I extend
I bend
I smile
I grin
Lavished in
A tint
Of Spanish
Moss and American
Mint. Spain swallows my
Eyelid's, takes me to
It's
View.
Haunting
I'm thinking
Of a man just
Like you\
What to
Do,
Keep searching
Or just
Let fate take its course?
I'm just a stained
Glass window,
Looking for my
Church-

bipolar disorder
i never know what kind of mood i am going to be in
i miss you and i want you by my side
but i like feeling alone
i hate you
why aren't you by my side

I uncovered every stone and retraced every step trying to find where we went wrong.
But in the end, I just got lost.

You are a strike anywhere match.
But you have always burnt out much too fast -
Disappeared before I even had the chance to hold your glow.

You, with your beautiful flicker
out and in and in and out
of my life

You dear, sweet nothing.
Whispered passing in my bad ear
I could never quite make out your meaning.

You - filled to the brim with sulfur
with wood splinter
with flame -

You never answered my question.
Were you meant to burn out?
Or else ignite?

I felt your allure, I'd go to war.

But i'm not sure now,
You love me anymore

You look at me, like you seen it all before,

I'm not sure,
You love me anymore.

I drag my feet, across the floor.

I'm not sure,
You love me anymore

I no longer, hold the door,

I'm not sure,
You love me anymore.

I feel alone, when your by my side,

I'm not sure,
you love me anymore.

You are the one that adore.

But I'm sure that
you don't love me anymore.

I was at a party last night
tipping poison down my already-burnt throat
because I thought it could help me to forget you.
however, I forgot my own name
and left yours stuck on my tongue.

they asked me for drugs last night
but they laughed at me
when I told them about your smile.
everything about you is addictive
to the point of me craving you every second.

when everyone had gone last night
and I was left alone to pick up
the shattered pieces of themselves
that they left on the floor,
I wished you were there.

in a way, you were with me last night.
forcing me to empty the bottle of *****;
whispering with your lips touching my ear;
occupying every single thought I had.
I thought I didn't miss you anymore.


I was wrong.
you were never the one that was missing.
you took me with you.

but when i leave
will there be nothing?
will my solipsistic
(vaguely narcissistic)
beliefs be proved
with an ephemeral body
and even more fleeting soul?

will there just be blackness?
or will i be with someone
(or something)
greater than my sordid self?
i don't mean to be nihilistic
but how can i not be
when we're so short-lived?
how can anything matter
when we know no answers
and tell so many lies?

i am ready for blackness.
it sounds so quiet.
life is all too loud
for my agnostic mind.