i wish i had your guidance
and your confidence.
i could have used your motivational speeches
and your spark,
or just your shoulder
and warm embrace.
i wish you could see the look on my face as i died slowly by the hands of myself,
as i cried out for help
and for creator to end all existence that existed around me
and within me.
maybe if i had your intuitive demeanor i could have understood my intuition,
if i had your drive i could have understood patience and persistence.
if i had your advice i could have avoided all of the mishaps of yesterday that somehow,
very strangely,
turned into wisdom for my today.
i needed you,
i thought i could never find you.
i thought i wouldn't make it pass 16,
and at 21,
i am the woman i wish i had as a girl.

explore it,
let it inspire you.
become friends,
become lovers,
become so obsessive that you question its intent on your sanity.
invest in it.
make it your peace while you
treat it as if you were an unstable person,
fed up and seeking holy ground;
in search of validation,
in search of balance,
desperate,
willing to discipline,
willing to adjust...
and when you both come to grips or a mutual agreement;
be loyal,
be open,
be so ******* honest
and
be understanding
but most of all be patient.

i speak my fate,
affirm my truth
and place my trust within you.
you charge me up,
you feed me love,
you bring my destiny too.
wether full or new,
waxing or wane;
you smile down at my ritual,
you bless me with gain.
you keep me company,
you know all of my secrets.
you let me fall apart
then gather all my pieces.