 Leelan Farhan
Morgan
I had a
church
hymn
for your
funeral
song
You killed everything
And said,
"Sing
over
me
now"
Like a
dare
Or a
threat
Almost innocent...
somewhere hidden underneath
all of the
misplaced
malice
When we were just kids
you'd tell me
to cross my
heart
& hope to
die
But I never really understood
why
I liked the air that
occupied
our town
Pleasant and addictive
like Caribbean ***
I think your problem from the
start
was that you never stopped thinking
about
all of the pollutants that were
potientally
floating through it's winds
Just to stop
& taste it's
sweetness
 Jul 2013 Leelan Farhan
Morgan
I fell in
Love
On a couch
After a few hours
Of steady
Lust
I fell in
Love
On a couch
After a few months
Of steady
Grief
I fell in
Love
On a couch
After a few years
Of steady
Friendship
I fell in
Love
On a couch
With a boy
I never could
Quite figure out
I fell in
Hate
In the same
****
Place
Two years ago
This date
 Jul 2013 Leelan Farhan
Morgan
I touch you all of the time
hoping maybe one day it'll feel
like something more than not him
Because I'm numb to every hand
that isn't attached to his wrist
I wanna love you, I do
But I'm sick
Jaded like an illness
That eerie frustration when your voice
distorts itself in my mind;
Melts into the rhythm and tone of his
& all I can hear are all of the things that he's said
And just like that you are gone
Swallowed by a sea of lingering memories
Like a shadow over everything
I'm looking but I don't see you
I wanna love you, I do
But I'm not falling for you
I'm just searching for a glimpse of him
in the glimmer of your patient eyes

There is a steel cage that holds my insides
No one goes through
No one comes out
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