I have been wondering about dreams
where my voice has dissipated to a very much lacking shriek
When everything is horrible
I must scream
My mouth opens the widest it can possibly go
And I muster up the breath in and out as strong as I know
But the release does not happen and I am unable to shout
I notice that it is not because of the terror in my dream alone
But because I feel someone, in reality, has been sewing my mouth

We have been there
That space between fore-thought and post-thought where you think a million things per minute and you don't know if you could explain it even write it down
The empty dry heaving silence when the person you're talking to is at loss for words and you're gasping on the other end like that nothingness is a black hole ******* the oxygen from your throat cavity
Holding a bottle of Tequila or *** or wine or any poison that never makes it to a cup let alone the table top, thinking its some elixir like the 1900s where they thought it would cure you of syphillius or something
Maybe they weren't half wrong, it's to forget yourself for a while. The biggest disease there is - you. And you're ******* down this bottle hoping to be alone hoping to be somewhere else hoping to be someone else in a different place but no matter how many seconds you can chug after pulling an Ace you still feel like the Joker - and we don't even play that card.
Standing in front of a mirror, turn left, right, lean forward, **** in, pull grab and tug at sides thighs bellies too full and too blatantly open. Buddah is plump, but zen does not come in size 10 or up
From my knowledge you can fill your life with empty faces that you know their name and how much ***** they can drink, and challenge them to drink more, and have them think so positively of you for an alcoholic personality
Laying down on your bed early evenings with plans cancelled plans never made and it’s only Tuesday. Wondering what else you could be doing with your life. There’s people jumping off cliffs, hang gliding, booking a plane to Amsterdam, and you’re sitting here fantasizing about the far-fetched possibility of leaving your bed to be spontaneous and have a cup of coffee.

Often times I’m staring
Awing in the curves of full blooming lips
Carved jawbone covered with deepening dark moss
The journey through the damp forest after warm rain
It is all awake alive and breathing clearly
Rising and falling like the rare drops from deciduous leaves
I cannot tell you how inhuman you feel to me
Your skin darkens around your eyes from nights up
Long evenings too many and whiskey that never even made it to a cup
Sometimes I cannot break a gaze from the casement around your pupil
The pools of honey drip further toward me
My feet find it impossible to remove themselves
So much like quicksand but sweet calming and warm
Smooth and simplistic in youth the way skin drapes
Hangs over structured bones in the most phenomenal way
Just as your eyes are lavished in graham brown
You stay glowing even in the cold weather from blessed ancestry
Down to tender arteries and muscle where I’ve placed lips a thousand times
Shoulders swoop outwards like broad boulders
Distinguishable markers play connect the dots toward inked surfaced skin
Permanence of scarred lines forming a hot air balloon and anchor pulling it down
It’s from your favorite band, I’m noticing synapses collide on the concept
Elongated extended vines lead to tools that hold and create masterpieces
Strong slender hands with fingertips that press and pluck strings
Coat themselves with paint on late evening or early mornings
Tread lightly on my skin and illuminate my face with a coaxing touch
You are the rain forest from sunrise
My heart thumps to the sense of danger behind a corner
But I know such things and if they were to **** me,
I would be treasured in becoming a tall Kapok
With roots buried miles deep

You are the waking up from a bad dream
The minutes feel like decades in sideways holes
Empty things trying to fill empty things
I'm running out of consciousness
Away from whatever has been chasing me for lifetimes once and time again
But I recognize this imagination
And I bring myself to life
I blink, I fade out, and roll to the side
And feel your arm around me
You are the waking up from a bad dream
And I gawk at the thought of inception
But at least you're here for now

Complexity in its finest
I’m glancing between the shapes of your eyes that tell stories of history and past excursions I’ve been wanting to know
You say your eyes are just brown, but nothing is just that with you
I think, despite the simplicity in our difficult discussions
Nothing is easy they say
They, the people who’ve let us down time and time again
Its so easy to say they and create a placement test for their behavior
Destructive as it may be and deteriorating within, I am so happy blind
That they haven’t gotten all of you
And honestly if I were in your shoes and walked the 18 years to reach a destination with no map no compass no tour guide
I hope I wouldn’t be too bitter
I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy
The verge of losing humanity felt like a weight of those tons of feathers, thought to be light but gravely succumbed as much as a ton of bricks
More of them than of us
Brown just like the tan of your skin as you hope for it to be opaque but
******* ******* I’ve never been more appeased by looking at something than with you
It’s not just a body its not just the brown hair, brown skin, brown eyes, not just the shrug, eye roll, smile, laugh, pressing of lips, open mouthed, heaving, tired eyes, grinning from cheek to cheek, infinite
Like that song, I’d try to stare at you like the night sky, but you just go on and on and on and-
Looking at you or looking to the same direction via docks and benches and waterways or the caked up fingers from painting with no paintbrushes or pursed with a stick of Pall Malls, night sky scenery or early morning sunrises
****, cups of coffee make me think of you
My daily intake and I think the dosage keeps upping
I’ll sit in bathe in the sunlight reflection of how you can’t be real and none of this seems real
Between it being too much to comprehend or other things being so shallow
odds against the favor
Open and part, attempt to prepare for something crazy infinite
knowing how relationships and losing them can get
and I’m standing aboard this boat with you on it
pretending like I know the waters but honestly
Mother nature is a *****
She sends things every which way at random at last call last moment’s notice
But I’m sure if we stand close enough we won’t fall off
at least, even, we'd dive right in together

You will encounter
Endless situations
Where what you say
Matters a billion more times than you’ll know
And the words will come out perfect

You will encounter
Endless situations
Where what you say
Will feel like it means a thousand times more than it may
And it will come out all wrong

What I have noticed
Is that it’s always hard to say
Exactly how you feel
Perception has consequences
But its not always what it is
Or how you do
It’s that you said anything at all

That silence that grows
Achingly, weeding it’s way from your open mouth
To the heart of the person in front of you
Silence speaks in volumes
And I am glad
That even if the response doesn’t pertain
(even though it always does)
I have exclusively
Listened, been listened to, and communicated
Lopsidedness aside,
And understood so precisely

The world has given
a lot of things for metaphor

The desert's dry barren ways
with oasis every certain degree of a turn
a mirage that elludes, distracts
one step forward and two back

The ocean's beauty, captivity
freeing and expressing, pushing
dark caverns only the dangerous enough
can explore, submarines and
scuba gear not yet strong to endure

The antarctic that freezebites
those who underestimate and suffocates
who over prepare, overthink
white - so much white - can
make a man go insane
all that is left within selfdoubting blame

The tropical jungles' endlessness
the danger so imminent
emotion provoked so raw and indigenous
instinctual carefulness required
some men make traps but some
found ways to set themselves on fire

A mild tempered calamity crosses my mind
my location is nothing as extreme
I try to find some place where
you most likely seemed to be

I soon prepare for finale of nothing
a very anticlimactic scheme
as I recognize you and yourself
not complemented by nature enough
to be a part of her more intense scenes