Here I am, looking up causes for headaches
at 1 am
when I know it will always come back to you.
My hands found the bottom of the ocean
as I cleaned old movie tickets out of my car today.
I can see your honesty from here.
It took my composure on its way out the door.
I’m not bitter anymore.
I’m just tired.
And I’m tired of being so tired.
I’m sorry you didn’t stay.
I’m sorry that I apologize
for all the times you didn’t.
I keep forgetting these things
are not one-sided,
and so,
I’m sorry I gave you everything
for nothing in return.
You tasted like love,
and I was parched.
Still am.

When I say
I love you
Don't picture my cheeks
Bright red
Or my palms sweaty

When I say I love you
Something breaks inside of me
The walls I worked so hard
To construct all around my heart
They are now teared apart

When I say I love you
I do not say it
To the boy standing in front of me
I profess it to the person you are
Late at night
When your thoughts are blurry
And your eyes are dark.

i hate

this feeling

of         my head

pounding                      against my skull

        i hate

        looking at
     my
          deformed figure

      and thinking
                       i am not good enough

                                i
                hate
                                        my bones
                                        my smile
                                        my fingers
                                        my skin
                                        my shape
                                        my self

your smile is like a sunrise in my heart
it melts my frozen heart
into a pool of your words
where i drown in the soft sound of your voice
and i listen to the cries, my heart broken in two

i reach out my hand to hold your head
and instead lift a boulder
that has rolled through the darkest of caves
and has seen the deepest side of hell
but has found its way into my weak arms

i just want to see you smile
and forget that the world is spinning
and time is turning
because all i want to see
is your rising sun

- dan

When I was little, every Sunday I’d go to Church
I was a child drunk off of fairy tales and day dreams
And I loved the idea that we could go to heaven when we died
And the pastor looked me in the eyes and said
"God is with you."
And like any 5 year old would, I believed him

My family bowed our heads and prayed before every meal
But halfway through dinner they’d start yelling
And I remembered what the pastor told me
So I covered my ears and asked God to make it stop
But I felt all alone
And that’s why I’m an atheist

At school the kids would pick on me
I didn’t understand why they didn’t want me as a friend
And I prayed to God that they’d stop
But I also prayed for them too
Because I was a good Christian
And good Christians love their enemies
But nothing changed
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I remember the first time my mom hit me
One time during a fight
She told me I was stupid and worthless
And after a while I started believing what she said
I started to wonder
How could someone so hateful
Call them self a Christian?
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I prayed that God would make me beautiful
Because I wasn’t skinny
And I knew I wasn't good enough for that boy I liked
But every time I looked in the mirror, I felt the same
So I stopped kneeling in prayer
And started kneeling in front of the toilet
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I haven’t prayed in 5 years now
I have only one request of God if he exists
That he end the pain right now
But nothing happens
So once again, I will have to do things on my own
And standing so close to the edge
I think about how I used to love the idea of life after death
But now I’m obsessed with the thought that when I do
They’ll be nothing coming after
And I can have eternal sleep
And that’s why I’m an atheist