I said to myself that it's over.
I forced that belief into my heart.
I looked at your face the other day and knew this doesn't feel entirely true.
What could be holding this chapter open still?
You have a house, a wifey/sugar mama, and you act as a father to her two kids.
Yet here you are when you need something serious.
My mind is 98% certain it's over.
My heart about 75%.
But my **** soul still wants to keep it's hold on what was.
I try to tell it that it's over, but no it won't let you go.

Does it even matter?
I saw this coming.
All things too good to be true usually are.
I set myself free and then they came along like a comet streaking across the skys of my world.
Age matters. Situations matter. I'm not ready again.
I think alone is where I shall live for the rest of my life.
And at this point, that is okay.
Bigger and better things are ahead, and there is no room for another person I have to think about.
I am still happy and free.
Just how I wanted to be all along.

There was MM.
He awoke the waiting ****** being that was hidden below Southern rules and tradition. With a touch and a release of pressure and tension he unleashed an alter like no other. But he treated me like his personal plaything, a discarded shirt, an afterthought. So I let him go.

There was OA.
He reignited the spark extinguished in the aftermath of MM. Gave me the beauty of motherhood that I was told I'd never have. But he proceeded to leave us for an easy life and for the sights and sounds of big city living. So I let him go.

There was CJ.
He made the apples of my cheeks burn underneath my caramel brown skin. Filled me with a love that I had read about in copious amounts of books. But then came his mother wielding her rumors and I lost most of my hair and had to be put back on the zombie meds. So I let him go.

There was AB.
He gave me time and my passion came back full force. He gave me breakfast in bed among crumpled sheets from nights spent devouring each other with pure, unabashed lust. But people came along with their lies and jealousy. So I let him go.

There IS CK.
He came in like a meteor, crashing into planet Me with such force it knocked me off my feet and into his whole being. Friendship came and solidified our bond. Age didn't matter and neither did any of the world's oppressing views. People came again. So we let each other go, but the bond remains.