what is the provenance of our suffering? what is the provenance of our pain?

in my mind screams imperfections. I’m ugly, grotesque, an abomination. I deserve no one

there is no way I can escape myself for I am trapped. lodged between the dead and the living, I must be somewhere in between. so badly I want to leave my place, to leave me entirely. leave to a better place, a better place in my head.

I must be delirious. thinking that I have lost too much of myself to remember who i am. I now exist as an insignificant shell of who I used to be.

I used to make bright, fluorescent yellow chalk to draw the lines. to create space between everything, like a vacuum. this separation was the good and bad, this separation was my feelings and I, this separation was my life. like all things else, it fades and goes away.

faded
faded
and faded
till one day I see it no more.
there was no line, no boundaries and no separation.

the horrors of my past haunted me
the guilt from inside my heart overwhelmed me
the crazy from deep in my mind resurfaced
the pain within my scars hurt again

I try to retreat back to familiarity
take cover, I say, take cover!
but there was no one left
I was alone
I am alone
just days ago, I thought i would never be
I thought wrong

I need air
I need to wake up
enough

There was fire in his eyes.
She couldn't put the fire out,
so she embraced it, and set herself
on fire.

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body.  i like what it does,
i like its hows.  i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

she is a fine cut of meat
my heart grills under the wires
she's fresh like cucumbers