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Did you know that every time they called you ugly you believed it?
Did you know that you gave up a long time ago?
Did you know that you want to be that girl?
You want to be that girl with long hair, and gorgeous eyes
You want to be that girl who gets the guy
You want to be that girl who always looks beautiful

But instead you look like every other girl that he has ever ignored
You have never bothered to look nice because no one ever notices
You never opened because that would mean caring

So what happens to a dream deferred?
You're not entirely sure
But your dream of not being alone
Of being that girl
Well that dream, is eating you alive
I asked you how you felt, hoping you felt the same
I should have known better than that
Known better than to expect anything but nothing
I know you said that it was because we were 'just friends'
Because she still had feelings for you
Because you didn't want anyone to get hurt
Because we only had one more month together, so what was the point?
But it's too bad
Too bad that everyone still got hurt
Too bad that I'm not good enough
Too bad that I know I could never compete with her
But I am still angry
Not angry because you don't return my sentiment
But angry because you couldn't say it to my face
'Just friends' is a load of **** and we both know it
I hate that you made me wait
Wait for two days
I hate that you smiled at me in the halls
And that you made me think I could actually be something
But more than anything else, I feel stupid
Stupid for thinking that a girl like me gets a guy like you
Stupid for putting in everything and getting nothing
Stupid for trying
And stupid for listening to ___ in the first place
Cry
Cry until you run out of tears
Take off all of your clothes
Look in the mirror
Make a detailed list of all the things you hate about your body
Look in the mirror
Until you are thoroughly disgusted
Hate yourself
All of yourself
Inside and out
Cry some more
Look in the mirror
I am disgusting
Run out of tears
Cry from the spider-leg lacerations on your wrists
And be thoroughly disgusted
This is a self-reflective poem, written in the second person. Self harm is dangerous and I am in no way encouraging anyone to to cut.
Mommy, can you hear me?
You were only 13, miles from 14
Just a child
You didn't understand what it all meant
Only that you wanted him to stay
So many people had already left you and you just couldn't take it anymore
He was 16, almost 17
Basically a grown man
Mommy, are you listening?
You only wanted him to stay
That's all you ever wanted
So you gave him what he wanted and spread those long, pretty legs
Because he called you beautiful in between kisses and said that he loved you when you needed to hear it
And he even said that he loved you  when you begged him to stop
He whispered I love you and just kept on going
Then he finished
He flipped you over and passed you to two of his friends
Your face was still wet with tears as the first one pulled out his ***** like a sweaty dollar bill
But they never saw your face
The pain in your eyes
The sadness in the set of your mouth
Mommy, I know you can't hear me
We were both babies and you were just protecting me in the only way you knew how
Mommy, I wish you could hear me
It's okay.
The truth?
The truth is that he was only beautiful when he was on drugs
So, he was almost always beautiful
No
He was almost always gorgeous
But it didn't matter.
He'd never get high enough to touch heaven
The holes he poked in his arms wouldn't fill the hole in his life
Nothing he could ever say would un-cry my tears, un-shoot those bullets, or un-break our hearts
Running away wouldn't make that one life-ruining ***** cell do a backstroke
He was beautiful when he was on drugs
But he wasn't on drugs when that little stick turned pink
He wasn't on drugs when I walked in and out of that clinic alone
He wasn't on drugs when I had to sit down and tell his parents and mine that there was no more "baby"
No
He wasn't on drugs
​He just wasn't there.
I am an empty shell.
No, that isn't true. I am not empty
My hollow body holds a corpse
I call her a corpse because only dead things can survive inside of me
Can you see her sillouhete through the paper-thin, worn out canvas that I call skin?
Can you see her mouth moving, as she screams for help?
Could you maybe hear her?
No.
Only I can do that
Her ragged voice is a deafening siren, in my head
Her cries become louder and louder as they bounce and bounce upwards
Rebounding off the walls of my almost-empty-shell
She has knives for nails
She marks the days of her imprisonment on my arms with thick, ******, paint
She etches dates, stories, apologies, dreams, and regrets onto permanently
She beats on the walls of my jail-cell-ribs, masquerading as a heart
Her endless tears flow through my rusted veins, pretending to be blood
I wish I was an empty shell.
But my body holds a corpse
Written on wrists, and with razors
>---->
"Goodnight"
"Goodnight"
She wants to say "I love you" but can't
She can't because "love" means falling, and she's afraid of heights
But he either doesn't know, or doesn't understand
So he moves on
And she stands still
Funny, the love that last the longest is the one that isn't returned
And she can't help but look at him even though he'll never look back
She didn't love herself, and that's why loving him was so...
And now she's falling. Falling. Falling. Falling. Alone.
But she was only the girl who fell apart every time she saw him
Only the girl who never knew how to say it
Only the girl who only wanted the one thing she couldn't have
But that's just what happens when Cupid runs out of arrows and only shoots me.
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