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kylie formella Dec 2014
vibrations
in my head, I feel wavelengths
with every movement
I feel at peace
I have lost all knowledge of the words
"comfort" and "discomfort"
I only Am.
I Am Earth, and I Am God.
I Am everybody,
I Am no one.
I could Be a mountain.
or a canyon,
if I Tried.
kylie formella Dec 2014
i'll be 23 at a liquor store on my way to a party
the boy who i'm with will think my name is sorry
maybe the cuts will be scars by then
but that doesn't mean i'll be better
i still won't know how to be sober
i'll be in a stranger's bathroom
crying my eyes out,
they'll think it's just the shrooms
but it'll be you, it'll always
be you
i'll talk about the boy who didn't love me back
even with *** and alcohol in the equation.
maybe i'll be okay then,
but it'll never hurt less
kylie formella Dec 2014
sit down for dinner with my
happy happy family
my mother is surprised
i came out of my room
they ignore the giant bleeding hole
in my chest
but i can see their discomfort
they all put their hands together
and they bless this food
(when they should be praying
for this "God" to help us)
my step-father shoots me a glare
when he sees my hands are apart
and both of my middle fingers
are pointed up at God
i don't even take a bite before
i feel the elephant in the room
pushing me back to the comfort
of isolation
kylie formella Dec 2014
Remember when you played your first song on the piano?
Why are all the keys broken now?
The music has started to sound like screams.
You hear it everywhere, don't you?
It scratches at the back of your brain, until
all your thoughts are drowned in blood
telling you to cave in.
Your father's worried,
about those bruises on your knees. He didn't raise
a *****.
(He didn't raise anybody.)
He'll scream it, so the neighbors feel uncomfortable.
"Well, I think you mighta, Dad.
Because right after we ****, they all leave."
He'll start yelling,
drinking.
You'll be the example no one needed to set.
We all know we're not supposed to
leave our still-beating hearts
in the boy who doesn't want us'
mailbox. You just
had to do it didn't you?
You had to rip our family apart,
just to know you could make somebody
feel something.
kylie formella Dec 2014
"have you ever had suicidal thoughts?"
yeah doc, i surely have
i've seen it in my head thousands of times
all the ways that i could just
stop existing
i've felt the bullet through my brain and it didn't even
hurt.
i've tied the noose and jumped,
and watched my body fight,
even though my soul didn't want to.
i've died a thousand times.
"no.'
kylie formella Dec 2014
He taught you about cars; tell us about how you've started
bleeding motor oil.
Remember the days after he left?
How it took your car half an hour to start?
You were like that in those times too, you know.
You were trying to find a reason to get out of bed.
He doesn't call anymore,
so there's no need to see the sunlight.
Your mother's been worrying. she's been terrified.
You smoke those pipes so much;
she's scared you'll see a glimpse of him
in the ******* exhaust pipe.
There's no need to worry,
though. You're not lonely.
You've made a friend, in one of those pipes.
You named it Caesar. Et tu, Brute?
Brutus was his friend. Come on, Romans.
Don't let him get away with this. Stabbed
33 times.
Obituaries lose details as the
time passes.
He was your biggest supporter
when you found out even he wanted you dead;
you stopped fighting for your life.
Burn the body
Burn the ashes.
kylie formella Dec 2014
nobody can love me until i love myself,
right?
well, every time i've seen my reflection
since i was eight years old
i've felt a temptation that's hard to fight
to throw my head
into the glass
(with all my might)
and my mother still tells me
that she loves me no matter
what
i guess what you have to do,
if you don't love yourself
is find someone
who will help you to
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