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A bell rings in the distance
I hear but don't see
The past calls out
But I cannot answer
I'm speechless
So much at stake
Yet I can do nothing
Frozen in space
Surrounded by everything
All my senses alive
I still cannot move
Yet...  
The bell continues to ring
And I can still hear it's melody
All the while...
I'm not moving
the truth tonight is useless
I know what you'll say
you'll say how much you love me
and for me to go away
this proposed disposal
makes a girl feel like a queen
buried 9 feet
underground  
from there is where I scream
thinking I was settled
guess I didn't learn a thing
cause here I am just spinning
catch me puking in the sink
draw out all these nights
on a tiny piece of paper
write down what I am
then rip it up for later
trying to be patient
and waiting for your call
******* up my chance to talk
I think I'll drink them all
prepare yourself for pain my dear
that's all you'll eat tonight
swallow it like fire
it's the burn you will not like
trust yourself and you will find
a tiny piece of mind
& if she no longer wants you
then you must leave her behind
this time tonight
i fumble
tumbling over my foolishness
and crowding all of these spaces
with the idea of
you
you and me
and now it's just

you

me

separately
is it actually better this way ?
(babe)
you were my present
what I fought to search for
you stood
in my face
in my shower
you were here
entirely
waiting for me to see it
and as soon as i did
you left me
please don't
cling
to another chest
i'm begging
cause i'm still dangling from yours
and love
don't devour her soul
mine is still everything with yours
funny how pathetic rhymes so well
with regret
it's almost poetic
how you
gave me up to this
necessity
you say it so
apathetically
like i'm just suppose to be okay
living without you
the last few nights
i've been writing
frightened
trying to decide
what's right
in my mind
but i'm blinded
by this time
this time
this space
it doesn't make sense to me
to erase you
while
you replace me
i've never felt so empty
as i do
right now
reaching out to you
and knowing you
don't want it
i'm being selfish
i can't accept this
and pounding my head
against this table
why do i torture myself
when she doesn't want me
~

Love!               vs              Love?

I love you!                      I love you?
It's true, I do!                 It's true, I do
Wonder why?              Wonder why;
You love me too!          You love me too?
~
First published 22nd September 2014, 10:00 AEST.
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