I am insecure*                                                        ­I am lonely
                                             I am bitter
         I am angry
                                                          ­             I am hurt
                              I am overwhelmed
                                                    ­                                    I am depressed
I am out of control
                                               I am lost            I am suicidal
                                                       ­                         

             I am anxious             I am a cutter           I am ignored
I am fat              I am vindictive                  I am mentally ill
                 I am scarred                 I am in pain               I am an addict
      I am nothing       *I am ugly

You've only ever seen yourself twice:
once in a reflection,
the other in a picture.

You've never truly seen yourself,
so I'll take the liberty to devote my entire life
to describing the extent of your beauty.

The first thing everyone notices about you is
that smile of yours, dear. It's dazzling. It's distracting.
It's absolutely lovely,
and no mirror nor picture can ever replicate its splendor.
Your warm smile melts the ice, while casual chit chat merely breaks it. When you smile, the edges of your eyes crinkle just the right amount, beckoning amiably.

Your laugh is a waterfall
and I want to spend my days letting it crash down upon me,
I want to drown in its bliss. Your laugh is a lilting balm
to the horrors these ears of mine have heard,
a soothing caress to my worrisome heart and mind.

Your eyes, you underestimate their charm.
You belittle them to simple drops of brown darling but they are transformed into pools of hazel, gold, honey, sepia, and cocoa in the sunlight.
I call them bedroom eyes.
I stare into them not to look at my reflection
but to look into your heart.
You smile with your eyes sometimes,
it's really quite lovely.
It's a shame you're not on the receiving end of it.

Your hair is absolutely stunning.
I could run my hands through it and let my fingers get lost in your curls and meet some bobby pins along the way.
You complain of it often, but
tracing the lines of your steep curls with my eyes
sends me into a happy daze.

On numerous occasions I have said it and I will say it again:
you feel beautiful. Your skin under mine feels absolutely lovely, my dear.
I could spend millennia letting my hands run
the length of your gorgeous body. And I'd do it happily, too.
I love the little moles you've got on your cheeks
and your ironing-board-scar and your lips (both sets).
You were born a blank page but now you're a beautiful work of art with depth and shades and texture.

Your body is a diamond: it is multifaceted and precious and priceless.
And it deserves to be looked at, my dear.
I adore your body, sweetheart. From the scoop of your collarbone,
to the curve of your back; from the gentle definition in your arms and legs
to the stronger curves of your *******.
I love the beckoning rise of your hips and your thighs, and the gentle mound of your ***. I could spend an eternity painting your body with my kisses, each a silent praise to the masterpiece that is your body.

And slowly growing,                                                         ­  And quickly lost,
Behold my mind,                                                            ­    Rebuild my mind,
Crawling with doubts and fear,              Construct with patience and joy,
Panicked, rushed ageing,                                   Considered, careful youth,
To cope,                                                            ­                                      To love,
To forget,                                                          ­                                  To thrive,
To move on,                                                              ­                           To keep,
To extinguish the corruption,                      To maintain a new innocence,
Or disguise it with worse,                                    And protect it with smile,
My head filled with dark,                                         Cross my shaking lips,
Emptiness,                                                 ­                                         Freedom,
Swimming in twisting mess,                            Running wherever I please,
Knots of double-helix,                                           Imagined strands of hair,
Tied to keep myself,                                                  Let down to let myself,
Separate from myself.                                                  Escape from my past.