4am no longer calls;
am i unsatisfied with the peace i've found?
was the chaos
my driving force?
sometimes i feel lost without it.
-
its different now,
its silent.
still dark,
no longer violent.

the urge to share all of me
with one who listens
with desire
to know more of me;
sometimes i'd go years pretending
that i don't need a lover.
----
i remember loving at 16;
so young & so giving,
so new & so forgiving,
so harsh & so unhealthy.
----
i often miss the days...

a plethora of words;
lacking meaning
& arrowed at no one.
a flood of lost souls
& weary spirits
hoping for closure
after life spans
& light years of darkness.

"drown it out with music"
now drowned in un-amusement.
un-enthused
& now her smile isnt the same...
but in a good way.
-
jealousy turned acceptance,
hatred turned soft.
the flame in her eyes that caused a kundalini rise
has died...
but its a good thing.

now suddenly i have eyes that see in layers,
the ground has found its steadiness
& all my truths are written in stone;
never changing in context but always gaining new depth.
-