But if it were not for the china,
I would crash into you
Grateful.  

The ashes in your curtains
And their suicide notes in their mouths
I would splinter in your palms

Were it not for morning
Cold, and sweet.
Let me.

Missing you hit me suddenly
Suddenly six months too late

And it tasted like lemon bars
And prom night
And coffee mixed with sweet tea

Missing you, it felt like holding a ticket
Between the pads of my teenage thumbs
With your last name instead of mine.

Missing you feels like dying
Slowly because there’s something I’m missing
Some way to slip away
Slowly backwards
Back to the sign I must have missed

But I can’t.
All I can do is miss you.

Missing you feels like everything
Because everything feels like you
The warmth of pavement on my back
The singe of a burnt tongue from hot tea

Everything feels like punishment
Everything feels like empty hope

Hope that one day everything will feel like you again
That one day, you won’t be missing.

Not poetry.

But please read? It's important. I promise.

http://32ozofgoodness.blogspot.com/2015/02/i-had-no-idea-taking-my-life-back-from.html

I took a needle
Bright and clean
And threaded it through my ventricles

Tied a knot tight
Atop my atria
And hung my heart from my wrist

It felt warm in my palm
And slippery,
Afraid of being held too long

It swung from my wrist
Like a shackle
Like an invitation
Until I hid it in my sleeves in winter time

I hung my heart at my side;
I’d never lose it
And lose it I never did

But in the wind
And when I tossed at night
Slowly it rusted. And cracked

I turned my wrist over once
Just to show you
You pulled my heart from my wrist

And in your hands
It shattered
And the line drew taught

And there I hung.

From the strands of my heart
That you held in your hands
I dangled, still in your grasp

And I hung at your side
Like a prison ball
Like a prize

Lose me,
You never will

It’s dark in central Georgia
And city lights kiss me like you do
Sad and solemnly buzzing
Nothing else will break me like you will

With the hands you stretched out towards me
You’re the dusk I’m dreaming of
Treading gently until we reach the world’s end

Everything will be dark

I'm stuck inside this love affair
This bed from which people come and go
Writhing, caressing, kissing the cheeks
Of boys who warm my sheets and my heart
Until I let them go

This bed which I have made
And laid in
For longer than I can remember
With the lingering smell of adolescence
And the static cling of selves I sacrificed

I stay here as I pass them along
Over my body and onto the world outside
Infidelity to the person I should have been
Who I have trapped inside my death bed
Adorned with the flowers of lovers
And l have let her slowly die

I fall in love in the summer
When sheets are thin
And breezes are warm

When our curtains are sheer
And the sun sets over thunderclouds
And our feet caress each other at the end of a trodden dock

I fall in love when nights are short
And time moves sweetly thick, and slow
And our breath tastes hard like liquor

I fall in love off of hot asphalt
And exposed souls

Getting high on parking structures
And men’s fingers in my hair

And
I fall apart in the winter
When we’re sheltered
And evenings come too early

When it’s cold outside
So I burry too deep into myself
And lose lovers like keys

To what,
I’m still not sure